It has been 3 weeks in 2nd sememster. 2 weeks didnt bk home edi.. the scene and ppl here that making me really wanna bk home. Actually... it seems like normal n nothing serious issue had happened on me.. But.. I feeling a kind of sad where the words impossible to express my feeling.. the most closest description may be the of facing the same ppl but different feeling to them or maybe their feeling are big different from last time to me.. Frankly..tht feeling is not actually good and making me sad often. This feeling make me feel a kind of my disaster in handling my relationship v others again.
The one who make me most sad is su. I really dunno what i had done wrong to her recently that making her drifted apart from me. The scene tht she always shows her concern n talking to me previously had edi gone nowadays. She even not willing to hv lunch v me but others who less close to her. When there was environment tht only me n lian v her.. she use to treat me as invisible and no single word to me..is totally not willing to talk to me at all.. Actually...in many time, not only her but i feel tht others classmate will oso like tht but not worse than her..at leats they still willing to entertain but for sure when there was a group event, they will choose to be together n wont ask to join... Nowadays.. finding someone to hv a meal v me become so hard.. Really feel like everyone is annoyed by me. In fact..ppl ask me for sth ..i did help..I dunno what i had done wrong.. Really hope to know the answer asap..Or.. I only can be the one who always being misunderstood by others in live,no mater how much good i did to them? Yes..I'm really care about how my frns looking on me..Am I so bad, ridiculous or unkind?? Pls just tell me instead of showing prejudice n being impersonal to me.It is totally unfair to me without giving me opportunity to speak. Becoz of su impersonality..I felt like being tortured in every theatre class.
This theatre class had thus become less interesting plus the drama topic that given by the lec was so dry. I think i might hv no fun at all in the rest of the classes. The only play tht i can act in the following class was as a person who being deserted by others, who prima facie hv a group of frn but infact was alone.
I know i should stop thinking so much coz ppl may not as what i'm thinking..n such a thinking may render me a childish person. However, some of the things is so obvious tht need not use ur eyes to see but heart can tell u what is going on.
Today,fortunately still can find nung yee hv lunch together.. if not, i'm lonely again... All this prob occur must hv a head factor to start tht.. Is my personality really a prob? Or.. someone had brainwashed others mind about me?? It is a difficult question.. If tht my prob..i really hope someone to tell me frankly n i would like to thank his or her very much.
Actually..today is kinda tired... hope to tell someone bout tht..but due to this issue has been raise for so many time...n.. can understand that ppl may not know me so well .. i cant blame n no mean to blame coz he was not me..ya... trying to learn to be lonely and optimistic by reading some self enrichment book but when everyday seeing the truth.. I start to doubt myself again...then reading the same book when back..like balance my emotional spirit in a day... dunno can tahan for how long... Maybe i really need to learn many especially to smile even i'm not happy at all..but...no matter how much i smile..it cannot solve the question tht confuse me for such a long time..."what i had done wrong tht ppl wanna treat me in tht way???" even to the frn i'm really tring to appreciate....
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