Time flies and I would have my 4th Valentine's Day tomorrow with him. As usual, nothing special for such a worth celebration day. We are not that kind of romantical couple and he is not a partner that know to give surprise or any preparation of celebrating such a day that deem not special at all. However, I'm only a normal girl who usually looking for the celebration of valentine but I felt moodless to celebrate with him too, because I knew that it is nothing special and he wont pemper you more that day. All in all, Valentine's day has become perfunctory to us and I prefer to celebrate Halloween than this. At least Halloween Day bring me mysterious and surprise.
For me, the aim of Valentine's day change with the degree of relationship of a couple. From my view, only one word can describe our current relationship, and that is 'RELUCTANT'. We found many things that we are not able to accept from each other.This is apparent to discover through out the daily conversation that normally end up with argument. We felt lazy to bother each other matters and selfishness became obvious.Frankly said, I'm in the dilemmas of making decision to either ending or continuing our relationship.
Sometimes, I did feel his intention to make such decision. Just like what he said to me today, he is waiting for me to suggest ending with a tune of kidding. Does it mean that I was permitted to make my last decision at any time from just now? Should I give him up?Does his suit me?I dont like to hear a word of 'afraid' from him. I like his family?Not so...am I asking these too late? I think so.. Last time..I said I need him to change...infact..he did change a lot..but changing from the previous one that I'm admire to another one of him now. He looks more courages and creative previously and it is quite different from now that he needs a lot of my opinion to make decision for him. I dunno why ... This is not a man I want ..Infact I will need him to suggest me to be better instead of I making decision for him.
How~~~~??????? Tired~
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