4 months of chambering, a mixed feeling to me, sometimes I had had a sense of belonging for the effort I've paid and the outcome for tasks had done. Be that as it may, there is disappointment too! I gradually realize my weakness that deem overwhelming recently. A sense of guiltiness emerged when others who are trying to give chances and to see more improvement in me but unimprovement contributing their dispointment that end up discourage me. I was trying to be better each time, yet the outcomes were dissatisfying. Again, languange is the most big problem, 2nd, my impersonality that too shy to click with others, to voice out, to mix, in short, Yeo will definitely think that I'm lacking of interpersonal quality, being inarticulate, inattentive and unable to express or communicate appropriately. However, these are not my characteristic! I'm not what they have perceived and imagined. I couldnt explain why I always felling nervous when speak until others prompted me. I suppose myself a decisive and clear minded person. Who and what cause me change drastically?
I ponder whether I'm asking too much sometimes. In many times, I'll feel that whaever and whenever I speak, is inappropriate to others. But when I keep silence, peopele start pondering why I seldom reveal my insight to the matters they are concerning or discussing. I felt difficult to strike a balance to enjoy the social diversity. I sense people's hesitation on me, such as how could a pupil who is so desire to be a litigant is not outspoken or even not social able as being inarticulate in expressing herself or point of views. My inception start denying to perceive English. I know this is the serious problems in me.
Too much of unnescessary thought and self doubting contrubuting spiritual exhausted and scaterred-brain. Where is my confidence? Is the idioms "When people are giving you up; never give up yourself" the only way for me to persist my pupillage period?
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