The Soul-stirring Tutorial classes

I have been through 3 miserable tutorial sessions in this morning. It is the first time for me to felt my inability to answer in class thoroughly. It is not that i did not prepare anything, yet i'm too well prepared but dare not to speak them out.Thus, it is miserable for me in these classes. I just felt so tired in the class, because when i decided to be the volunteer, lecturer start to call students' names to answer the questions, my answer was withold again and again. Infact, i can actually raise up my hand to be the volunteer, and yes..i'm lack of confidence again. Perhaps, i have my concept wrong as a learner in class. I should be the volunteer next time as nothing is to be scared and ashamed of. Anyway, i still cant get what Tay mean in his company law class, neither in the lecture nor tutorial. Am i serious? I think so, peoples might think that i should clarify it as soon as possible. However, i'm gradually lacking of interest to this subject . It is because no matter how hard i studied, i'm still cant understand the basic concept in it. Solve it, pls!! You are not a chubby child anymore..Adult should not let things go worse day after a day, please..solve it asap!!

Recently, my hostel existed uninvited guests that really irritating me. There were 'micky mouse' and baby lizard. The former had eaten my breakfast for tomorrow, and it made a big whole in the centre of a pile up bread while the latter intruded my wardrobe with my conscious. Of course, i've tried to lead it out from my blouse's home, and yet it went further inside, gosh~~ what a stupid lizard that know the way in but out?? But then, i did not saw it in some obvious area of my wardrobe , I think it hide in some where and yet i'm not able to see...God bless me that it wont have a family inside my wardrobe,ok?

Hope that everything will be alright soon..

Am I too self-center??

This question pop up in my mind when i accompany bear to buy his friend a birthday cake. When i was waiting him in the car, i'm looking at the cake which lay on my hand, then i recall back some memory. I'm still remember my 1st birthday in university was celebrated with 3 cakes by different group of peoples. The first cake was contributed by classmates, the second one by sworn followers and the last one was from my family.I think there was the most happier birthday i'll ever had in my life. I like my birthday to be blessed by as many as my dearest people around me. However, the bear existence had changed much of my birthday style of celebration . I did not mean that he makes my birthday worst all these years but just not my style of celebration.I always have my birthday with only 2 persons ( me and him ) since the day we together. Reason is he is more prefer to celebrate this moment with the loved one and the second reason was we share the same birthday. Thus it had become our own culture to celebrate each other birthday every year in the same day and contributed birthday present to each other, just like exchanging X'mas gift. At first, we felt so romantic and pleasure to have same birthday and to celebrate it together in every year. Gradually, this kind of celebration has been fixed as a form that did not show its meaning of celebration nor surprise that usually can be seen in a slight interesting birthday party.For me, nothing become special in my birthday and nobody will plan to celebrate this with me since the day i celebrate it with bear. Technically speaking, Birthday has become a day for me to over spending, eating and meaningless between 2 of us. It sound desperate, but i did feel it.So..Am i over self-center to rate my own birthday as worse as that?

I thought i can be very peace to face the assignment and study this sem,yet i'm wrong. I was just in the mood of indolence, inconfidence, self-doubt and afraid of something bad might happen to me all the time. I'm not able to explain why am i think so. I just lazy to deal with those unsolved problem. My brain was denied all information that is new to me, and i seems like not willing to learn. How could i become like that? My determination which built at the last sem break has been disappeared.I think i need to brush my mind up asap!!

Campus life as 3rd year law student

Well..the part time memory has become history for about a week ago, and now, i should have take myself back to my full time position, a law student in MMU.

This is the first semester and i was just embark a new journey in my 3rd year. My colleague doesnt change much as those use to be the first still get thier front seat in every class while those use to be 38 were still being the same. Although i was sometime at the front seat and yet it is too pity that i'm not one of them that often to be the "first".However, i cannot deny that i could sense a little bit mature from them. Perhaps all of us have influenced by the up coming legal attachment preparation that had increased our seriousness attitude. This semester's lecturer were quite strict and most of them are high expectators. I start to sense the level of seniorism that to be a senior in certain required standard. After 4 days lecture, i found that we were gradually required to know. to search, to read and to understand more than previously did. Ya..it sound logic as we were categorised as senior today, but, it doesnt seems like benefit me as i'm usually get confuse after i knew more information. I just felt that those topics were mostly trend to history and procedure that i will hardly likely to have interest in it. But, unfortunately, those topics were the method for me to apply in my future training and career and i have no choice but to love them as much as i can do.

After finish a part of my tutorial question, i have myself a movie namely The Sex and City in my hostel room.I like to watch this not because of i love sex but the true feeling from the author about what girls felt toward men in the world of relationship while the actress have vividly decribe this feeling in the movie and its drama series. It was a scene when Carrie has been dumped by her fiance in a romantic wedding party with her gorgeous wedding gown, I was really felt like crying when Mr Big decided not to come and left her alone so pretty in the party. I believed, none of a girl will not be hurt at that moment, it is because, most of us will dream to have a perfect wedding party with a gorgeous wedding gown, and it is the most important day for all girls, i believed. If there is any mistake or disappearance of future husband is equivalent to shatter one dream to have a day of prince and princess together with the blessing from all guests and family. And one thing whcih has been importantly reflected from the movie is guys today are not respect women's dignity. I strongly detest those guys like Mr Big, guys will never know women actually need more space of dignity than them, and the situation of being left alone in the wedding party was absolutely awkward, embarrassing and is a kind of insult to a woman. I think no woman can stand for losing her dignity in that way. Atleast, guys should learn to appear himself and be responsible to make clear of all his decision. From my view as a woman, Carrie may not felt that hurt even Mr Big declare 'not' infront of preist if he not wish to marry her. So guys, never ever escape anything from a woman, since the nature of guys should be responsible, so just learn to face and solve the problem, at least girls feel some respect from you!

The last day at L.F. CHONG & CO + unhappiness family

12/06/2008
It was so surprise that he ask me to follow him to stamping office and JB court. Unfortunately , i was wearing high hill that killing my legs all the journey. It was embarrassing that i was walking extra slow due to the unbearable pain in the high hill shoes.I know that he was rushing, but he still try to slow down his step and wait for me sometimes. After visited magistrate court and settle his things, then he lead me to the high court and have a glance of it. Actually not only a glance but he had brought me into the High Court room 1 ( MT 1, Mahkamah Tinggi 1 ) to watch a real trial. I think i was really lack of luck, after 1 and a half hour waiting, the secretary of high court judge finally announced the trial subject into chamber but open court. Thus, i have no choice but to meet my lawyer who was waiting me in another place. In the half way of trip, we enjoyed tea time with others lawyers at mamak stall nearby the court. Through their conversation, i've learned some art of communication. A lawyer from Kia & Nordin had asked me about the legal attachment stuffs.. then only know mdm Flora was actually consistently send some student over his firm for the legal attn programe as Flora think that the MMU law students were really learned something worth from his dad's firm. Then he continue added that :" actually i dont think we have taught anything worth to them and they was just helping trivial matters in the firm." You know what, his tune of this statement has apparently look down upon us who branded MMU LAW STUDENTS. It sound like we were just worthless and redundant in his firm. Ironically, he ask me to introduce him UM law students as he should know i was branded MMU and it is hardly unlikely that i will introduce him any UM student than my own colleague. That is what people said , fact is always cruel. In fact , this is the true fact that people wont believe anything which has not been proved by the society and market. I believed that it is the common norm for people who usually dare not try a new branded product as nobody has tried it before. Yet, base on the quality and talent of the current graduated senior, i'm confident that MMU law student will become the most popular law undergraduate and profitable lawyer in a firm.

13/06/2008
Today is the last day in firm and i was just boring from 8.40 am to 4pm. He didnt teach me much today as his works were overloaded. Through his phone conversation, i understood that something was unsettled and left him quite a lot of problems. At this moment, i just pity his kindness that had let others to take advantages from him. From that case, it was apparent that the big firm was just bully him as was trying to delay his work. It is impossible that such a big firm with 7 partnership need a month to draft out a simple agreement to us, plus the offer letter has been sent them for earlier than what is reasonable to be expected. Due to his kidness, he may not know that sometime, ppl like lawyer is actually doing something againts his competitors.

After i'd helped him with the last job ( calling to Public Bank ), he then ask me to his office and give me an Ang Pao which attached with RM 360. I was wondering whether there is any imply meaning for such a weird numbers of salary. Anyway... even that number turn to RM 0, still, not exploit my gratitute toward him. Actually it was out of my expectation that he will give me such a high pay as i was doing nothing over there and was stupid dunno anything for his question to me, and yet i was so touching for his care and wish to me. Mr Chong, Thank you very much, i swore that i wont forget about you and i have set a new target to meet you as my learned friend in the future court trial !!

Unhappiness Family
After something which is good then it must have something bad followed. I really, i mean disappointed to myself to live in this current JB family. I felt that i and my family members were come from different world. I'm a kind of stupid and blur people that always falling sick and did something wrong to them. One matter followed by another matter that seems like make everyone dislike me... i think i oso dun like myself, my recklessness, omission and negligent that turn some thing to wrong. Their reaction to me was right, but i was just cannot forgive myself as such kind of wrong person..what my fucking brain thinking about recently?? I just like so blur to everything and cant focus things well. Is my sickness and medicine or my footache? Wondering why????????????? Perhaps, my leaving will lighten my family burden towards my stupidity and recklessness. God Bless Me...

7th day in L.F CHONG & CO + UNHAPPY DAY

Today just felt like crying... eveything looks bad to me. I was suffering flu and serious cough recently, it resulted in my absent yesterday. In firm, Mr Chong was not around since the early morning and as usual, he had entrusted my few simple tasks to do. After his back and had entertained a customer, he start to teach me things. Basically, there were those which he was actually reapeated quite a numbers of time to me and yet i still not able to remember them due to the complex procedure and 'borang" need to be remembered, i felt that law is all about procedure than to achieve justice.Ironically, we shall admit that this word of 'justice' seldom exist in Malaysia. After he finish the last word in a messy paper in front of me, then same question asked--> UNDERSTAND? At this moment, i will usually look at him for a short while showing my silly smile to signal him my inability to absorb so many thing, then he always sound understand my situation and start to console me that : "Never mind, you will get the CLEAR picture in FUTURE"..Ya..what if my dream is really just a dream and never come true, DO I STILL HAVE THAT PARTICULAR "FUTURE" ?? Wondering about it...

Because of a client seek for his help in drafting a 'radiculous' divorce agreement, he then teach me another crucial matter regarding to the basic legal agreement. The reason for me to assume that agreement as radiculous is because of a particular man who wish to draft that agreement was not for the purpose to divorce immediately but request the lawyer to add some radiculous clause to pretending their relationship until his wife could get a PR in Malaysia then only divorce formally. Mr Chong had denied this client as to protect his own professionalism and ethic. After much explaination from him, then only i know that this client was trying to seek the loophole of law to utilize such a marital status to get the PR for his wife. If we drafted such agreement for him is amount to cheat to the government and may subject to penalty or disciplinary punishment by Bar Council. I, a girl who stupid dunno anything innocently think that we can draft any agreement as what client required, i was shocked by my own carelessness and had overlooked over those traps that had concealed in everywhere of the documents, people motive and cases. Then he give me another situation with a common sense question and i cant answer it!!!! Felt so sad that my common knowledge was zero. I think he must be very 'impress' .

Yesterday, dunno why i was just stupid again to crash my sis car when driving my bro car to get my photostat books. The consequence was serious than what i'm expected. Perhaps i shouldnt be so honest to admit my fault coz it doesnt mitigate my guiltiness but just putting oil into fire. Although i have clearly make apologize and suggested to compensate, yet still end up with quarrel. Although the dispute was not between me and her but mom and her, however, it is damn annoyed me and disappointed to each of them. This matter shows the unforgiveness and untolerance of my family members and i felt that a stranger maybe more understanding than them, at least if i crash a stranger car, he will not keep feeling angry and nagging non stop after compensation. And she was so tricky that ask Sin to drive her car to her frn's hm in the early morning to trouble the people around the world just because of the sake of her car. She was so selfish that did not care for others situation or to care about whether people willing to help her or not but just want people to do this and that for her. Then result in those people not happy with me as this matter was resulted from my work. What a fucking sister she is?? Who can tell me?

6th day in L.F. CHONG & CO + GOOD NEWS!! :)

Today is a black monday, it is so right that describe it as Black as my mood today. In the morning to work, my mood is not that bright due to own sickness and the endless flu that was killing my nose; my ears was like half deaft due to my stuffy nose. I was going in and out the wash room to clean up my snivel while Mr Chong was just focusing his work in front of his pc.

In the afternoon, a girl was calling into the firm and she was Agnes,who i believe is my sister's friend and the one who will become my supervisor in the up coming legal attachment. Yet, i was found that actually both of them were quite familiar with each other, from their conversation, i can heard that she was asking him about me then he sounds to fool her by asking her to come over and take a look of me. He even ask her to refer Issac ( another comrade ) if really wanna know about me as Issac has just taken a glance on me in this morning. Well, the topic sound interesting but i couldnt explain why i was hardly to sense any humor in it, yet i would rather felt a little disrespect as he shouldnt talk so much about me within my sense of hearing. Anyway, since he had taught me quite a lot of things and considered as kind enough to me then i think i shouldnt be too particular of his little unmanner.

After back from work, then have a check on my result for last semester. Thank God it is within my expectation that had hit my goal of first class 3.72 which is higher than last 3rd semester in Beta year. I believe that it is the result from my little luck that i gained and much effort that i've put at last semester. However, i should always remember that result not mean everything , good result doesnt mean your practicalability in firm, at least i've sensed that in the current legal practise. Bear in mind, always put ourselves in the position to learn and cater knowledge that not only in the campus but for the sake of future, then only able to survive in this society successfully.

The 5th day in L.F.CHONG & CO

Today has nothing to do as my boss has fell sick. He ask me for Panaldo but it was too bad that i did not bring any. Actually, I have the intention to help him to buy panaldo if he really need it urgently. However, after thinking too much and fear of misunderstood and assumming him should know where to buy it when he is going out, then i choose to look on as a bystander. Perhaps one may consider me as a heartless people, yet i should say that, in many time, it is better not to do something than otherwise. For me, i dont think it is wrong if i have chosed to do something which only within my scope of work. At least i've offered my help to him for doing something in reducing his workload and yet i've no choice if he had refused me.

In the afternoon, he inform me that he would like to have a nap in his office as a consequence of taking pills. After a while, he was awaked and seems like much recovered. Then he continue to his endless work. That is why he always choose to work even in the Sat and Sun.

Due to nothing for me to help and he was so busy, the only thing for me to do was reading whtaeva that i've brought to work. In the half way of reading, he suddenly came to me and ask me about the book that i was reading. Without much saying , i show him my book, then he had passed me another book namely the guide to litigation practise and suggested me to read that for the sake of future practise. Except feeling of grateful and to thank him, i have no idea to describe much about his kindness and good intention to me.

If i have an opportunity to become a successful lawyer, i hope that i will be able to become one of the partner in his firm. I should Always remember this target and dream!! I believe, dream will come true, and i know it is apparent in my future....

4th day in L.F.CHONG & CO

Without much notice, i've heen practised in the firm for about 4 days. I cant deny that i've learned a lot from him and yet start to feel a little bit tired too. Besides, it was within my expectation that he began to entrust me more and more tasks while i'm learning more and more.

Today, he has asked me to explain few sections in the Act, left alone photostating, faxing and calling to someone.wow.. it is damn hard to understand and i start to worry that i would explain nothing to him. After spending much times, and have sufficient courage, i stood up and went to him for the explaination. Fortunately i'm still able to explain roughly about the crux of the sections, he was listening to me while grimacing when looking into the particular sections, then he made a request to read it alone. After a short while, he only went to me and further explain the true meaning of that sections. Then only i knew that he was actually not completely understood such sections. Sometimes, i just felt that my lack of confidence had resulted me to bear too much of unneccessary pressure. Thus, i need to learn to manage my anxiety in most of the times.

Before closing, he had spent about an hour to teach me the rough picture in my future attachment firm. Astonishingly, he knew the legal firm that i'm going to attach in the next semester break, then he start teaching me about something which i will encounter during the attachment. He told me that i will have the tendency to do the banking and litigation matter in that firm. Altought i had strived to threw as much as the questions in order to get the whole picture of it, yet I should admit that i only able to understand not beyond 50% for what he had taught as i'm not yet to study in the previous semesters.

Then he start to share some of his experience from his study until he had become one of the professional in the law field. After much sharing, i should say that, it is not that easy as what we thought in the campus in order to become part of this professional. And yet, i will say it is reasonable for the clients to pay such an expensive price (from majority point of views) in every law suit. It is because the lawyers should deserve such payment for their effort which have been put in order to become a professional today. I believed that not many people can possess such spirit, courage, strenght, and perseverance in achieving the professional of law. There are alot to learn in this field and one who choose study law cannot escape from learning the new laws as our society is subject to change from time to time. Frankly said, i felt a little headache after obtaining all this info and i begin to doubt my ability that whether i'm suitable to be part of this field. Again, lack of confidence, this characteristic shouldnt exists in a potential lawyer but i did, therefore i'm not a potential lawyer. Gosh!!! how could i to be so negative!!

I should tell myself that i'm in the en route to the success, never think of way to return, so, PLEASE...KEEP MYSELF UP!!!!!!!!

2nd day in L.F.CHONG & CO

This is the second day of working and yet it seems like i have been there for about one week. i think it may be the consequences of being too free, i beleieved that if i could have more thing to do then i would have another feeling.

In this morning, he start asking me to prepare and do something for him, such as calling to the bank, photostating ( fortunately i learn it in campus, so i'm able to control it without his guidiance), then teach me about something regarding to the last procedure of discharge of charge. He seems like quite believe in my working competency and going to entrust certain important task for me to settle it. This morning, he threw me a file and want me to give to client to sign and acknowledge some documents to the client. Wow.. asking me to let the client sign is not a big deal, ithink i would have some problem in the part of explaination for the documents that need to be acknowleged to the client, because i'm not yet to be as professional as him. Anyway, to learn something should definitely have to take certain amount of risk that will make things wrong. Hope that i can done everything well.

I was wondering whether he was intended to entrust me more things during this friday as he will go to the overseas. Really hope that he will not do so and left me alone to handle his firm in this friday..because..absolutely..my six sense told me that it must have something happened without him to handle the firm..the mistake must be the huge one if it could happen.. thus i do hope that he wont make such an unwise decision.

The 1st day in L.F CHONG & CO

This is the second week of my final sem break. Finally, I was able to practise in a nearest lawyer firm in my place.

I was under the only male lawyer namely Chong Lung Fei, 31 years of age. And i was the only clerk in his firm as the firm was just newly established. Frankly said, i was actually wondering why he want to hire me... During the interview, i was telling him the very truth that i will only able to help him for 2 weeks, and he also told me that he can actually handle those job by his own account. However, he decide to use me. Perhaps for my motive that to learn something from his firm was the reason to hire me. The only lawyer and the only clerk were thus start the first day of work.

Actually i was quite fear about the working environment due to the chemical result from the interaction of natural human being was quite ' dangerous ' for the only male and female to stay in a space for a long time..Then.. for safety purpose, i gave my mom and dear all the informations about him...( although it seems exaggerate, but never judge a book by its cover as many thing may not be expected by a reasonable person )

No longer from the morning, he passed me 2 current files for me to do some research. Then only i found that the files were actually written in BM , fortunately i could still remember the majority of BM language. Due to still not use to understand those legal term in BM, then i have to wrote them down into another paper in english. Then all the matter seems like more easier for me to understand . One of the case was quite interesting, it was dealing with the issue which i just took it in my last sem final exam. It deal with the matter of Tort ( vicarious liability) , but there was a doctrine (roman legal maxim) namely Rep Ipsa loquitor appear in the statement of claim on the part of plaintiff, it looks really familiar and i'm very sure that i've learned that no longer before, yet i forgot its application and meaning. This kind of feeling was toturing my mind for few min and i decide to call my friend and ask for the answer. Haha.. who know the answer was not sure. But the little crue that he gave me has remind me something important. Anyway, i have prepared some points in my little note as some refferrence in future.

After reading 2 files, i was continue reading my news paper as a way to elevating my english. I wouldnt know whether this kind of learning method was really effective, but , except of doing that , i've really run out of ideas to do it better. The whole afternoon then, I was just seeing Mr Chong going in and out while i was going up and down to open and close the door for him. It seems like the very first thing that i can do for him as a legal clerk. Then, i was so happy when he finally ask me to do the second thing as to fax a paper to a client in this long long afternoon. Then.. he went out again..after his back, another surprise from him was another 2 cases for me to read...haha..so happy to see that ..cause i was going to finish my newspaper and i will have nothing to do then. After sometime, i've finished absorbing the files again and finally get his response to ask me whether i understand them. Frankly, the content in those files wasnt arrange in a good order..yet i still can understand some of them roughly as i've learned it before. However, the practical manner in settling a dispute is not the one we learned in lecturer hall. For me, the financial consideration will take much priority than the rights of the parties when going through a legal proceeding.

It was grateful that he willing to spend the last 30 min to teach me something which cannot learn in school ( although some calls were disturbing in the half way of explaination ). All in all, although it was quite boring in the afternoon, yet it is worth to stay as i'm still able to learn something which the money cant paid at the end .. :P