Am I too self-center??

This question pop up in my mind when i accompany bear to buy his friend a birthday cake. When i was waiting him in the car, i'm looking at the cake which lay on my hand, then i recall back some memory. I'm still remember my 1st birthday in university was celebrated with 3 cakes by different group of peoples. The first cake was contributed by classmates, the second one by sworn followers and the last one was from my family.I think there was the most happier birthday i'll ever had in my life. I like my birthday to be blessed by as many as my dearest people around me. However, the bear existence had changed much of my birthday style of celebration . I did not mean that he makes my birthday worst all these years but just not my style of celebration.I always have my birthday with only 2 persons ( me and him ) since the day we together. Reason is he is more prefer to celebrate this moment with the loved one and the second reason was we share the same birthday. Thus it had become our own culture to celebrate each other birthday every year in the same day and contributed birthday present to each other, just like exchanging X'mas gift. At first, we felt so romantic and pleasure to have same birthday and to celebrate it together in every year. Gradually, this kind of celebration has been fixed as a form that did not show its meaning of celebration nor surprise that usually can be seen in a slight interesting birthday party.For me, nothing become special in my birthday and nobody will plan to celebrate this with me since the day i celebrate it with bear. Technically speaking, Birthday has become a day for me to over spending, eating and meaningless between 2 of us. It sound desperate, but i did feel it.So..Am i over self-center to rate my own birthday as worse as that?

I thought i can be very peace to face the assignment and study this sem,yet i'm wrong. I was just in the mood of indolence, inconfidence, self-doubt and afraid of something bad might happen to me all the time. I'm not able to explain why am i think so. I just lazy to deal with those unsolved problem. My brain was denied all information that is new to me, and i seems like not willing to learn. How could i become like that? My determination which built at the last sem break has been disappeared.I think i need to brush my mind up asap!!