Fake and Real. Well, this 2 words are often confusing one's life especially me. This complicated feeling become worse when i just received a mail from one fake friend who asking me about fake and real question. The contain is asking one to reply or not to reply base on one's judgment towards that particular friend by Fake and Real. I couldn't explain why am i be struck dumb by such question and i start falling in confusion.I'm start thinking of many things again.It is because, according to her intelligent, it is really strange that she was still dare to ask me of such question. It has been more than one year that our friendship had come to deadlock, and also i weren't find anything that seems to make our friendship retrievable during those period. As what i think this situation could be seen by those reasonable men who may not as smart as her. Thus, i felt astonish to receive that kind of mail from her who is impossible become ignorant about the Real between us instead of expecting a Fake reply from me.
Why am i consider it as Fake reply?? It is because, after I've been through a lot of struggle in my mind, i reach a conclusion that, since i do not see her as Real, why should I deceive myself to reply her? Indeed, i think that my reply may testify that I'm really Fake.Due to too many of hit that I've been through in managing a relationship with friend, I've no idea to define Fake and Real friendship. Because, I'm just a injured tiger which afraid of being hurt again, defensive and lost of confident and trust to others.So please never ask me to judge, give definition or explain the meaning of friendship or any question about Real or Fake, Good or Bad and Angel or Evil, because I'm really sick of doing this.
So far for me, i will just threat everyone instead of my family,bf , san san and ging sin as people
but nothing. I mean no additional affectionate feeling. I think it is common for others to do so but I'm just too innocent that not use to this impersonal skill before.In short, being kind to people is good whereas being impersonal may not seems good but somehow, on contrary, it reflect the Real of yourself and prevent from being hurt by others who Fake.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
still Thinking of...
Yesterday, our great entrepreneur had passed away with the age of 90. For me, he was leaving from this world without any regret due to his successful background during his life.His character had formed his great feats and brilliant achievements today that are worth to learn and i do hope i hv the same determination and grit as him in achieving every goal in my life. However, i still need to admit tht the very weakness of me are being easily influenced and felt pressure by others. It always interrupt my determination n decrease my self-esteem in many times. This is a looser characteristic..i dun want to be a looser, neither do others... i think.. but . I just use to predict many things wc is useless n helpless.. it was out of my control..I seriously think tht i hv to stop thinking those wc are not happen.. it was no benefit at all and make my confident lost.
So far i had done alot of exercise which i hv no idea whether it is really helpful or not.. but just put in many effort as i can v conscious... it sound silly..but.. i cant think it was a silly things but just put my effort forward without thinking of those negative consequence, becoz i knew i edi done sth which were positive for me.
Today.. I had again felt disappointed due to my failure to complete the task wc i decided to finish today. Firstly, i am again carelessly forgot the rest day of tht clinic was today but still walking to thr v mom n my little niece. Second, I'm innocently thought tht our Mycard was a useful card tht can do anything tht is legal in Malaysia. Thing comes different when i step into CIMB bank to ask for open a permanent account. Tht lady who i felt sloppy was saying to me tht their machine cant read the detail of the chip in my card, then ask me to come again. Wat a suck machine tht wasted my time again??and wat is my card doing? It was either the prob of my card or tht particular machine.
Well..no matter tht is which of each prob , thr must be the service problem, tht reflected either the government or bank. If thr is my card problem, then it should be sth happen to the chip in my card tht is unfunction and it will be possibly for me to renew my IC. So next time i hope the new ic chip will not get rusty easily so tht the "particular" machine in bank can read it.Then, i think it is blameless if tht is the machine problem, becoz majority of the machine in bank or government department were useless..or u can consider it as a things tht use to absorb the electricity in our country.. coz as u know our country still hv " plentiful " of natural sources including electricity tht waiting to be consumed. Finally, tht lady require a driving license as a priority document which overtook the place of IC .In short, bring ur driving license out regardless whether u r driving or not, becoz the driving license (although dun hv the 'particular' chip) is often usefull than Mycard nowadays.
So far i had done alot of exercise which i hv no idea whether it is really helpful or not.. but just put in many effort as i can v conscious... it sound silly..but.. i cant think it was a silly things but just put my effort forward without thinking of those negative consequence, becoz i knew i edi done sth which were positive for me.
Today.. I had again felt disappointed due to my failure to complete the task wc i decided to finish today. Firstly, i am again carelessly forgot the rest day of tht clinic was today but still walking to thr v mom n my little niece. Second, I'm innocently thought tht our Mycard was a useful card tht can do anything tht is legal in Malaysia. Thing comes different when i step into CIMB bank to ask for open a permanent account. Tht lady who i felt sloppy was saying to me tht their machine cant read the detail of the chip in my card, then ask me to come again. Wat a suck machine tht wasted my time again??and wat is my card doing? It was either the prob of my card or tht particular machine.
Well..no matter tht is which of each prob , thr must be the service problem, tht reflected either the government or bank. If thr is my card problem, then it should be sth happen to the chip in my card tht is unfunction and it will be possibly for me to renew my IC. So next time i hope the new ic chip will not get rusty easily so tht the "particular" machine in bank can read it.Then, i think it is blameless if tht is the machine problem, becoz majority of the machine in bank or government department were useless..or u can consider it as a things tht use to absorb the electricity in our country.. coz as u know our country still hv " plentiful " of natural sources including electricity tht waiting to be consumed. Finally, tht lady require a driving license as a priority document which overtook the place of IC .In short, bring ur driving license out regardless whether u r driving or not, becoz the driving license (although dun hv the 'particular' chip) is often usefull than Mycard nowadays.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Being in Holidaying
It has been a week to hv my holidays in JB. Although i still hv 2 more weeks to go, however, i think it is not enuf for me to prepare for the upcoming MUET exam. Sigh.. it is the second time for me to sit for this paper. I suppose that even i hv 2 years to prepare is oso considered as not enuf for me.It is the matter of language but nth. If i'd hv the environment as now to learn this language, i believe it is nth difficult to me. Yet, i think it was too late to master it within the period of 2 weeks. However..it doesn't mean that i will choose abstention from pursuing my goal,because i still believe in miracle.Well.. all the statement tht i hv made sounds a kind of fallacy. But.. this is the way for me to think when solving a prob or facing sth tht i hv lack of confident to handle it.
Ofcoz..miracle wont come out if u didnt do sth wc in fact materialize it. Even u might not do much for it, but at least is beyond a reasonable man would think is enuf. Thus, i'm trying my best to do as many exercise as i can, since ppl always said " practise make perfect". Yet, i hope tht this phrase would really true.
Currently, i'm quite interested in reading n watching Britain old fiction novel such as Pride n Prejudice, Jane Austen n Amazing Grace. Well..I'm really impress of the way they spoke, their gentle expression, the scene and outfit in which had reflected the ancient England life and society. At the mean time, i did learn their pronunciation and the words tht they use to express their feeling wc i considered it as one of the way to improve myself.
Other than tht, i'm start reading a book regarding to self-disciplined. I think tht the author has used the most simple language that enable the reader especially like me to understand every word in it easily without further refer to any dictionary. The sentence structure is simple n is able to express the feeling of author completely. I'm quite amaze with it n also trying to write my essay in such sentence structure.
Instead of reading, I also play a role of nanny in taking care of my little niece. As far as i'm concern, I think she is the smart one. She knows to speak a lot of things tht sometimes shocked me. Yet, the gift from god may not guarantee her future. I still believe tht the brightness future of a child is all depend on how she is willing to brush up her mind, thinking, manner, passionate upon certain things and so forth. Thus, the brightness of her life only then be determined.
Next sem onward, I will start my U life without any course mate under one roof. Although it is not a bad news, however, i still can sense a kind of wariness n insecure in the bottom of my heart. Maybe i'm a person who is easily being influenced by others. Yet, my bf n his bro was a kind of easing going person toward their study, which is totally different from me. I'm scare of losing my own personal purpose n target in pursuing my study goal. I'm a person who prefer a little bit stress environment in doing sth which related to my goal. Therefore, i think i should do some mental preparation from being influenced by such foreseeable environment.
Always remember, a self-disciplined student would typically say, " I'm trying to build skills and acquire knowledge that will improve my life and my career. " The less disciplined student is more likely to say: "I need to do well in this course so that i can graduate and get a job."
Ofcoz..miracle wont come out if u didnt do sth wc in fact materialize it. Even u might not do much for it, but at least is beyond a reasonable man would think is enuf. Thus, i'm trying my best to do as many exercise as i can, since ppl always said " practise make perfect". Yet, i hope tht this phrase would really true.
Currently, i'm quite interested in reading n watching Britain old fiction novel such as Pride n Prejudice, Jane Austen n Amazing Grace. Well..I'm really impress of the way they spoke, their gentle expression, the scene and outfit in which had reflected the ancient England life and society. At the mean time, i did learn their pronunciation and the words tht they use to express their feeling wc i considered it as one of the way to improve myself.
Other than tht, i'm start reading a book regarding to self-disciplined. I think tht the author has used the most simple language that enable the reader especially like me to understand every word in it easily without further refer to any dictionary. The sentence structure is simple n is able to express the feeling of author completely. I'm quite amaze with it n also trying to write my essay in such sentence structure.
Instead of reading, I also play a role of nanny in taking care of my little niece. As far as i'm concern, I think she is the smart one. She knows to speak a lot of things tht sometimes shocked me. Yet, the gift from god may not guarantee her future. I still believe tht the brightness future of a child is all depend on how she is willing to brush up her mind, thinking, manner, passionate upon certain things and so forth. Thus, the brightness of her life only then be determined.
Next sem onward, I will start my U life without any course mate under one roof. Although it is not a bad news, however, i still can sense a kind of wariness n insecure in the bottom of my heart. Maybe i'm a person who is easily being influenced by others. Yet, my bf n his bro was a kind of easing going person toward their study, which is totally different from me. I'm scare of losing my own personal purpose n target in pursuing my study goal. I'm a person who prefer a little bit stress environment in doing sth which related to my goal. Therefore, i think i should do some mental preparation from being influenced by such foreseeable environment.
Always remember, a self-disciplined student would typically say, " I'm trying to build skills and acquire knowledge that will improve my life and my career. " The less disciplined student is more likely to say: "I need to do well in this course so that i can graduate and get a job."
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Holidays v Friends
Time flying fast, 1st sem of my 3rd year study had come to an end..2 and a half week break started while 2 n a half year to further in MMU..
Well.. i seems like being thru a lot of things during the time wc i didnt enter here..wow..it was hurt and made me felt a kind of disaster to really handle my relationship v my friend who i took them as sincere as i can .. sigh...
There was a day, she left home n sms me about she wanna move out frm the house.. its fine to me.. but one things that she really act beyond my expectation was she ask her bf to ask deposit frm me, n saying that i kept her deposit..wat a funny law student who ask me such a stupid question?? she was beyond me expectation of her commom intelligent about the rental matter... i hv been stroke by her stupid question instead of her irresponsible conduct... it reflect my disaster to be frn with such kind of stupid ppl for such a long time who once i really took her as a true frn provided v all my help n care.. finally ..shit only in return .. she was the second one who hurt me n destroy the true meaning of friendship..ya.. i admitted that everything happened must has it cause n effect.. i did admit that i may too concentrate in my study tht omitted to take good care to my frn.. somehow.. it sound really illogical tht she cant proceed her life without me? n i dun think she really need me every second tht till i cant leave frm her?she should say or express sth to me if she really felt sth to talk or ask frm me..her silence has proved her act done deliberately..i wouldnt know wat she want if she didnt open her mouth right?many ppl adviced me to take this as a lesson..well.. lesson about what?? lesson about i should increase my spec power to see or believe in ppl or lesson to change my own personality to suit everyone around me? frankly.. i hv done my best to my frns..n I NEVER DO ANY BAD THING TO THEM ESPECIALLY TO HER..why should her threat me in this way?? just because she hate my bf?? this is another illogical answer tht i couldnt understand frm a true frn as i considered is n it IS really hurt.. *^%%^%#$*%^&^$@#@#% DAMN BITCH!!!!
Anyway.. i still hv some who were truely n trustworthy..but all in JB .. since i considered them as trusworthy then I think i shouldnt doubt them in any way because as far as i'm concern.. they still appreciate me as sincere as I did too! Somehow...On the other side of my mind.. i will link them to tht evil woman tht i met..n it frightened me some time when i start imagine that what if everyone similar to her.. this world must become so evil like living in hell.
Well..talk sth interesting instead of her..
I hv a good time v my old schmate this noon n we talk a lot of things tht recall bk a lot of things during our sch time.. i miss those innocent time so much.. n maybe due to have being thru so many days of innocnet life b4 tht make me so innocent today tht always beilieve in wrong person..(hope tht i could wake up asap)..we discuss some of our schmate who had married, thier job n thier life recently.. lee feong not really change much.. thru her description. i can felt that there were a lot of ppl hv changed.. ( to more materialistic)... last few days...i hv some communication v san..she told me tht she wanna be a house wife.. n was asking her bf when he is going to marry her..she still staying cute as b4...just surprising me tht she was so eager to be a house wife instead of earn more money as others ppl did..she is a nice girl .. n worth to protect.. really hope tht her bf can really threat her as nice as wat she is thiking of...
There was another task for me in this hoildays...there is to prepare for the up coming muet exam in Nov..sigh.. second time edi.. really hope tht i can brush up my langauge within this limited holidays.. TO STRIKE THE TARGET ASAP!!
Well.. i seems like being thru a lot of things during the time wc i didnt enter here..wow..it was hurt and made me felt a kind of disaster to really handle my relationship v my friend who i took them as sincere as i can .. sigh...
There was a day, she left home n sms me about she wanna move out frm the house.. its fine to me.. but one things that she really act beyond my expectation was she ask her bf to ask deposit frm me, n saying that i kept her deposit..wat a funny law student who ask me such a stupid question?? she was beyond me expectation of her commom intelligent about the rental matter... i hv been stroke by her stupid question instead of her irresponsible conduct... it reflect my disaster to be frn with such kind of stupid ppl for such a long time who once i really took her as a true frn provided v all my help n care.. finally ..shit only in return .. she was the second one who hurt me n destroy the true meaning of friendship..ya.. i admitted that everything happened must has it cause n effect.. i did admit that i may too concentrate in my study tht omitted to take good care to my frn.. somehow.. it sound really illogical tht she cant proceed her life without me? n i dun think she really need me every second tht till i cant leave frm her?she should say or express sth to me if she really felt sth to talk or ask frm me..her silence has proved her act done deliberately..i wouldnt know wat she want if she didnt open her mouth right?many ppl adviced me to take this as a lesson..well.. lesson about what?? lesson about i should increase my spec power to see or believe in ppl or lesson to change my own personality to suit everyone around me? frankly.. i hv done my best to my frns..n I NEVER DO ANY BAD THING TO THEM ESPECIALLY TO HER..why should her threat me in this way?? just because she hate my bf?? this is another illogical answer tht i couldnt understand frm a true frn as i considered is n it IS really hurt.. *^%%^%#$*%^&^$@#@#% DAMN BITCH!!!!
Anyway.. i still hv some who were truely n trustworthy..but all in JB .. since i considered them as trusworthy then I think i shouldnt doubt them in any way because as far as i'm concern.. they still appreciate me as sincere as I did too! Somehow...On the other side of my mind.. i will link them to tht evil woman tht i met..n it frightened me some time when i start imagine that what if everyone similar to her.. this world must become so evil like living in hell.
Well..talk sth interesting instead of her..
I hv a good time v my old schmate this noon n we talk a lot of things tht recall bk a lot of things during our sch time.. i miss those innocent time so much.. n maybe due to have being thru so many days of innocnet life b4 tht make me so innocent today tht always beilieve in wrong person..(hope tht i could wake up asap)..we discuss some of our schmate who had married, thier job n thier life recently.. lee feong not really change much.. thru her description. i can felt that there were a lot of ppl hv changed.. ( to more materialistic)... last few days...i hv some communication v san..she told me tht she wanna be a house wife.. n was asking her bf when he is going to marry her..she still staying cute as b4...just surprising me tht she was so eager to be a house wife instead of earn more money as others ppl did..she is a nice girl .. n worth to protect.. really hope tht her bf can really threat her as nice as wat she is thiking of...
There was another task for me in this hoildays...there is to prepare for the up coming muet exam in Nov..sigh.. second time edi.. really hope tht i can brush up my langauge within this limited holidays.. TO STRIKE THE TARGET ASAP!!
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