This is a new though of mine to the so called birthday celebration. I suspect such thought is not only result from my maturity, but the consequences of minggle among the old group in my work place. Just.. I found myself not belong to there. I hope I didnt constitute hard feeling to them, as I'll easily show my feeling on face expression. Then only I have to admit that a profession and the working environment will really change a person's mind that you will relentlessly find yourself some where out there where neither your old friends nor ppls who are not in ur profession can reach. Despite of this, I also need to admit that I'm not outspoken enough to know them, since I know that ppl who know my career will probably avoid to talk to me due to maybe pressure, so that I must learn to take initiative to minggle with them and know more friends in that kind of function.
Saturday, finaly can spend half day (few hours) working besides his room. He still looking not well as I could still heard his frequent cough and snizzling. He was finaly ask me to find him a case at the last few minutes before knock off. If there is others colleagues, they might blame him for non-consideration, however, I felt quite happy whenever he is asking me for help or delegate any task to me. I'd found another feeling to him that is I'll feel extra secure whenever and I could finish my tasks more effient with his present in the office.Why?? I believe such feeling is not so called the "love" but .. he manage to give such feeling that fill my insecurity. Maybe..like a Father? I suppose..
Morning, Sis send me to work and we had breafast nearby the office. Then I'd spend RM 6 for breakfast and I was so naive that she will pay for me like previously. At that point of time, I only realized that I'm no longer a small sister to them, I'm working , and is a future lawyer who indeed rich or atleast able to afford such breakfast. However, it is not in this critical period. Thats why zhong Hong always avoid to come out with us which is the most clever action.Because, once u cm out, it is inevitable that you will prepare to spend extra and sacrify your lunch in the next few days of works, this is what I so called "critical period" of a chambee, We look nice and steady but we earn little.So, in many times, you need to consider a lot when receiving invitation from friends for function or celebration, unless you have a strong financial family who manage to support you or still spoon feed you, otherwise you will have this kind of critical period as me.
Then, meet up with Ging Sin and frns for our weekend gathering, shopping and of coz the birthday celebration at night. Indeed, it is inevitably spending $$ for good lunch, movie, cake and birthday gift. Frankly speaking, I'm not really enjoy to the fullest cause I seems like an alien to them (their friends) than as one of them. I find no connection to start a communication because they were working almost in the same field as purchaser officer, they talk their career and stuffs usually encountered and I know nothing. Ya.. I think it is my problem, why I dont open up my mind and mouth to share sth with them, or at least introduce myself to them, or at least saying nice to meet you as I always did when meet senior lawyers in the Court. yyyy? I'm sucks in this point, shouldnt allowed the same thing happen next time.
Well, it is now 2 o'clock morning, this passage is the aftermath of eating over full that constitute this sleepless night. No matter how, I still need to sleep, to live a life as lawyer, daughter, sister, friend and girl friend of Bear.No matter how still need to accept the fact and own weakness. Yes, the biggest cruel fact is waiting for me next week. Although I'm trying to preprare the worst, but such feeling is killing me taht I really afraid that my confident will turn to infinite like the MUET experience last time.
God, if you heard me, you should also heard my devotion to endeavour for the best performance, if you did heard me, please let me go through this hurdle as there are still a lot for me to go through in future.
Thank you and Good night!
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