Masalah ini ditakdirkan tiada jawapan sepanjang jangka masa ini. Aku tahulah ini kerana tekanan daripada beberapa halangan, namun, bila terlalu banyak masalah tersumbat dan tidak dapat diselesaikan, hatiku berat seperti batu, aku rasa dah penat masa memandangkan masalah yang masih tersumbat. Loan kereta tidak dapat diselesai, peperiksaan etic yang diramalakan gagal, masalah bahasa, baik itu inggeris atau m'sia dah mula menarik perhatian yang 'amat khusus' daripada kolega saya.Dalam sebahagian besar masa, aku terasa mereka menghela nafas dan visi yang memandagkan saya rendah.
Kadang-kadang, aku merasa saya sebagai seorang yang cacat bahasa in antara semua di pejabat. Mereka akan tertanya kenapa yyp nak ambil ku seorang yang berpontensi kosong sebagai pelatih?? Dalam pandangan mereka, saya bahkan tidak berpontensi menjadi seorang juru tulis seperti mereka. Nampaknya masalah saya amat serius baru-baru ini bukan hanya apa yang telah diulas, terdapat satu-satu yang amat serius adalah saya tidak mampu memperoleh nilai profesional yang boleh dihargai atau dihormati oleh kolega, ahli-keluarga dan sahabat saya sekalian.
Kadang-kala, aku pun tidak faham masa aku nak cakap tapi tidak dapat mengeluarkan perkataan atau ayat yang diinginkan, macam tidak dapat mengawal percakapan seperti yang apa saya fikir. Rasa ini sanagat menyedihkan dan memalukan saya. Saya betul-betul mengharap agar saaya dapat menghadapi dan menangani semua kesusahan dan ketidakmampuan yang ketara dalam jangkamasa depan yang singkat.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
My first mid-autumn festival with family after grad!!
Is mid-autumn again! well, it deem nothing special or we can say is as usual, eating moon cake and enjoying chinese tea are the most delightful thing to do for this season, as ppl grew older, some significance stuffs like lantern or activities of chit-chatting/gathering under a full moon no longer be seen since daddy passed away about 10 years ago. Hmm... although femanist era is coming,yet I still think that, guys still play a crucial roles in a family where hardly can be replaced by female. Most of the time, I still think that guy is the family core center to provide certain support or security, be it economically, physically or spiritually. Especially to those chinese like me, one will easily find that, certain festival such as the mid-autumn, cheng ming, dumpling festival and so on will only be conducted consistently in most family where guys dominant.
Although my family did not considered as able to celebrate every season consistently as what a maculine family will normally do, yet, we did spiritually appreciate every season, the most important is to make sure each of us are healthy, safety, and happy during every season like this, we might not able to unite for the season, but atleast we know how each other doing fine with it.
I have a bad habit in the office recently. I use to leak out for somewhere when the boss is not in and without leaving msg to coulleagues. Why I cant find this common sense so important? Am I still childish or brainless?? Consequently, boss is so co-incidently looking for me during my leaking out time, kak su was so helpful to inform me by sms, but I was again stupidly did not call him immediately,coz afraid of yyp know that I have my lunch time 30 min earlier. After lunch, I quickly rush back the office, then call as instructed. Yet, he cut off the line, twice! Then I start panic, for my bad intention, and start thinking of variety of good reasons to explain my disappearance.
Ya.. after all, I found I really think too much, if he would ask me the same, i decided to tell the truth. Because, I suddenly recall back his 'good performance' during the CE interview. Based on his twist n turn ability, I dun think I could shun him from mistakes I did, the only way to mitigate is to be honest to him. After 2 calls which have been cut down by him, my worriness escalating, the feeling is so miserable that absolutely distract my focusing ability to works. Hence, I sms him to require to talk to him after he is available. Fortunately, he called back to inform what he was wanted to without asking further on my earlier disappearance from the office. Maybe, this is the only big difference between male and female boss. I believe female boss might have gone thru a series of Q n A with me in that situation. Anyway, although yyp seems dont mind to that matters, but I should be more careful next time, so that ppl in the office wont take prejudice or hesitate against my reponsibility and attitude to the bosses and colleagues. :)
Although my family did not considered as able to celebrate every season consistently as what a maculine family will normally do, yet, we did spiritually appreciate every season, the most important is to make sure each of us are healthy, safety, and happy during every season like this, we might not able to unite for the season, but atleast we know how each other doing fine with it.
I have a bad habit in the office recently. I use to leak out for somewhere when the boss is not in and without leaving msg to coulleagues. Why I cant find this common sense so important? Am I still childish or brainless?? Consequently, boss is so co-incidently looking for me during my leaking out time, kak su was so helpful to inform me by sms, but I was again stupidly did not call him immediately,coz afraid of yyp know that I have my lunch time 30 min earlier. After lunch, I quickly rush back the office, then call as instructed. Yet, he cut off the line, twice! Then I start panic, for my bad intention, and start thinking of variety of good reasons to explain my disappearance.
Ya.. after all, I found I really think too much, if he would ask me the same, i decided to tell the truth. Because, I suddenly recall back his 'good performance' during the CE interview. Based on his twist n turn ability, I dun think I could shun him from mistakes I did, the only way to mitigate is to be honest to him. After 2 calls which have been cut down by him, my worriness escalating, the feeling is so miserable that absolutely distract my focusing ability to works. Hence, I sms him to require to talk to him after he is available. Fortunately, he called back to inform what he was wanted to without asking further on my earlier disappearance from the office. Maybe, this is the only big difference between male and female boss. I believe female boss might have gone thru a series of Q n A with me in that situation. Anyway, although yyp seems dont mind to that matters, but I should be more careful next time, so that ppl in the office wont take prejudice or hesitate against my reponsibility and attitude to the bosses and colleagues. :)
Friday, September 17, 2010
Unsmooth.... but not at all.. :)
Many unsmooth events had ruined my life recently. I found myself so helpless in many situations that just cannot move myself on. Everything seems stucked; the feeling of listlessness, struggling for something, desperate, disappointment lingering my days. What happen to me? Whats wrong i done? Why God wanna treat me in this way? Wherever i go, there is stress. Be it in the office or at home. I just wanna get rid of it but apparently I cant. No matter how I'm trying to avoid sth unsmooth, I will still encounter them. It was like pre-determined. It was a situation that things cannot be done smoothly, ppl deem unlike me. I did suspect myself in the stake of depression.Neverheless... I clearly know that, it is just the down fall in my life, an opportunity for me to grow stronger and mature.
I did cry, alomost every night, but .. I know this is not the only way I should go through, I should be stun and face the problem.. I know.. just sometimes cannot digest those negative thinking quickly.. maybe it is my occupational diseases that always wanna find out every answer for problem which i cant understand. Communication is really crucial.. when there is a miss communication without being cured, it triggers to more misunderstanding and alienation among families and freinds.. i shouldnt let it happens coz if a lawyer who cant manage his own family relationship; how ppl could expect him or her to settle others dispute? This will be a big disaster. I hope i will nvr be the one.
Well... I just been thru the long prepared CE with the client. Yeo wanted me to start interview. I start with a short breifing about the area that will ask, then only proceed to the question. I felt apprecited and thankful to Yeo for this opportunity as i really learn a lot. It was just like a small practical tutorial ti train my CE skills. After I've finished my questions, Yeo start pointed out my weakness. Unfortunately, I still not able to acheive the answer as expected and I do not think my performance considered as standard or did impress him. Apparently, I'm lacking of tracing skills.
Yeo claimed that my questioning skill were too direct that allowing witness to circumvent my questions easily. To acheive the purpose, I should first ask them some relevant matters which did not directly revealed my intention to acheive the answer i want from them. I should instead lead them by a series of questions that make them bound to admit sth in the last question.
eg: For them to admit a clause in an agreement
Scope of the agreement -->purpose of the agreement--> undertaking between the party-->effect of the disputed clause--> performance of the clause--> fulfilment of the clause--> fact--> admission
This is the way of luring one into a trap and prove ur case. However, I think that this approach was quite time consuming, thus i decided to modify it abit for the better approaches i.e. Luring but directly, striking the goal shortly.
I like Yeo way of teaching very much. 1. He did not waste his time to only teach me, whereas, he save times to entertain his client while showed me an actual and effective way of CE by questioning the client personaly then listen to his way of questioning the client followed by my turn to questioning him while letting client to learn the proper ways of answering.At that moment, I felt I'm a fortunate pupil who can learn CE in this way. Yet, I'm greedy, I hope I could have more opportunities to learn like this. Frankly, I'm quite satisfy my performance as I keep inspiring myself to talk like a professional, yet I did. The whole conversation was smooth although not really acheive the answers from client. However, atleast I manage to get client contradict himself by 3 questions and manage to use the similar approach of Yeo to show a demo for client by CE Yeo.
Although I never think that Yeo will satify my performance, yet I wont give myself any pressures more as i've made all endeavors to do the best and i should admit my limited ability then improve myself, I mean it.
Always bear in mind that when there is a room for improvement, never give urself up and tell urself that you can do it!!
I did cry, alomost every night, but .. I know this is not the only way I should go through, I should be stun and face the problem.. I know.. just sometimes cannot digest those negative thinking quickly.. maybe it is my occupational diseases that always wanna find out every answer for problem which i cant understand. Communication is really crucial.. when there is a miss communication without being cured, it triggers to more misunderstanding and alienation among families and freinds.. i shouldnt let it happens coz if a lawyer who cant manage his own family relationship; how ppl could expect him or her to settle others dispute? This will be a big disaster. I hope i will nvr be the one.
Well... I just been thru the long prepared CE with the client. Yeo wanted me to start interview. I start with a short breifing about the area that will ask, then only proceed to the question. I felt apprecited and thankful to Yeo for this opportunity as i really learn a lot. It was just like a small practical tutorial ti train my CE skills. After I've finished my questions, Yeo start pointed out my weakness. Unfortunately, I still not able to acheive the answer as expected and I do not think my performance considered as standard or did impress him. Apparently, I'm lacking of tracing skills.
Yeo claimed that my questioning skill were too direct that allowing witness to circumvent my questions easily. To acheive the purpose, I should first ask them some relevant matters which did not directly revealed my intention to acheive the answer i want from them. I should instead lead them by a series of questions that make them bound to admit sth in the last question.
eg: For them to admit a clause in an agreement
Scope of the agreement -->purpose of the agreement--> undertaking between the party-->effect of the disputed clause--> performance of the clause--> fulfilment of the clause--> fact--> admission
This is the way of luring one into a trap and prove ur case. However, I think that this approach was quite time consuming, thus i decided to modify it abit for the better approaches i.e. Luring but directly, striking the goal shortly.
I like Yeo way of teaching very much. 1. He did not waste his time to only teach me, whereas, he save times to entertain his client while showed me an actual and effective way of CE by questioning the client personaly then listen to his way of questioning the client followed by my turn to questioning him while letting client to learn the proper ways of answering.At that moment, I felt I'm a fortunate pupil who can learn CE in this way. Yet, I'm greedy, I hope I could have more opportunities to learn like this. Frankly, I'm quite satisfy my performance as I keep inspiring myself to talk like a professional, yet I did. The whole conversation was smooth although not really acheive the answers from client. However, atleast I manage to get client contradict himself by 3 questions and manage to use the similar approach of Yeo to show a demo for client by CE Yeo.
Although I never think that Yeo will satify my performance, yet I wont give myself any pressures more as i've made all endeavors to do the best and i should admit my limited ability then improve myself, I mean it.
Always bear in mind that when there is a room for improvement, never give urself up and tell urself that you can do it!!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
New dream; new direction
I was living a reluctant or can consider in a life of financial inability. Hence, something popping in my mind quite oftenly to show a few avenues of earning profits. Whenever I've come across those ideas, the basic questions such as 4W n 1H emerged and lingering in my mind.
Those mind set wasnt purely because of my current financial situation, they emerged coz I've foreseen my future. I realized that I will definitely not the one who only wanna be an employee for life, which mean working for others forever, I wanna work and earn my profits through my own abilities and ideas. I wanna control my own financial income without depend on employer. I wanna be the real me in the business!
Again, 4W n 1H lingering above my head. Before I consider the 4W, I should have first answer the only 1H, HOW??? Undeniably, I got no capital to commence whatever I have an impulse to do it, so the only solution for this question is I should try another avenue to first gain the capital. What are those solutions then? The answers seems like coming back to my current working life that is endeavour to do the best in the trainee position. Next, I'll start pondering on something other than a trainee. Because it is obvious that what have been come across my mind at this far will only be a mere dream if my capital is going to depend only a trainee position in such an unpotential legal firm (I admit this is my big regret). So, the next solution is to find out some practical part time job to earn my capital. So far, I only think of to be a tuition teacher during weekend or in the daily night classes. However, by considering it further, I'll much prefer those part time vacancies which spend less of my time with high earining in return. It sound good yet hardly get one. All in all, I'm still searching for it.
I couldnt expect much before I could engage a profitable or high return part time. I wish it is not only a dream, when I say, I mean it and will endeavour to materealize it. Nevertheless, handsome is as handsome does, actions always better than words. Thus, I will try to achieve my first move that is to get a sideline job on tml!
Those mind set wasnt purely because of my current financial situation, they emerged coz I've foreseen my future. I realized that I will definitely not the one who only wanna be an employee for life, which mean working for others forever, I wanna work and earn my profits through my own abilities and ideas. I wanna control my own financial income without depend on employer. I wanna be the real me in the business!
Again, 4W n 1H lingering above my head. Before I consider the 4W, I should have first answer the only 1H, HOW??? Undeniably, I got no capital to commence whatever I have an impulse to do it, so the only solution for this question is I should try another avenue to first gain the capital. What are those solutions then? The answers seems like coming back to my current working life that is endeavour to do the best in the trainee position. Next, I'll start pondering on something other than a trainee. Because it is obvious that what have been come across my mind at this far will only be a mere dream if my capital is going to depend only a trainee position in such an unpotential legal firm (I admit this is my big regret). So, the next solution is to find out some practical part time job to earn my capital. So far, I only think of to be a tuition teacher during weekend or in the daily night classes. However, by considering it further, I'll much prefer those part time vacancies which spend less of my time with high earining in return. It sound good yet hardly get one. All in all, I'm still searching for it.
I couldnt expect much before I could engage a profitable or high return part time. I wish it is not only a dream, when I say, I mean it and will endeavour to materealize it. Nevertheless, handsome is as handsome does, actions always better than words. Thus, I will try to achieve my first move that is to get a sideline job on tml!
Monday, September 6, 2010
Boss' different stance ..
A brand new week with a bluish Monday~ Go to work as usual and thinking that I'll probably doing sidelined jobs as my current routine at work. Things often work out so differently from what I've anticipated...
Yeo in the office 11 a.m. sharp. He was then got Eng to pass me a letter and ask me to see him after prusing the same. A bad feeling come acrss my mind when I read the same content as the to the agreed bundle preparation I did on last 2 week. My bad feeling became stronger when I enter Yeo room and such feeling took effect after a series of Yeo's gratutious comments (terms that he usually use to express himself when he is actually teasing) to me. Although such comments deem unreasonable to me, yet I still feeling graceful to him, because his willingness of few minutes comments to me is far better than leaving me alone and doing nothing. Although felt a little discouraged by his words, after all I was surprisingly delighting and enlightening.
He comment badly to my work I did for him last 2 week. He complaint about my lack of initiative to aware things that he didnt inform or instruct me. He was effectively point out my problem of unpracticability as I always doing things like a student which I shouldnt. He said that whenever he gave me a task to do is not only like an school exercise, everything I did or going to do are with its purposes, I should take more initiative to really help him or reduce his burden by increasing my observation and awareness to find out something that he did not realize or to develope certain hided issues that not yet discovered by him. Ya.. I think I got some clues from him, although he choose to express in this way to me, yet I know what he means. If I'm not mature enough, I will take his words as mischivious or mala fide. Whereas, after I've been digested and conteplated his comments to me, I decided to take it as bona fide from him.
Bear also telling me the same that I should be more mature when listening to his comments which are actually for my benefit. Mom said that he is actually want me to pay more attention to things which might be insignificant but very important to me. Or something that I'll overlook frequently. All in all, I understand his point of view and I do hope I can learn from a more mature way and show him my abilities.
Afternoon, he ask me to follow Joey to Court to observe how Joey deposit the submission to Timbalan Registrar. Then Joey also offered me a Court tour and endeavour to explain each deparment with its function to me. Of cause, I appreciate her help and willingness of sharing. Despite of the court tour, I did enquire her about the opinion to the current firm ,reason for her to stay for long and files that she handled in the firm. The first 2 answers were quite satisfied, however, I'm pondering on the last enquiry to her. Becasue she answer me that she is actually assisting Mr LEE files as a court runner. Indeed, this is quite unbelievable as she already stayed for almost beyond 10 years. I'm wondering wouldnt she manage to handle files independently? Why she cant? Why she is still doing an assistant kind of work after so many years of legal experience? Is this firm looking down upon females' lawyers ability? Will I subject to what she has been through in future? If yes, it is terrible. Because I will definitely do not want to be a lawyer who only know to assist but not back with abilities to handle cases independently.
No matter how and what the firm going to be, what should I do for now is to act like a lawyer, be observative, mature and more initiative! When there is a will, there is a way :D
Yeo in the office 11 a.m. sharp. He was then got Eng to pass me a letter and ask me to see him after prusing the same. A bad feeling come acrss my mind when I read the same content as the to the agreed bundle preparation I did on last 2 week. My bad feeling became stronger when I enter Yeo room and such feeling took effect after a series of Yeo's gratutious comments (terms that he usually use to express himself when he is actually teasing) to me. Although such comments deem unreasonable to me, yet I still feeling graceful to him, because his willingness of few minutes comments to me is far better than leaving me alone and doing nothing. Although felt a little discouraged by his words, after all I was surprisingly delighting and enlightening.
He comment badly to my work I did for him last 2 week. He complaint about my lack of initiative to aware things that he didnt inform or instruct me. He was effectively point out my problem of unpracticability as I always doing things like a student which I shouldnt. He said that whenever he gave me a task to do is not only like an school exercise, everything I did or going to do are with its purposes, I should take more initiative to really help him or reduce his burden by increasing my observation and awareness to find out something that he did not realize or to develope certain hided issues that not yet discovered by him. Ya.. I think I got some clues from him, although he choose to express in this way to me, yet I know what he means. If I'm not mature enough, I will take his words as mischivious or mala fide. Whereas, after I've been digested and conteplated his comments to me, I decided to take it as bona fide from him.
Bear also telling me the same that I should be more mature when listening to his comments which are actually for my benefit. Mom said that he is actually want me to pay more attention to things which might be insignificant but very important to me. Or something that I'll overlook frequently. All in all, I understand his point of view and I do hope I can learn from a more mature way and show him my abilities.
Afternoon, he ask me to follow Joey to Court to observe how Joey deposit the submission to Timbalan Registrar. Then Joey also offered me a Court tour and endeavour to explain each deparment with its function to me. Of cause, I appreciate her help and willingness of sharing. Despite of the court tour, I did enquire her about the opinion to the current firm ,reason for her to stay for long and files that she handled in the firm. The first 2 answers were quite satisfied, however, I'm pondering on the last enquiry to her. Becasue she answer me that she is actually assisting Mr LEE files as a court runner. Indeed, this is quite unbelievable as she already stayed for almost beyond 10 years. I'm wondering wouldnt she manage to handle files independently? Why she cant? Why she is still doing an assistant kind of work after so many years of legal experience? Is this firm looking down upon females' lawyers ability? Will I subject to what she has been through in future? If yes, it is terrible. Because I will definitely do not want to be a lawyer who only know to assist but not back with abilities to handle cases independently.
No matter how and what the firm going to be, what should I do for now is to act like a lawyer, be observative, mature and more initiative! When there is a will, there is a way :D
Friday, September 3, 2010
Dinner with "Aliens"
Dato treating us dinner at PeKin this evening, George and Lee brought their lovely wives who are not considered as pretty but can see that they were presentable with their talkative humour and socialability. As usual, me, Joey and Tee were acting roles of being silent, Chok, partially silence, whereas Dato still playing the majot role as usual while the rest were act to cater Dato and laugh together, o ya, I'm the great laugher thr who at least contribute some delightful environment, indeed laughing is my strenghtness at that moment since the scenario over thr was just that inappropriate for me (yougster) to talk too much.
I was the first one who reach on time, Dato was the second. When I be the first one and he was the second without others, the whole scenario will just like the usual interaction as in his chamber. Although we were talking in such a supposingly enjoyful occassion, yet the conversation will never beyond casual. The topic were much constrained by works and the improvement of my English. He will definitely raise this issue whenever there is an occassion with only 2 of us. Then I think that, he will never get rid of this issue from me if I never show improvement to him. Definitely, I'm quite sad for that which is again I sense hopeless from him. Nevertheless, he was quite gentlement in the sense that he will voluntarily avoid this topic when Joey came in as number 3. Even so, I still felt stress due to the aftermath of a series of Q & A session with him.
Afterwards, they start talking about their children and some deep casual talk that you will actually find urself in Mars. I think it is due to the gap in term of age, experience and thought. They thought and talk like a high-class people that you really find hard to get yourself into the conversation. But I didnt find it hard to get into others young lawyers, so i think is the peoblems aging gap.
I dunno whether I'd lost my manner by making the first move to home. However, I really find it meaningless to keep acting as a laugher thr. Then I found that such a so mature and high-class accassion didnt suit me at all, I find myself a laughing machine there or you can call me "patung" or vase who serve no purpose but just eating because of wanna eat..haha.. sad. I swear I must get rid of this role and towards the role who dominate such accassion.
I was the first one who reach on time, Dato was the second. When I be the first one and he was the second without others, the whole scenario will just like the usual interaction as in his chamber. Although we were talking in such a supposingly enjoyful occassion, yet the conversation will never beyond casual. The topic were much constrained by works and the improvement of my English. He will definitely raise this issue whenever there is an occassion with only 2 of us. Then I think that, he will never get rid of this issue from me if I never show improvement to him. Definitely, I'm quite sad for that which is again I sense hopeless from him. Nevertheless, he was quite gentlement in the sense that he will voluntarily avoid this topic when Joey came in as number 3. Even so, I still felt stress due to the aftermath of a series of Q & A session with him.
Afterwards, they start talking about their children and some deep casual talk that you will actually find urself in Mars. I think it is due to the gap in term of age, experience and thought. They thought and talk like a high-class people that you really find hard to get yourself into the conversation. But I didnt find it hard to get into others young lawyers, so i think is the peoblems aging gap.
I dunno whether I'd lost my manner by making the first move to home. However, I really find it meaningless to keep acting as a laugher thr. Then I found that such a so mature and high-class accassion didnt suit me at all, I find myself a laughing machine there or you can call me "patung" or vase who serve no purpose but just eating because of wanna eat..haha.. sad. I swear I must get rid of this role and towards the role who dominate such accassion.
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