First step

YYP coming back today, and the feeling to him is so much different from last week when we have trial. He also did say Hi like previously and never enter my room today. The drastic feeling might because of I plan to have a series of interview this coming few months where my spirit for better job is burning. When you have such plan, your inception will automatically prevent you from being too close with your boss, to avoid any tendency that will change your mind to leave. Somehow, I felt a little bit guilty after the interview which is not fruitful to me. Although they will say this is kind of normal process where you have right to look for a better opportunity before your call day. Are they really that generous? Just imagine I'm YYP, if I know my student interview somewhere I'll sure feeling uncomfortable. In fact, this is how society work.

The funniest thing in this interview is that the boss of the firm is YYP's master!!! I was so lucky to have this honour to meet my grandmaster!! But, the interviewer does not impress me. Can see that he is very assertive kind of people, he mighgt be talkative but did not look humble in the manner of communication. One thing I really don't like is that, he share people's private matters with me which I felt highly irrespectful to those persons who he mentioned to me. Later on, he talk alot with me. My intereted post is conveyancing, yet he wants liti urgently. Througout the conversation, I can sense that he don't have much interest in me. Because I never do conveyancing before, maybe he is lazy to teach or to cultivate a newbee like me.Lastly, he asked me to call him if I've considered to work with him.

Well... this firm is really amazed me. I thought my office is the most ancient in the town; yet this firm is rather orthodox. If you say my firm is an old-folks home, this firm is a muzeum. No doubt, the pay maybe high, but I really cannot adapt to the extra typical 1960s' style firm like this. A strong feeling of being down-graded.
Next, should be Ms Pai. Hope that this is the one which suit me.Nevertheless, I will still give priority to own firm. Simply because I've really just used to it already. Consider...considering...and re-considering...It's really not simple to find a suitable job which was just like looking for a good husband!

Time to leave and say goodbye??

Well... my pupilage will be coming to an end in 3 months time, and it is time for decision and re-evaluate myself. More and more people are asking me the same thing recently; and more and more of my friends are sharing their good news of being retained by the firm. In many times, I'll always be the first one they shared the news with, and each time of sharing is actually attacking and hurting me. It is not purely because of jelousy but a feeling of guiltiness for my own insufficientcy, disasterous and incompetency. Their happiness has triggered my own failure in my career which I felt myself a redundant, under value and not being appreceiated.

George asking me for tea this morning. As expected, during this sensitive period, his purpose of having a cup of tea with me is not purely bluffing or bragging his experience with me. I don't know whether I was being too sensitive, but I can definitely sense or hinted something by his talk and conversation to me.Despite of sharing his legal experience which has been repeated to me, he was trying to know what I want to do or the area I want to practise after chambering. I insinuiting him about my intention to practise conveyancing, but he was keep asking me to choose an area if I would have chance to practise liti. Then I reponded him about my view to the current trend of litigation practice. I shown my interest and also my worry in litigation practise to him. He then start talking about his view and some good experience he gained trying to change my mind to this practise. Actually he was about to persuade me; yet, I fail to pursuade myself to hold on and to have passion in litigation practice.

When we were walking back to the office, he then ended the conversation by saying that: "Since you still have one more month for chambering, just learn whatever you can and you should have know about what you are good and not good in, so think about it" This suggestion did influence my another half day in the office. As usual, I start interprete it negatively. My Goodness! Can anyone analyse his intention by this statement that he said to me? It drove me silly in the office and was distracted me.

After a very useful conversation with my friend, I think i should not be so whimpy anymore. And then, I shall declare my decision to leave YYP and YTHT! Go for the better furture career, my career will still bright without the existance of him!

The insight of a week of Trial

I have no idea of since when I was being labeled as a Trial Chambee. All that I've involved was being part of the trial playing a role of the not too important one but the one who can't be without with. DP's trial started by this Wednesday, as usual, we are not able to finish it within the fixed days of 3. I suppose this is the biggest case with the biggest client through out my pupilage. The Pl is a JB well known upstart, whereas our client is a Tan Sri. Just a week of trial, I felt I was drifted apart from families and friends, giving an impression of arrogant and impersonal.

Well, let's first talk about the insightness of this trial. Big lawyer, big clients and witness were presented in this trial, that really widened my exposure. 1st day of trial, YP introduced me to Tan Sri, when I was introducing my name as Ms Tan, Yp misheard I addressed Tan Sri as Mr Tan, haha.. after I've clarified the truth, everyone seems like being amused by YP's black humour. There are a lots of witness called in this trial, YP is the co-counsel while Mr Thommy Thomas, a well known KL lawyer is the lead counsel. First day, JN was come to assist Yp while I was doing my usual task of taking down note.

The P's first witness is the plaintiff himself, a 63 years old upstart, who did not cooperate with the counsel nor understand the question. He contends his lack of education which became the reasons for him to escape from almost every question. One thing amazed me is that his attitude and appearance is contradicted to his status of a director and developer. He is more like a gangster!! He is also keep emphasizing he only have standard 6 education, then I start pondering what make him an upstart with so much of wealth and properties? At that point of time, he makes me puzzlig on myself of why studying so much, being a so called "professional" with little money.

Second day, to my surprise, Yp instruct JN to go bk office half way the trial. Haa.. she was asked to type the NOP!!! Finally, what I thought for long has happened, so this is a good time for her to prove her superb ability to produce such notes in a time with her glamorous English language that is 100% accurately! Sometimes, I suspected YP can read my feeling, and then he will suddenly do something that pleased me! I did enjoy a few moment of joy when he asked JN back for the NOP. Then she can experience my difficulties and hardship that she supposed is very easy. I think the second day is the most delightful trial I have with Yp. Not only because JN's disappearance in the court, I was also given opportunity to join Tan Sri, Thommy and client a short while for case discussion at Thistle Hotel. After a tired but delighful day, GS asked me for a old school mates' gathering with all funs and laughing.

Just half way of gissiping, YP rang me and asked me to get ready with the contract act and paper after I've reached home. That's mean I have to bk home immediately coz he is waiting for my resource!! Thus, the gathering ended by YP >_< After reach home, I did the same as what he instructed me.searching for the part of the proceeding and searching for sections for him...That moment, I start wondering whether I still wanna practice litigation like him?

Again, he repeat the same question tome that whetehr I still wanna practise? This time, I was not as affirm as before, I did not answer him, my persistency has been shaken, not by him, but from what i've seen. My hopelessness to the court is shaking my persistency~

Valentine's... a very special one!

This is a very special Valentine's day that I'd ever have. Special in term of the same feeling with different of him. I've found myself being emotionally unfaithful to my love one. Someone's position deem promoted in my heart; yet another one sent me flowers to secure his position in my heart. I think I've got myself into a real problem recently, I know I can't fall into this slippery slop that will definitely ruin me, I knew it and I'm trying to control it, but sometimes I do afraid that whether he could read me? Because he is a mature and an experience man knows to deal with people in all walks of life, I was pondering he might be able to sense something on me. Especially I discovered that he will do something trying to test me whether I'm into him...or am I thinking too much?

Why is that my valentine is so special for this year? The reason being I've spend about half of my valentine's day with the one who I was emotionally unfaithful with yet I got a surprise by flowers from my bf!! This is a mix feeling that I don't have last Valentine's day. Because of working, I've no choice but have to spend half of the day with him. It was a trial, the witness's counsel successfully adjourn the case to the afternoon finding all kind of excuses do not want to have his witness present or cross-examined. When we go back to the court, he bet with me that the witness present; of course I bet the witness is not present. He said if I lose the bet, I shall pay him for 10 sen.

Clearly, people will definitely take it as a joke, and even 1 party lose the bet, he or she will not take it so serious that to pay that 10 sen to the one who won the bet. Here, I found I was caught by his trap. This is a test! If you've took his joke so seriously and to do whatever he said, that possibly will mean, you care about what that person had said to you and this might show you're interested in him!! Shit! Last week, I even bought him a cake for his birthday. What am I doing recently? Is that too obvious? I should not do such thing anymore, but my ultimate intention is trying to get along with him better, it might not be what I was thinking.

Ya...about that 10 sen. I have printed the 10 sen with pencel on a small piece of paper and wish him a nice day, then I've put the real 10sen underneath the paper trying to surprise him. GODDDD!!!! Why am I did so much of nonsense to him? I'll left him soon, I can't develope any special feeling to him, no! I wanna leave this company for sure! I don't want him to be my corner stone that makes me suffering later. I should not be like that anymore. Be serious to my future, be serious to my love one and keep a line between him and me!

Why my journey of life is tougher than others?

Yesterday, I was reproched by JN in a very nice way, that kind of reprochment is rather unendurable and ridiculous if compare to what YYP used to do to me. Before CNY, I was happily handed up my notes to JN for second edition. I was rushing the notes day and night so that she could able to complete the second edition in time and to have a blissful CNY. I was doing that with good faith. But, what had happened yesterday proved something to me that, when there is something is going to jeopardise one's self-interest, your kindness to that person will be the first thing jeopardised by that person. No doubt, this thing is usual and it happens, otherwise no competition, no one can be easily survived if no such thing happened. Actually, it's really not a big deal to me, but at least soemone had reflected his true colour at the moment, so it's good that I'm able to take note on that.

She ended up can't finish the second edition of the notes and she honestly confess to YYP the same PLUS, of course the REASONS in which I came into picture. She said she can't finish it because there are too many errors and mistakes. But, one thing I felt a little console is that YYP did question her about the time frame because I'd actually sent the notes to her on time. After threwing all those reasons which are RELEVANT to me, she entered my room and was trying to make her reasons consistent with my incompetency by proving those RELEVANT reasons with GOOD ADVICE to me. In fact, what she said was true, but your late submission should have nothing to do with my incompetency. Because, if there is no question in my incompetency, YYP will not need her to do the second edition for accuratecy purposes. Therefore, on the prima facie of it, hers unable to complete the job has become my problem due to my incompetency, and then I was PLEASED to help her to complete it.

By her request, I was again became a DJ wearing the head phone, listening to the video to review the whole things again. YYP noticed that, and surprisingly, he asked me not to continue with it and he said he will do it. I told him I was doing that with JN's request. He was then again said: "no need."(with a cheerful face, which is more to my surprise). I did not pleased by her extraordinary behaviour, on the contrary, I was scared by that attitude which couldn't be explained. Well... I might as well take it that he was having an appointment in S'pore to celebrate Law Sang since today is the seventh day of CNY, that is the only reason I could have perceived from him. Otherwise, with no reason for him to behave that way, he did scare me.

Lately, I also found that he is choosing not to comment on me, although there were several opportunities for him to do so, but he didn't. In fact, he chooses to reserve many things to me. That makes me feels like peace before a disaster begins. Because he likes to give people a surprise. And please don't tell me that he will be the one who will object my admission during the long call day. Whenever he is trying to treat me nicely, I'll definitely think that that must be a purposes behind it. My intuition told me that, his kindness is not for perpetual, but is more like a token of wanting me to appreciate him despite that he maybe devastated my dream or to embarrass me in one fine day.

Fortunately, I got my bf who consulted me not to think negatively. He is so true and said that I was too easily being influenced by how people are judging on me. When something which is negative to me, I lost my stand and my own persistence on something. That's a huge probition for a litigator in my field. I should learn to speak for my right, and I did the first step today. Because, if I can't speak for my right, how am I going to speak and stand up for my client? I think I was being unreasonably too shy. Is this something to do with because I'm the youngest in the family? So I used to have no idea on something, only know to obey instead of arguing? I think yes. So, I should now learn to be persistent but not stubborn in what is right to me.

CNY Eve 2011

This CNY eve dinner is organised at Sg Rengit as usual. But, I sensed diferrences if compare to the dinner that I have last year. We have less participant this year since 4th uncle left us last year, and 2nd aunt and family was absent for cousin sis' confinement preparation. So, only a few of us, i.e. 1st, 2nd and 3rd uncle+families, 3rd and youngest aunt, and us. Well, although we have not much people for the dinner, but I was so enlightened by the conversation we have during the dinner. 2nd uncle was as talkative as usual in his bible talk. He is a faithful christian and he will definitely share a lots of bible talk with us in every CNY eve dinner, and normally, the youngsters like us did not really entertain by his talk, of course we reapect to his religion, but we find it difficult to understand his faithfulness to God by surrounding the whole conversation the issue of bible.

However, after I've been a part of society, I find myself indulged in his bible talk this year. Actually, his bible talk did make some sense indeed! But, because I'm an atheist, I respect to people religion views; yet I will be much respect to the reasoning of science, especially those have been proved. 2nd uncle have a very good sense of enlightening me by conveying his religion view into stuffs happened in our live. He said: "God will only grant us ability for handling something that is within that ability, not for something beyond that, that's how God lead us to the true destination that belong to us". Indeed, it's so true. Intelligence is gifted by God, while ability to achieve is depend on us, not everyone willing to achieve according to the steps, there are ways of short cut, there are ways by putting tremendous effort. Anyway, what and where your destination is does not a metter, but the journey to it does a matter. In between, we'll meet several turning points that might trigger change of destination, or have our destination half way aborted. That is crucial.

25 years old, I hope everything will be smoother than last year, may all my obstacles be solved with greater health and job opportunities ahead!! Huat arhhh~~~~