Why my journey of life is tougher than others?

Yesterday, I was reproched by JN in a very nice way, that kind of reprochment is rather unendurable and ridiculous if compare to what YYP used to do to me. Before CNY, I was happily handed up my notes to JN for second edition. I was rushing the notes day and night so that she could able to complete the second edition in time and to have a blissful CNY. I was doing that with good faith. But, what had happened yesterday proved something to me that, when there is something is going to jeopardise one's self-interest, your kindness to that person will be the first thing jeopardised by that person. No doubt, this thing is usual and it happens, otherwise no competition, no one can be easily survived if no such thing happened. Actually, it's really not a big deal to me, but at least soemone had reflected his true colour at the moment, so it's good that I'm able to take note on that.

She ended up can't finish the second edition of the notes and she honestly confess to YYP the same PLUS, of course the REASONS in which I came into picture. She said she can't finish it because there are too many errors and mistakes. But, one thing I felt a little console is that YYP did question her about the time frame because I'd actually sent the notes to her on time. After threwing all those reasons which are RELEVANT to me, she entered my room and was trying to make her reasons consistent with my incompetency by proving those RELEVANT reasons with GOOD ADVICE to me. In fact, what she said was true, but your late submission should have nothing to do with my incompetency. Because, if there is no question in my incompetency, YYP will not need her to do the second edition for accuratecy purposes. Therefore, on the prima facie of it, hers unable to complete the job has become my problem due to my incompetency, and then I was PLEASED to help her to complete it.

By her request, I was again became a DJ wearing the head phone, listening to the video to review the whole things again. YYP noticed that, and surprisingly, he asked me not to continue with it and he said he will do it. I told him I was doing that with JN's request. He was then again said: "no need."(with a cheerful face, which is more to my surprise). I did not pleased by her extraordinary behaviour, on the contrary, I was scared by that attitude which couldn't be explained. Well... I might as well take it that he was having an appointment in S'pore to celebrate Law Sang since today is the seventh day of CNY, that is the only reason I could have perceived from him. Otherwise, with no reason for him to behave that way, he did scare me.

Lately, I also found that he is choosing not to comment on me, although there were several opportunities for him to do so, but he didn't. In fact, he chooses to reserve many things to me. That makes me feels like peace before a disaster begins. Because he likes to give people a surprise. And please don't tell me that he will be the one who will object my admission during the long call day. Whenever he is trying to treat me nicely, I'll definitely think that that must be a purposes behind it. My intuition told me that, his kindness is not for perpetual, but is more like a token of wanting me to appreciate him despite that he maybe devastated my dream or to embarrass me in one fine day.

Fortunately, I got my bf who consulted me not to think negatively. He is so true and said that I was too easily being influenced by how people are judging on me. When something which is negative to me, I lost my stand and my own persistence on something. That's a huge probition for a litigator in my field. I should learn to speak for my right, and I did the first step today. Because, if I can't speak for my right, how am I going to speak and stand up for my client? I think I was being unreasonably too shy. Is this something to do with because I'm the youngest in the family? So I used to have no idea on something, only know to obey instead of arguing? I think yes. So, I should now learn to be persistent but not stubborn in what is right to me.