It's year end and 2011 is coming after 3 more days. So, what have I done that is worth to mention throughout year 2010? Frankly say, except that I'm still remained healthy, optimistic, successfullt graduated as a LLB holder, then I can't think of other events that could impress my 2010. I don't know whether it is because of I have wrongly engaged a firm for my chambering or what...I felt admist in the end of 2010, I felt that I'm struggling for nothing which is an unfruitful journey to me. Most of time, I will feel anxiety, low self-esteem, worry, and irritating. Listening to people's good news, then I will start to compare with myself that trigerring to a rather serious mixed feeling that leading me to a discourage's slippery slop.
End of the 2010, which is the time for me to make decisions for a better 2011. Stay or leave? Go for clearing my gov's responsibility or remained silent to it? Single life or couple life ahead? JB or Seremban? and many more hesitations keep popping out in my mind that making me puzzling for my future. Why no one is appreciated me? Why my salary remained unincrease? Why I'm not as outstanding as people are expected me to? Why everything I did will seems like so wrong? Why no one is recognised me?
Just about to knock off from office, I begin to obess with something about myself, seriously and trying to re-evaluate the current me in the current position in this society, family, and the relationship with him. Then I only realized I'm actually did not or I can say never ask myself what I really want to be in the rest of my life? What I'm actually want and what I should do to stand out from the crowd? Had I found the real me? If I want to be a litigant, a lawyer, am I doing something that I'm in the right track towards a better lawyer? If I want to earn monies, am I doing something which are practical to materialize it?
I should be out spoken in order to be a good lawyer. I should able to take risk for a better career with lucrative earning. I should manage to control my emotion in order to always moving on the right track. I should remain positive for challenges in front of me! I should stop being childish by conduct or thought. I should move forwards and give myself chances to find a real me, a real me of 25!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
I PASSED!!!!!
An insurmontable trouble has been sorted out by today, it is the happiest thing I have recently. In other words, I will no need to sit for any paper tomorrow onwards. I'm officially say goodbye to all those papers' examination in my life.
But when I brought this good news to YYP, it seems weird and I was embarrased when Kak Su know bout it and teasing me that I was just like a little girl who showing off my result with my daddy.At that moment, although embarras but I do enjoy that moment which he really seems like my father :) After peacocking my result to him, he was praising me by shouting out loud "GOOD!!!" . I think this is the loudest compliment I have from him. But I'm clearly know that I will get the louder discourangment from him if I'm still remaining unimprove. No matter how many papers I've passed, it means they were something already passed, no one will mention the same thing again. What people are concerning is the current performance and your future potentiality.
Hence, I should not indulge into the passed victory but strive for the better performance within this limited period. Good luck to my subsequent trials!!
But when I brought this good news to YYP, it seems weird and I was embarrased when Kak Su know bout it and teasing me that I was just like a little girl who showing off my result with my daddy.At that moment, although embarras but I do enjoy that moment which he really seems like my father :) After peacocking my result to him, he was praising me by shouting out loud "GOOD!!!" . I think this is the loudest compliment I have from him. But I'm clearly know that I will get the louder discourangment from him if I'm still remaining unimprove. No matter how many papers I've passed, it means they were something already passed, no one will mention the same thing again. What people are concerning is the current performance and your future potentiality.
Hence, I should not indulge into the passed victory but strive for the better performance within this limited period. Good luck to my subsequent trials!!
Friday, December 10, 2010
Is time to make life's decisions
Uncountable unsmooth events happened through out the weeks. I almost emotionally devastated. To my surprise, I looked strong sometimes, especially in front of my colleagues and friends, yet only my family knew the true me. I'm extremely fragile at home, I will cry, I soliloquize whenever I'm alone and I even scold myself.
As what I've expected, nothing in the firm will be delegated to me in favour of my chmabering. The jobs' flow is apparently decreased if compare with the beginnings of my chambering. This is a clear sign of master giving up the pupil; and this manifested the logic of an employer who will not impart skills and practical knowledges to a person that he do not want to retain. Nevertheless, I did strive hard to learn as much as possible and majority are based on self study. My inner peace struck when my approach to Mr Tee for wanting of learning conveyacing was indirectly rejected by him. At that point of time, the only word "hopeless" can describe everything.
Congratulation! I've encountered the valley point in life.
As what I've expected, nothing in the firm will be delegated to me in favour of my chmabering. The jobs' flow is apparently decreased if compare with the beginnings of my chambering. This is a clear sign of master giving up the pupil; and this manifested the logic of an employer who will not impart skills and practical knowledges to a person that he do not want to retain. Nevertheless, I did strive hard to learn as much as possible and majority are based on self study. My inner peace struck when my approach to Mr Tee for wanting of learning conveyacing was indirectly rejected by him. At that point of time, the only word "hopeless" can describe everything.
Congratulation! I've encountered the valley point in life.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Stop Ruffling me again!
Yesterday, I've changed my perspective to him when he was trying to teach me the usage of english grammar according to my notes of proceedings. My perspective changed again when he was unreasonably asking me to walk to the High Court to check a case's numbers which was not there! I can still remembered, that was a raining afternoon when I first step out from the office! I keep thinking why he want to treat me like that? Is it because I spend him too much for the lunch due to the wrongly ordered meal? Is it because I've failed to provide a useful notes of proceedings, hence he wanted to give vain by treating me like this? If both are not possible, then why? At that moment, I was just assuming as if he was traning me, that it is.
Nonetheless, I begin to doubt my initial assumption. Today, I'm trying to bring a new me, a more cheerful of me to the office, and I decided to treat him nicer to pay some respect to him. I have even took initiative to ask him for lunch, yet, the later interaction with him disappointed me. During the lunch time, we were talking about the gamble's games such as "Cho Dai Di" and Poker. I said I know to play and I do enjoy the games. Then he starts being so assertive and said that "...is your family have gambling blood?" I was directly felt insulted by him, then I threw a question back to him with an uncomfortble tune that " What do you mean by "gambling blood"? Such an impolite and assumptive question did reffling me and I mind it! Later on, we talk about the Judge's gossip, meanwhile, Lien called me, I was having a telephone concersation with her while walking back to office with him, naturally he has lisstened to part of our conversation.
Then, he suddenly came into my room, closed up the door and telling to me that "Please do not disclose whatever we have talked among ourself, especially the Judge's gissip, please don't share with your chmbering mates." This is another disrespect way of communication. If you are really concerned on this matter, just keep it yourself and dont share in front of someone who you do not belive; or you do not trusted in. Why after saying all these ribbish, then come to tell the person that "Hey, Please do not disclosed ok, with a serious face!" Which is really annoying and not neccessary to me!
The combination of these 3 incidents making me to feel neccessary to re-evaluate him and his intention of wanting to teach me, which is now has been put into question????
Nonetheless, I begin to doubt my initial assumption. Today, I'm trying to bring a new me, a more cheerful of me to the office, and I decided to treat him nicer to pay some respect to him. I have even took initiative to ask him for lunch, yet, the later interaction with him disappointed me. During the lunch time, we were talking about the gamble's games such as "Cho Dai Di" and Poker. I said I know to play and I do enjoy the games. Then he starts being so assertive and said that "...is your family have gambling blood?" I was directly felt insulted by him, then I threw a question back to him with an uncomfortble tune that " What do you mean by "gambling blood"? Such an impolite and assumptive question did reffling me and I mind it! Later on, we talk about the Judge's gossip, meanwhile, Lien called me, I was having a telephone concersation with her while walking back to office with him, naturally he has lisstened to part of our conversation.
Then, he suddenly came into my room, closed up the door and telling to me that "Please do not disclose whatever we have talked among ourself, especially the Judge's gissip, please don't share with your chmbering mates." This is another disrespect way of communication. If you are really concerned on this matter, just keep it yourself and dont share in front of someone who you do not belive; or you do not trusted in. Why after saying all these ribbish, then come to tell the person that "Hey, Please do not disclosed ok, with a serious face!" Which is really annoying and not neccessary to me!
The combination of these 3 incidents making me to feel neccessary to re-evaluate him and his intention of wanting to teach me, which is now has been put into question????
Monday, December 6, 2010
A mystery that happened on me~
Today, I went to work with a an uneasy feeling. Who knows the trouble is bigger than what I've expected. I was thinking that he will probably reproach me for those grammatical errors in the notes he edited last weekend. I did not expect that the proceeding's CD were lost! The moment I found it lost; my heart sank and this is the worst thing that I do not wish to happen. No way under this situation, I told him the truth. Unexpectly, he did not angry but keep laughing and saying that don't worry, when something lost, it must be at somewhere you will never expected because you will only searching for those places where you are assuming the thing is there.
Searching for so many places and I also purposely make a trip home to search it again, yet, nothing is found. I know he is trying not to angry or to reprove me for my careless' characteristic, but I know he will keep it in heart; I thought I was about to fly to a heaven; yet it seems like I was being brought into hell again that I will never be able to bounce back. I will not that worry if my boss is other people, but to an assertive people like him, I can guarantee that he has no longer able to keep any good impression to me. This mishap has brought me down to the infinitive which is an evidence and a proof of a useless person.
4 p.m., I went to High Court again to make another copy. Fortunately the interpreter who was in in duty is Ms Chin, a good friend of mine among the court's staff. While she was helping me to get the CD recorded, we chit-chating alots. Then I realized something that are enlightening me. I couldn't explain why I felt much better after a casual talk with her, maybe I really need someone to talk to reduce my pressure. I found that, no matter how worst you think the life is, we still need to go through it, so long as we are still breathing. That being the case, why not try to recover from those mishap and lead a better life ahead? And that is all about the matters of choice :)
Searching for so many places and I also purposely make a trip home to search it again, yet, nothing is found. I know he is trying not to angry or to reprove me for my careless' characteristic, but I know he will keep it in heart; I thought I was about to fly to a heaven; yet it seems like I was being brought into hell again that I will never be able to bounce back. I will not that worry if my boss is other people, but to an assertive people like him, I can guarantee that he has no longer able to keep any good impression to me. This mishap has brought me down to the infinitive which is an evidence and a proof of a useless person.
4 p.m., I went to High Court again to make another copy. Fortunately the interpreter who was in in duty is Ms Chin, a good friend of mine among the court's staff. While she was helping me to get the CD recorded, we chit-chating alots. Then I realized something that are enlightening me. I couldn't explain why I felt much better after a casual talk with her, maybe I really need someone to talk to reduce my pressure. I found that, no matter how worst you think the life is, we still need to go through it, so long as we are still breathing. That being the case, why not try to recover from those mishap and lead a better life ahead? And that is all about the matters of choice :)
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Endless storm in the teacup
A supposed beautiful Sunday begins with a listless morning. I've excused myself from a badminton game by a white lie. Still, I'm getting up at 7 morining to lend them my badminton racket.
10a.m. ..half way having my breakfast, I received YYP's sms asking me to bring my head phone on tomorrow because he wants to listen to a part of the proceeding. This requirement indicates the up coming trouble tomorrow, and I noticed it with emotionally prepared for tomorrow's lecture from him, hence, I replied him "Noted". At 12 p.m. I received another sms from him, the message stated all my preposition mistakes that he found in the notes of proceedings which sound really irritating him. I've pause for 20 minutes to reply him.
Frankly, I've ran out of idea to reply, due to no idea, and the only thing I sensed in his sms is that he has been frustrated because of editing my works, so I end up with a very funny reply, to make him feel more relax and it also clear my doubt of his temper to me. I stated in my sms that "I apologize for my grammatical incompetency, but I'm not intent to ruin your sunday like this, don't be too angry and I will try to solve the problems tomorrow. Sorry", the he replied that "Don't worry, I have finished the 1st 2 days, I'm not angry, it is more for your future". The last 2 sentence did move me, I really understand my problems, I appreciate his concern on my future, if so, I think he can do more instead of too picky to my english grammar.
No matter how I'm trying to express my view to him or to strive something for my future, he will still have his own perspective which has been entrenched in his mind firmly. Is this called "stubborn"? His 2 messages surely indicate tomorrow a doom day for me. Just like what he had said to me, not everything can be prpepared beforehand, you will always be caught by surprise in any event that you have to act steadily, sponteneous, composed and confidently.
Because he had made me spiritually tired and stress in this few days which I think is unhealthy. Therefore, I decided to take this ocaassion as a life's experience, to face him and my problem with all my courage and confidence. Take his lecture and appreciate all opportunities that might given from him and LEARN. If I manage to overcomes all these obtacles, I think I will then be a successful lawyer. Don't you think so?
10a.m. ..half way having my breakfast, I received YYP's sms asking me to bring my head phone on tomorrow because he wants to listen to a part of the proceeding. This requirement indicates the up coming trouble tomorrow, and I noticed it with emotionally prepared for tomorrow's lecture from him, hence, I replied him "Noted". At 12 p.m. I received another sms from him, the message stated all my preposition mistakes that he found in the notes of proceedings which sound really irritating him. I've pause for 20 minutes to reply him.
Frankly, I've ran out of idea to reply, due to no idea, and the only thing I sensed in his sms is that he has been frustrated because of editing my works, so I end up with a very funny reply, to make him feel more relax and it also clear my doubt of his temper to me. I stated in my sms that "I apologize for my grammatical incompetency, but I'm not intent to ruin your sunday like this, don't be too angry and I will try to solve the problems tomorrow. Sorry", the he replied that "Don't worry, I have finished the 1st 2 days, I'm not angry, it is more for your future". The last 2 sentence did move me, I really understand my problems, I appreciate his concern on my future, if so, I think he can do more instead of too picky to my english grammar.
No matter how I'm trying to express my view to him or to strive something for my future, he will still have his own perspective which has been entrenched in his mind firmly. Is this called "stubborn"? His 2 messages surely indicate tomorrow a doom day for me. Just like what he had said to me, not everything can be prpepared beforehand, you will always be caught by surprise in any event that you have to act steadily, sponteneous, composed and confidently.
Because he had made me spiritually tired and stress in this few days which I think is unhealthy. Therefore, I decided to take this ocaassion as a life's experience, to face him and my problem with all my courage and confidence. Take his lecture and appreciate all opportunities that might given from him and LEARN. If I manage to overcomes all these obtacles, I think I will then be a successful lawyer. Don't you think so?
Saturday, December 4, 2010
A blessing black weekend
Yesterday, I was hurt for encountering obstacles in my early career. I thought nothing bad is going to be happened again after visiting and telling papa my problems at papa's grave yard this noon. I have to emphasize here is that I'm not visiting papa only because when I encountered problem and needed his extra bless to me; I'm not supertitious either. Such visit is just to pay respect to him and cherish his memorial day, which is the 12th memorial day.Time flies as he already left us for 12 years. I still can remember I was crying sadly the same day of 12 years ago. I think I was doomed by this day that will be a sad day to me. After mom, sis and me shown our respect to my late father, we continue our journey for lunch. Initially, we planned to have it at Danga City Mall, but it ended up having our lunch at Sutera because we cannot find the U-turn point to DCM. So, I think this is my destiny to meet the cars' accident half way through Skudai road.
I drove my car as usual as I did in the week days. When I passed by Kemayan City towards the Skudai Road, I realised the white Toyota Vios which was in front of me, not close; and within a distance, Toyota has lightened up the brek's light,then of course I slower down my car once I saw brek's light appeared. When I felt my car getting closer, I quickly brek and pressing my car's brek to the deepest, yet it is still too late. I screamed at the last moment when my car almost stick with Vios, and then "BANG!!!", at that second, I thought everything has come to an end and I think something bad must have happened for sure. 2 second later, another "BANG!!!" from behind, and I'm very sure at that moment that something serious happened. 3 cars involved, but the main culprit already ran away. We all come down; and of course the first thing to do is to check the car's wound.
The Toyota has the most trifling wound. Mine is the serious and the Honta behind the 2nd serious. Then is about damages. The Toyota's driver did not suffer loss, so he did not insist on look into the problem, and it is also because he knew that it is all the main culprit's fault, which is a S'pore's car that causing his emergency brek and the later mishap. Because there is no fault of 3 of us, so we deem not to investigate further but to claim our own insurance. Nonetheless, we forgot to note down the 2 cars' plate numbers in order to claim insurance. It ends up being teased by the whole world of people including the police uncles, one of them even nag me of no sensitivity for what I supposed to notice when encountering an accident. Lesson here is that if you crash into the car in front of you; the you will always be the loser, even if you reversed your car and crash into the car behind, you will still a winner. So, when an accident happened, always taking down the place, time, car plates' numbers, name of the driver. A law's pupil like me should know all this but I never realised it!!? I was amazed and hurt by my stupidity again. This incident of my lacking of observation and awareness seems like insinuating me that I really not suitable and unworthy to be a lawyer?
Be that as it may be true, I hope I will not give up, I want to continue my dream and my legal career, I do not want to give up!For sure.
I drove my car as usual as I did in the week days. When I passed by Kemayan City towards the Skudai Road, I realised the white Toyota Vios which was in front of me, not close; and within a distance, Toyota has lightened up the brek's light,then of course I slower down my car once I saw brek's light appeared. When I felt my car getting closer, I quickly brek and pressing my car's brek to the deepest, yet it is still too late. I screamed at the last moment when my car almost stick with Vios, and then "BANG!!!", at that second, I thought everything has come to an end and I think something bad must have happened for sure. 2 second later, another "BANG!!!" from behind, and I'm very sure at that moment that something serious happened. 3 cars involved, but the main culprit already ran away. We all come down; and of course the first thing to do is to check the car's wound.
The Toyota has the most trifling wound. Mine is the serious and the Honta behind the 2nd serious. Then is about damages. The Toyota's driver did not suffer loss, so he did not insist on look into the problem, and it is also because he knew that it is all the main culprit's fault, which is a S'pore's car that causing his emergency brek and the later mishap. Because there is no fault of 3 of us, so we deem not to investigate further but to claim our own insurance. Nonetheless, we forgot to note down the 2 cars' plate numbers in order to claim insurance. It ends up being teased by the whole world of people including the police uncles, one of them even nag me of no sensitivity for what I supposed to notice when encountering an accident. Lesson here is that if you crash into the car in front of you; the you will always be the loser, even if you reversed your car and crash into the car behind, you will still a winner. So, when an accident happened, always taking down the place, time, car plates' numbers, name of the driver. A law's pupil like me should know all this but I never realised it!!? I was amazed and hurt by my stupidity again. This incident of my lacking of observation and awareness seems like insinuating me that I really not suitable and unworthy to be a lawyer?
Be that as it may be true, I hope I will not give up, I want to continue my dream and my legal career, I do not want to give up!For sure.
Friday, December 3, 2010
What do you feel in the 5 months chambering???
This is the question posted by YYP after being frightened by my terrible notes of prceedings. Again, the issue of my terrible grammar was raised. And again, his hopeless face shown to me while posting that question to me. I pause at there a while; there are the answers flash upon my mind, just that I did not say it out. Actually, the bigger word appeared in my mind is "DISAPPOINTMENT". After that pause,he can't wait me to answer and he continues to say that "I think you should know, we will not neccessary to absorb you after your chambering if you cannot solve your problem...".
He went on saying that: " So, do you plan to practise or you intend to work for bank or company?", and this question has been asked for N times that giving me an impression that to him, I'm not suitable to survive in the legal field, so it is better for me to change field with my bad english and it seems like I'm not qualified to be part of the legal profession. His words link me to few events, such as he never ask me to appear in front of the Registrar or in Chamber on behalf of him, he never ask me to attend any PTCM on behalf of him, he never ask me to attend or to make him available to attend any specific Bar's events like Professional Ethic Course's dinner, Bar Counsil's EGM or even my shortcall.
In short, he is very reluctant to establish our Master and Pupil relationship to his colleagues and friends, because he is too afraid of being embarrassed by his pupil like me who has no colourful family background, no strong educational background, no knowledge or sensibleness, and nothing to proud of. Because of my weakness, it looks better to him to just keep me in the firm like antiques collection. Yet, it is not so important of what he comments on me; what important now is that he makes me realize his intention of not to retain me, which is through the conversation, and is again proving my choice is wrong! At first, I shall confess my grammatical incompetency. But, I'm trying to improve it, which cannot be magically success and become as good as a band 6 student within months. I did not and I will never blame anyone for my weakness, because it is the result from unstable foundation that did not properly built since my childhood.
Nevertheless, the space and opportunities to a wider exposure of legal practise should not be restricted just because of I'm lacking of grammatical competency! This is the thing I'm so disappointed of. He is giving me an impression of because I do not have strong english grammar's foundation, therefore he should not waste time to teach me something beyond that. And hence, what he is more willing to entrust me are those without the need of writing or language's skills, and that in other senses is indeed to harm me. If grammatical incompetency is the core problem of me, then I start wondering whether it is correct for a master to just keep you in the firm, not giving chance to deal with clients, or not giving chance to handle files involved legal procedure's application just because you have the grammatical problem? If these are correct, then many of my friends should encounter the same tribulation as me! On the contrary, all of them learning much better and more than me, they have endless files with different subject matters, handling all these from how a file to be opened until a files closed. They are given chances to speak and deal with clients, although they always complaining that how they were scolded by the bankers, clients, opponents' solicitors, but there are good experiences to me!
When he spoke of the intention of not retaining me, one thing pop up in my mind is that "Is he still willing to groom me up later? Since I do not have any value worth him to teach!" If what he is thinking is the same as me, then he is considered himself doing charity in the rest of my 4 months of legal training; and the principles for someone doing charity are that "Within their means" and/or "Enough is enough". So, for those who only can do something within their means and to them is considered as enough, which are justifiable only based on how means they were and what they think is "enough".I believed they will most probably treat me like an orphan or a refugee. What I can get will never be what I'm expected or will definitely not something complete.
I also realized and it is also amazing to me that I seems like never impress any of the bosses through 5 months of traning? Nonetheless, I need solutions! I don't like this helpless' feeling that making me weak cowardly. Should I leave? Should I change my Master? Should I endure for the rest of 4 months, then pull myself out or...? I think my bigger problem now is that his lacking of confidence in me has extiguished my eagerness to learn and to be better. I was distracted. Suddenly, I don't know how to face him or discuss something with him. His bad intention lingering my mind every second that I cannot concentrate to do something better.
After that incident in the morning, he was calling for an emergency meeting in the afternoon. Well... I do not know how I could sensitive enough to feel that they are discussing something about me!I think I'm crazy. I lost my direction, can someone please be my savior!
He went on saying that: " So, do you plan to practise or you intend to work for bank or company?", and this question has been asked for N times that giving me an impression that to him, I'm not suitable to survive in the legal field, so it is better for me to change field with my bad english and it seems like I'm not qualified to be part of the legal profession. His words link me to few events, such as he never ask me to appear in front of the Registrar or in Chamber on behalf of him, he never ask me to attend any PTCM on behalf of him, he never ask me to attend or to make him available to attend any specific Bar's events like Professional Ethic Course's dinner, Bar Counsil's EGM or even my shortcall.
In short, he is very reluctant to establish our Master and Pupil relationship to his colleagues and friends, because he is too afraid of being embarrassed by his pupil like me who has no colourful family background, no strong educational background, no knowledge or sensibleness, and nothing to proud of. Because of my weakness, it looks better to him to just keep me in the firm like antiques collection. Yet, it is not so important of what he comments on me; what important now is that he makes me realize his intention of not to retain me, which is through the conversation, and is again proving my choice is wrong! At first, I shall confess my grammatical incompetency. But, I'm trying to improve it, which cannot be magically success and become as good as a band 6 student within months. I did not and I will never blame anyone for my weakness, because it is the result from unstable foundation that did not properly built since my childhood.
Nevertheless, the space and opportunities to a wider exposure of legal practise should not be restricted just because of I'm lacking of grammatical competency! This is the thing I'm so disappointed of. He is giving me an impression of because I do not have strong english grammar's foundation, therefore he should not waste time to teach me something beyond that. And hence, what he is more willing to entrust me are those without the need of writing or language's skills, and that in other senses is indeed to harm me. If grammatical incompetency is the core problem of me, then I start wondering whether it is correct for a master to just keep you in the firm, not giving chance to deal with clients, or not giving chance to handle files involved legal procedure's application just because you have the grammatical problem? If these are correct, then many of my friends should encounter the same tribulation as me! On the contrary, all of them learning much better and more than me, they have endless files with different subject matters, handling all these from how a file to be opened until a files closed. They are given chances to speak and deal with clients, although they always complaining that how they were scolded by the bankers, clients, opponents' solicitors, but there are good experiences to me!
When he spoke of the intention of not retaining me, one thing pop up in my mind is that "Is he still willing to groom me up later? Since I do not have any value worth him to teach!" If what he is thinking is the same as me, then he is considered himself doing charity in the rest of my 4 months of legal training; and the principles for someone doing charity are that "Within their means" and/or "Enough is enough". So, for those who only can do something within their means and to them is considered as enough, which are justifiable only based on how means they were and what they think is "enough".I believed they will most probably treat me like an orphan or a refugee. What I can get will never be what I'm expected or will definitely not something complete.
I also realized and it is also amazing to me that I seems like never impress any of the bosses through 5 months of traning? Nonetheless, I need solutions! I don't like this helpless' feeling that making me weak cowardly. Should I leave? Should I change my Master? Should I endure for the rest of 4 months, then pull myself out or...? I think my bigger problem now is that his lacking of confidence in me has extiguished my eagerness to learn and to be better. I was distracted. Suddenly, I don't know how to face him or discuss something with him. His bad intention lingering my mind every second that I cannot concentrate to do something better.
After that incident in the morning, he was calling for an emergency meeting in the afternoon. Well... I do not know how I could sensitive enough to feel that they are discussing something about me!I think I'm crazy. I lost my direction, can someone please be my savior!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
The latest me.
Well, the latest me is busy, exhautive, curious, unhealthy, listless, anxious and searching my way to the brighter furture.
I was attending trial which supposed last for a week, but it has been adjourned after 3 days of trial that had drove me crazy by burning the midnight oil to produce the notes of evidence. My data was lost at the first day, I thought he will be frustrated by my mistakes, but after a night of effort, I managed to produce a draft notes in the next morning. I've actually prepared to listen his "gratitious adsvice" in that morning; he was nevertheless not scolding me but was surprisingly showed concern to me. He asked me how many hours I slept that night, whether able to continue the subsequent trial, concerned on my health (because I've suffered slight flu that day) and that made me relieve. After the 3 days trial, I begin to feel annoying when think of preparing the notes of proceedings. He wants me to produce notes that is accurate, neat and grammatically correct in a very short time that making me suffocated.
After twice review on the notes in accordance with the audio and video evidence, I've sent my masterpiece to him and Joey. Still, when I perusing them all over again, I can see the grammatical mistakes and typo errors revealed somewhere of the masterpiece. Then I guess I'm probably disappointing him again and will be pissed off by him in the next few days again. Be that as it may, I should say that I've made every endeavour to complete the notes as precise as I could. Sometimes, it is really not my problem of languange alone, it is the counsels' problem who like to put forward the grammatical incorrect long winded question in a scattered manner. In regard to this, I'm also wondering how an english's master manage to listen to them clearly and reduce such scattered sentences into a precise wording and meaning of their intention to the questions?
They might be of view that I can produce much precise notes if I could spend more times to re-perusing them few times again. Well, I will difinitely object to them! It is because I hate spending time for robot's works! Strictly speaking, I do not think I learnt much in only doing the typing works and listening to the audio. Undeniably, the most that I could have learnt is the proceeding examination skills and the language used in the trial but nothing more than that.I wished to learn something involve interaction, practical, able to apply and to see the outcome of such application which is material. I did not suggest that my current tasks are useless or inpractical;in fact it is not but just lacking of application and I hardly see the chemical between what I've learnt and what i can apply from what I've learnt. Therefore, I'm just trying to finish off the robot's tasks at hand and proceed to the application stage of learning.
I hope I'll manage to expose whatever I think are neccessary in future within these few months. Cheers and I'm looking forward the new me in the up coming training.
I was attending trial which supposed last for a week, but it has been adjourned after 3 days of trial that had drove me crazy by burning the midnight oil to produce the notes of evidence. My data was lost at the first day, I thought he will be frustrated by my mistakes, but after a night of effort, I managed to produce a draft notes in the next morning. I've actually prepared to listen his "gratitious adsvice" in that morning; he was nevertheless not scolding me but was surprisingly showed concern to me. He asked me how many hours I slept that night, whether able to continue the subsequent trial, concerned on my health (because I've suffered slight flu that day) and that made me relieve. After the 3 days trial, I begin to feel annoying when think of preparing the notes of proceedings. He wants me to produce notes that is accurate, neat and grammatically correct in a very short time that making me suffocated.
After twice review on the notes in accordance with the audio and video evidence, I've sent my masterpiece to him and Joey. Still, when I perusing them all over again, I can see the grammatical mistakes and typo errors revealed somewhere of the masterpiece. Then I guess I'm probably disappointing him again and will be pissed off by him in the next few days again. Be that as it may, I should say that I've made every endeavour to complete the notes as precise as I could. Sometimes, it is really not my problem of languange alone, it is the counsels' problem who like to put forward the grammatical incorrect long winded question in a scattered manner. In regard to this, I'm also wondering how an english's master manage to listen to them clearly and reduce such scattered sentences into a precise wording and meaning of their intention to the questions?
They might be of view that I can produce much precise notes if I could spend more times to re-perusing them few times again. Well, I will difinitely object to them! It is because I hate spending time for robot's works! Strictly speaking, I do not think I learnt much in only doing the typing works and listening to the audio. Undeniably, the most that I could have learnt is the proceeding examination skills and the language used in the trial but nothing more than that.I wished to learn something involve interaction, practical, able to apply and to see the outcome of such application which is material. I did not suggest that my current tasks are useless or inpractical;in fact it is not but just lacking of application and I hardly see the chemical between what I've learnt and what i can apply from what I've learnt. Therefore, I'm just trying to finish off the robot's tasks at hand and proceed to the application stage of learning.
I hope I'll manage to expose whatever I think are neccessary in future within these few months. Cheers and I'm looking forward the new me in the up coming training.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Am I spend too much times in a firm called "Heaven"????
First, I should confess that I'm not kiasu, just that if you never take a look of how others are doing then u will never know how serious ur current situation is. I received a call from teng teng who asking me bout some liti procedure of cost. As usual that she will keep giving vain of her overloaded jobs given by her master and bosses which I think is a very good trainning for her instead of abusing. She is then spoke in an envy tune that how she loves my working environment which is so relaxing and out of stress, which is to me another sense of learning nothing. Indeed, I can considered my firm is a heaven. The bosses seldom bother me except George who looks more eagerly to let me try sth new and learn more. YYP seems like no choice but have to give me some taks to play a role of "Master", I can see that he wish not to see me if he wouldnt be my Master. Now, I dunno whether i can consider my firm is a hell or heaven?
It is serious that it will be a hell to me if I still couldnt explore much on litigation since my firm is 90% liti, not even to say conveyancing that i think i dun have much chance to touch it. I really wanna learn something practical like how to calculate costs, how to apply JID when we can do so, when to serve writ of sunnon, when to exchange documents so on ans so forth. At last the question still directed on me, where is my initiative? SInce when my perseverance of initiative has been extinguished??? I want bk my initiative! i dun wanna die at heaven's firm which is later on a hell to me. I must safe myself!!!
It is serious that it will be a hell to me if I still couldnt explore much on litigation since my firm is 90% liti, not even to say conveyancing that i think i dun have much chance to touch it. I really wanna learn something practical like how to calculate costs, how to apply JID when we can do so, when to serve writ of sunnon, when to exchange documents so on ans so forth. At last the question still directed on me, where is my initiative? SInce when my perseverance of initiative has been extinguished??? I want bk my initiative! i dun wanna die at heaven's firm which is later on a hell to me. I must safe myself!!!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
the 4th month's chambering
Time flies!! I cannot recall back how many times I start the 2 words in my blog. Indeed it is so true that time flew and never wait for people. My pupillage is stepping in the month of 4th. What is my insight and experience had i gained for these months? Not few but reasonably sufficient. So far, I have learnt to appear in front of High Court SAR for mention and PTCM, but I had never appear before session and magistrate that i think i should have a try at one fine day. Ironically, those apportunity was not be given by YYP but GN. YYP is good also, but if u ask me what he had taught me, i can only recollect those experiemce in which most of them were trying to cater his style of work. Frankly, he didnt teach what i wanna learn like drafting and attending court or client.Majority of those matters were given by GN instead of him. Nevertheless, he did ask me to draft sth too, but I cant explain the reason why i hardly recall what I'd learnt from his works. The obvious impression are mostly his "gratuitous advices" to the my works. And because of his "advices" I've learnt something else like I found myself strongest when against critique, I found myself more careful and neat in my works.
Ya, I got my Berry Babe last month end and also hurt my Babe 3 weeks after in the Office's basement which is damn narrow and bending, tht was the first time i felt the real pain of being hurt when seeing my Babe's scar. I have my first Pre Trail Case Management with another chambee yesterday which is successful and funny. Apparently both of us were inexperience and first time to deal with it. I believed the SAR can observe the same by few questions to us. Fortunately she was in a quite good mood yesterday, otherwise i cannot imagine how are we going to be slaughtered by her.
This weekend will be going to genting with my dear and is also surprisingly no need to work for this Sat which has been readily approved by YYP! Next tuesday onwards will begin the complecated trial which i can see my boss woriiness to it. I just hope that everything will be going smoothly although it might be a hard battle for 1 man against 3 that is going to be a 4 men shows!I quite looking fwd to it.
Ya, I got my Berry Babe last month end and also hurt my Babe 3 weeks after in the Office's basement which is damn narrow and bending, tht was the first time i felt the real pain of being hurt when seeing my Babe's scar. I have my first Pre Trail Case Management with another chambee yesterday which is successful and funny. Apparently both of us were inexperience and first time to deal with it. I believed the SAR can observe the same by few questions to us. Fortunately she was in a quite good mood yesterday, otherwise i cannot imagine how are we going to be slaughtered by her.
This weekend will be going to genting with my dear and is also surprisingly no need to work for this Sat which has been readily approved by YYP! Next tuesday onwards will begin the complecated trial which i can see my boss woriiness to it. I just hope that everything will be going smoothly although it might be a hard battle for 1 man against 3 that is going to be a 4 men shows!I quite looking fwd to it.
Friday, October 8, 2010
An inspiring day to be remembered...
Sakae's case for submission is conducted in the afternoon today. I was riding on Yeo's Benz to High Court as usual at 2.15 p.m. The only thing that I found unusual is that he asked me to tie up the ribbon for him at car park. This might be usual for others, but I'd sensed a little akward to do that for him; maybe I've been too sensitive, still, I personaly think that such action should be reserved for someone who has closer relationship with him; to categorize me as one of them sound quite radiculous and embarrassing. I hope I really think too much in pertaining to that usual matter.
I'd felt inspired today is not because of tying ribbon for him for sure. Such inspiration is all because of my impressive performance that I've been satified with.Although I do not think that I've jotted down all the relevant notes during the submission, yet I at least did somethinig that are practical, smart and useful today. After gaining the experience from last trial, I start doubting on the pl's counsel professionality. Thus, I keep reminding myself to get back my common bundle from him. Initially, Yeo intend to take from him but he went for tea with Jerald and clients. Thank to Papa that I met him in the car park and manage to get it from him.
Later on, Yeo asked me to join them for tea. Jerald warmly invites me to KL to look for him in future. As usual, listening to their gossip, political views, jokes and many other things. O ya, I finally met Valarie, a not too tall girl who sounds nasty in the telephone conversation last time. She looks about my age, but I do not feel like wanna know her more or wanna friend with her for the simple reason that she doesnt impress me in the first place with her nasty tune.
Before riding on his benz, he put his stuffs in the car trunk then left the bonnet open as usual. After the experience last time, I was alert enough to take initiative to offer him my help. After all, he compliment that he can see that i can learn something fast. I think it is the biggest compliment from him for the time being. Heading back to the office, Yeo suddenly recalled back the common bundle that he is supposed to take from Pl, I pointing him the bundle which put at the back seat and told him I already got it from the pl, my heart burst with superiority when I saw his face was at ease. On the way to the office, he has asked me about the up coming KL trip. He also asked me few considerate questions like when I depart, where I'm going to stay, how to go to the Bar Council in the morning. last but not least "Remember to bring umbrella in case rainning"..dunno why I've felt an honour when he showed caring like this.
Nevertheless, his care for me might be a poisoning that slowly make me owing him favors or something. I wrote all this here is to remind me that never keep compliments too seriously; I have the obligation to achieve brighter career and future for myself and will never because of someone else. Keep learning and to be a better person is a life long learning process, it should never be obstructed or become stagnet because of people's perception on you are too good or too lousy.
However, when knocking off, Tee's advice in the lift make me pondering on something. He advise me to learn more from Chok and follow him to court when have opportunities. The combination of this statement and his facial expression told me not only this. The more precise interpretation from the combination of both is that "you should not only or keep following Yeo for litigation practice, you can learn more from Chok and can become better". When I told him I was following Yeo oftenly to court, his facial expression reflects his prejudice to Yeo, this is what I did not quite understand. Am I really too sensitive? Tee must got his point for what he had said to me, I should bear this in mind and find more opportunities to learn from Chok. Because, after all the one who benefited is me :)
I'd felt inspired today is not because of tying ribbon for him for sure. Such inspiration is all because of my impressive performance that I've been satified with.Although I do not think that I've jotted down all the relevant notes during the submission, yet I at least did somethinig that are practical, smart and useful today. After gaining the experience from last trial, I start doubting on the pl's counsel professionality. Thus, I keep reminding myself to get back my common bundle from him. Initially, Yeo intend to take from him but he went for tea with Jerald and clients. Thank to Papa that I met him in the car park and manage to get it from him.
Later on, Yeo asked me to join them for tea. Jerald warmly invites me to KL to look for him in future. As usual, listening to their gossip, political views, jokes and many other things. O ya, I finally met Valarie, a not too tall girl who sounds nasty in the telephone conversation last time. She looks about my age, but I do not feel like wanna know her more or wanna friend with her for the simple reason that she doesnt impress me in the first place with her nasty tune.
Before riding on his benz, he put his stuffs in the car trunk then left the bonnet open as usual. After the experience last time, I was alert enough to take initiative to offer him my help. After all, he compliment that he can see that i can learn something fast. I think it is the biggest compliment from him for the time being. Heading back to the office, Yeo suddenly recalled back the common bundle that he is supposed to take from Pl, I pointing him the bundle which put at the back seat and told him I already got it from the pl, my heart burst with superiority when I saw his face was at ease. On the way to the office, he has asked me about the up coming KL trip. He also asked me few considerate questions like when I depart, where I'm going to stay, how to go to the Bar Council in the morning. last but not least "Remember to bring umbrella in case rainning"..dunno why I've felt an honour when he showed caring like this.
Nevertheless, his care for me might be a poisoning that slowly make me owing him favors or something. I wrote all this here is to remind me that never keep compliments too seriously; I have the obligation to achieve brighter career and future for myself and will never because of someone else. Keep learning and to be a better person is a life long learning process, it should never be obstructed or become stagnet because of people's perception on you are too good or too lousy.
However, when knocking off, Tee's advice in the lift make me pondering on something. He advise me to learn more from Chok and follow him to court when have opportunities. The combination of this statement and his facial expression told me not only this. The more precise interpretation from the combination of both is that "you should not only or keep following Yeo for litigation practice, you can learn more from Chok and can become better". When I told him I was following Yeo oftenly to court, his facial expression reflects his prejudice to Yeo, this is what I did not quite understand. Am I really too sensitive? Tee must got his point for what he had said to me, I should bear this in mind and find more opportunities to learn from Chok. Because, after all the one who benefited is me :)
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Needless of fear; taking brave stand
4 months of chambering, a mixed feeling to me, sometimes I had had a sense of belonging for the effort I've paid and the outcome for tasks had done. Be that as it may, there is disappointment too! I gradually realize my weakness that deem overwhelming recently. A sense of guiltiness emerged when others who are trying to give chances and to see more improvement in me but unimprovement contributing their dispointment that end up discourage me. I was trying to be better each time, yet the outcomes were dissatisfying. Again, languange is the most big problem, 2nd, my impersonality that too shy to click with others, to voice out, to mix, in short, Yeo will definitely think that I'm lacking of interpersonal quality, being inarticulate, inattentive and unable to express or communicate appropriately. However, these are not my characteristic! I'm not what they have perceived and imagined. I couldnt explain why I always felling nervous when speak until others prompted me. I suppose myself a decisive and clear minded person. Who and what cause me change drastically?
I ponder whether I'm asking too much sometimes. In many times, I'll feel that whaever and whenever I speak, is inappropriate to others. But when I keep silence, peopele start pondering why I seldom reveal my insight to the matters they are concerning or discussing. I felt difficult to strike a balance to enjoy the social diversity. I sense people's hesitation on me, such as how could a pupil who is so desire to be a litigant is not outspoken or even not social able as being inarticulate in expressing herself or point of views. My inception start denying to perceive English. I know this is the serious problems in me.
Too much of unnescessary thought and self doubting contrubuting spiritual exhausted and scaterred-brain. Where is my confidence? Is the idioms "When people are giving you up; never give up yourself" the only way for me to persist my pupillage period?
I ponder whether I'm asking too much sometimes. In many times, I'll feel that whaever and whenever I speak, is inappropriate to others. But when I keep silence, peopele start pondering why I seldom reveal my insight to the matters they are concerning or discussing. I felt difficult to strike a balance to enjoy the social diversity. I sense people's hesitation on me, such as how could a pupil who is so desire to be a litigant is not outspoken or even not social able as being inarticulate in expressing herself or point of views. My inception start denying to perceive English. I know this is the serious problems in me.
Too much of unnescessary thought and self doubting contrubuting spiritual exhausted and scaterred-brain. Where is my confidence? Is the idioms "When people are giving you up; never give up yourself" the only way for me to persist my pupillage period?
Sunday, October 3, 2010
A succint for a memorable Sept 10'
Sept is the most memorable month in my chambering period, is the most learned month to me.
I was giving an opportunity to follow a case with Yeo who provide every chance for me to take part in the civil proceeding. I was asked to interview our client by pretnding myself a opponent counsel. Although the outcome of my cross-examination did not satifying Yeo as usual, but i can see a little improvement in compare to my last trial. Then, I was also asked to follow Yeo to 2 days of trial. I've leraned a lot not only the way to conduct a full trial, 3 examination, how to open speech n close speech, how to assess judge to our stand, how to calm witness down when they are losing patient or temper, how to crave leave from judge for direction, how to object the opponent to posting irrelevant question,to produce the notes of evidence so on and so forth. Despite of that, I've learned from Yeo of interpersonal skills and ways of how to treat people nicer and sincere.
My admiration to him increased when he discern my personality and pointed out my shortcoming which are quite true. He said that because of i'm the youngest in the family, I've been pempered, being passive and do not know to take care of others which when I think deepened, I found that it is quite true. Of cause I was quite shocking wheh he said so, but I never felt angry or incomfortable at all. In contrary, I felt I'm such a lucky girl who met a good master and boss who willing to correct my weakness and want me to be a better person. This is something that I believed non of my coulleagues enjoyed the same benefit as me.
I've been invited to bear's nephew full moon celebration last 2 days. I was told that bear's brother-in-law doesnt click well with his mom. All in all, something revealed to me that, it is not easy to unite 2 different family by marriage. It can be easily seen through these occasion especially when the crystallization of two family occured. When both family doenst communicate well in certain matters, dispute become inevitable. However, such dispute seems to me redundant. When people care too much of how one give and take, it results in dispute.
I told Bear that, if i will have children next time, i will choose to take care myself because the children are mine, why burden our parents who at thier old age? Why confinement? Why eoropean doesnt do so but have their baby n mom survived??
I was giving an opportunity to follow a case with Yeo who provide every chance for me to take part in the civil proceeding. I was asked to interview our client by pretnding myself a opponent counsel. Although the outcome of my cross-examination did not satifying Yeo as usual, but i can see a little improvement in compare to my last trial. Then, I was also asked to follow Yeo to 2 days of trial. I've leraned a lot not only the way to conduct a full trial, 3 examination, how to open speech n close speech, how to assess judge to our stand, how to calm witness down when they are losing patient or temper, how to crave leave from judge for direction, how to object the opponent to posting irrelevant question,to produce the notes of evidence so on and so forth. Despite of that, I've learned from Yeo of interpersonal skills and ways of how to treat people nicer and sincere.
My admiration to him increased when he discern my personality and pointed out my shortcoming which are quite true. He said that because of i'm the youngest in the family, I've been pempered, being passive and do not know to take care of others which when I think deepened, I found that it is quite true. Of cause I was quite shocking wheh he said so, but I never felt angry or incomfortable at all. In contrary, I felt I'm such a lucky girl who met a good master and boss who willing to correct my weakness and want me to be a better person. This is something that I believed non of my coulleagues enjoyed the same benefit as me.
I've been invited to bear's nephew full moon celebration last 2 days. I was told that bear's brother-in-law doesnt click well with his mom. All in all, something revealed to me that, it is not easy to unite 2 different family by marriage. It can be easily seen through these occasion especially when the crystallization of two family occured. When both family doenst communicate well in certain matters, dispute become inevitable. However, such dispute seems to me redundant. When people care too much of how one give and take, it results in dispute.
I told Bear that, if i will have children next time, i will choose to take care myself because the children are mine, why burden our parents who at thier old age? Why confinement? Why eoropean doesnt do so but have their baby n mom survived??
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Mengapakah hatiku berrrratttt sangat???
Masalah ini ditakdirkan tiada jawapan sepanjang jangka masa ini. Aku tahulah ini kerana tekanan daripada beberapa halangan, namun, bila terlalu banyak masalah tersumbat dan tidak dapat diselesaikan, hatiku berat seperti batu, aku rasa dah penat masa memandangkan masalah yang masih tersumbat. Loan kereta tidak dapat diselesai, peperiksaan etic yang diramalakan gagal, masalah bahasa, baik itu inggeris atau m'sia dah mula menarik perhatian yang 'amat khusus' daripada kolega saya.Dalam sebahagian besar masa, aku terasa mereka menghela nafas dan visi yang memandagkan saya rendah.
Kadang-kadang, aku merasa saya sebagai seorang yang cacat bahasa in antara semua di pejabat. Mereka akan tertanya kenapa yyp nak ambil ku seorang yang berpontensi kosong sebagai pelatih?? Dalam pandangan mereka, saya bahkan tidak berpontensi menjadi seorang juru tulis seperti mereka. Nampaknya masalah saya amat serius baru-baru ini bukan hanya apa yang telah diulas, terdapat satu-satu yang amat serius adalah saya tidak mampu memperoleh nilai profesional yang boleh dihargai atau dihormati oleh kolega, ahli-keluarga dan sahabat saya sekalian.
Kadang-kala, aku pun tidak faham masa aku nak cakap tapi tidak dapat mengeluarkan perkataan atau ayat yang diinginkan, macam tidak dapat mengawal percakapan seperti yang apa saya fikir. Rasa ini sanagat menyedihkan dan memalukan saya. Saya betul-betul mengharap agar saaya dapat menghadapi dan menangani semua kesusahan dan ketidakmampuan yang ketara dalam jangkamasa depan yang singkat.
Kadang-kadang, aku merasa saya sebagai seorang yang cacat bahasa in antara semua di pejabat. Mereka akan tertanya kenapa yyp nak ambil ku seorang yang berpontensi kosong sebagai pelatih?? Dalam pandangan mereka, saya bahkan tidak berpontensi menjadi seorang juru tulis seperti mereka. Nampaknya masalah saya amat serius baru-baru ini bukan hanya apa yang telah diulas, terdapat satu-satu yang amat serius adalah saya tidak mampu memperoleh nilai profesional yang boleh dihargai atau dihormati oleh kolega, ahli-keluarga dan sahabat saya sekalian.
Kadang-kala, aku pun tidak faham masa aku nak cakap tapi tidak dapat mengeluarkan perkataan atau ayat yang diinginkan, macam tidak dapat mengawal percakapan seperti yang apa saya fikir. Rasa ini sanagat menyedihkan dan memalukan saya. Saya betul-betul mengharap agar saaya dapat menghadapi dan menangani semua kesusahan dan ketidakmampuan yang ketara dalam jangkamasa depan yang singkat.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
My first mid-autumn festival with family after grad!!
Is mid-autumn again! well, it deem nothing special or we can say is as usual, eating moon cake and enjoying chinese tea are the most delightful thing to do for this season, as ppl grew older, some significance stuffs like lantern or activities of chit-chatting/gathering under a full moon no longer be seen since daddy passed away about 10 years ago. Hmm... although femanist era is coming,yet I still think that, guys still play a crucial roles in a family where hardly can be replaced by female. Most of the time, I still think that guy is the family core center to provide certain support or security, be it economically, physically or spiritually. Especially to those chinese like me, one will easily find that, certain festival such as the mid-autumn, cheng ming, dumpling festival and so on will only be conducted consistently in most family where guys dominant.
Although my family did not considered as able to celebrate every season consistently as what a maculine family will normally do, yet, we did spiritually appreciate every season, the most important is to make sure each of us are healthy, safety, and happy during every season like this, we might not able to unite for the season, but atleast we know how each other doing fine with it.
I have a bad habit in the office recently. I use to leak out for somewhere when the boss is not in and without leaving msg to coulleagues. Why I cant find this common sense so important? Am I still childish or brainless?? Consequently, boss is so co-incidently looking for me during my leaking out time, kak su was so helpful to inform me by sms, but I was again stupidly did not call him immediately,coz afraid of yyp know that I have my lunch time 30 min earlier. After lunch, I quickly rush back the office, then call as instructed. Yet, he cut off the line, twice! Then I start panic, for my bad intention, and start thinking of variety of good reasons to explain my disappearance.
Ya.. after all, I found I really think too much, if he would ask me the same, i decided to tell the truth. Because, I suddenly recall back his 'good performance' during the CE interview. Based on his twist n turn ability, I dun think I could shun him from mistakes I did, the only way to mitigate is to be honest to him. After 2 calls which have been cut down by him, my worriness escalating, the feeling is so miserable that absolutely distract my focusing ability to works. Hence, I sms him to require to talk to him after he is available. Fortunately, he called back to inform what he was wanted to without asking further on my earlier disappearance from the office. Maybe, this is the only big difference between male and female boss. I believe female boss might have gone thru a series of Q n A with me in that situation. Anyway, although yyp seems dont mind to that matters, but I should be more careful next time, so that ppl in the office wont take prejudice or hesitate against my reponsibility and attitude to the bosses and colleagues. :)
Although my family did not considered as able to celebrate every season consistently as what a maculine family will normally do, yet, we did spiritually appreciate every season, the most important is to make sure each of us are healthy, safety, and happy during every season like this, we might not able to unite for the season, but atleast we know how each other doing fine with it.
I have a bad habit in the office recently. I use to leak out for somewhere when the boss is not in and without leaving msg to coulleagues. Why I cant find this common sense so important? Am I still childish or brainless?? Consequently, boss is so co-incidently looking for me during my leaking out time, kak su was so helpful to inform me by sms, but I was again stupidly did not call him immediately,coz afraid of yyp know that I have my lunch time 30 min earlier. After lunch, I quickly rush back the office, then call as instructed. Yet, he cut off the line, twice! Then I start panic, for my bad intention, and start thinking of variety of good reasons to explain my disappearance.
Ya.. after all, I found I really think too much, if he would ask me the same, i decided to tell the truth. Because, I suddenly recall back his 'good performance' during the CE interview. Based on his twist n turn ability, I dun think I could shun him from mistakes I did, the only way to mitigate is to be honest to him. After 2 calls which have been cut down by him, my worriness escalating, the feeling is so miserable that absolutely distract my focusing ability to works. Hence, I sms him to require to talk to him after he is available. Fortunately, he called back to inform what he was wanted to without asking further on my earlier disappearance from the office. Maybe, this is the only big difference between male and female boss. I believe female boss might have gone thru a series of Q n A with me in that situation. Anyway, although yyp seems dont mind to that matters, but I should be more careful next time, so that ppl in the office wont take prejudice or hesitate against my reponsibility and attitude to the bosses and colleagues. :)
Friday, September 17, 2010
Unsmooth.... but not at all.. :)
Many unsmooth events had ruined my life recently. I found myself so helpless in many situations that just cannot move myself on. Everything seems stucked; the feeling of listlessness, struggling for something, desperate, disappointment lingering my days. What happen to me? Whats wrong i done? Why God wanna treat me in this way? Wherever i go, there is stress. Be it in the office or at home. I just wanna get rid of it but apparently I cant. No matter how I'm trying to avoid sth unsmooth, I will still encounter them. It was like pre-determined. It was a situation that things cannot be done smoothly, ppl deem unlike me. I did suspect myself in the stake of depression.Neverheless... I clearly know that, it is just the down fall in my life, an opportunity for me to grow stronger and mature.
I did cry, alomost every night, but .. I know this is not the only way I should go through, I should be stun and face the problem.. I know.. just sometimes cannot digest those negative thinking quickly.. maybe it is my occupational diseases that always wanna find out every answer for problem which i cant understand. Communication is really crucial.. when there is a miss communication without being cured, it triggers to more misunderstanding and alienation among families and freinds.. i shouldnt let it happens coz if a lawyer who cant manage his own family relationship; how ppl could expect him or her to settle others dispute? This will be a big disaster. I hope i will nvr be the one.
Well... I just been thru the long prepared CE with the client. Yeo wanted me to start interview. I start with a short breifing about the area that will ask, then only proceed to the question. I felt apprecited and thankful to Yeo for this opportunity as i really learn a lot. It was just like a small practical tutorial ti train my CE skills. After I've finished my questions, Yeo start pointed out my weakness. Unfortunately, I still not able to acheive the answer as expected and I do not think my performance considered as standard or did impress him. Apparently, I'm lacking of tracing skills.
Yeo claimed that my questioning skill were too direct that allowing witness to circumvent my questions easily. To acheive the purpose, I should first ask them some relevant matters which did not directly revealed my intention to acheive the answer i want from them. I should instead lead them by a series of questions that make them bound to admit sth in the last question.
eg: For them to admit a clause in an agreement
Scope of the agreement -->purpose of the agreement--> undertaking between the party-->effect of the disputed clause--> performance of the clause--> fulfilment of the clause--> fact--> admission
This is the way of luring one into a trap and prove ur case. However, I think that this approach was quite time consuming, thus i decided to modify it abit for the better approaches i.e. Luring but directly, striking the goal shortly.
I like Yeo way of teaching very much. 1. He did not waste his time to only teach me, whereas, he save times to entertain his client while showed me an actual and effective way of CE by questioning the client personaly then listen to his way of questioning the client followed by my turn to questioning him while letting client to learn the proper ways of answering.At that moment, I felt I'm a fortunate pupil who can learn CE in this way. Yet, I'm greedy, I hope I could have more opportunities to learn like this. Frankly, I'm quite satisfy my performance as I keep inspiring myself to talk like a professional, yet I did. The whole conversation was smooth although not really acheive the answers from client. However, atleast I manage to get client contradict himself by 3 questions and manage to use the similar approach of Yeo to show a demo for client by CE Yeo.
Although I never think that Yeo will satify my performance, yet I wont give myself any pressures more as i've made all endeavors to do the best and i should admit my limited ability then improve myself, I mean it.
Always bear in mind that when there is a room for improvement, never give urself up and tell urself that you can do it!!
I did cry, alomost every night, but .. I know this is not the only way I should go through, I should be stun and face the problem.. I know.. just sometimes cannot digest those negative thinking quickly.. maybe it is my occupational diseases that always wanna find out every answer for problem which i cant understand. Communication is really crucial.. when there is a miss communication without being cured, it triggers to more misunderstanding and alienation among families and freinds.. i shouldnt let it happens coz if a lawyer who cant manage his own family relationship; how ppl could expect him or her to settle others dispute? This will be a big disaster. I hope i will nvr be the one.
Well... I just been thru the long prepared CE with the client. Yeo wanted me to start interview. I start with a short breifing about the area that will ask, then only proceed to the question. I felt apprecited and thankful to Yeo for this opportunity as i really learn a lot. It was just like a small practical tutorial ti train my CE skills. After I've finished my questions, Yeo start pointed out my weakness. Unfortunately, I still not able to acheive the answer as expected and I do not think my performance considered as standard or did impress him. Apparently, I'm lacking of tracing skills.
Yeo claimed that my questioning skill were too direct that allowing witness to circumvent my questions easily. To acheive the purpose, I should first ask them some relevant matters which did not directly revealed my intention to acheive the answer i want from them. I should instead lead them by a series of questions that make them bound to admit sth in the last question.
eg: For them to admit a clause in an agreement
Scope of the agreement -->purpose of the agreement--> undertaking between the party-->effect of the disputed clause--> performance of the clause--> fulfilment of the clause--> fact--> admission
This is the way of luring one into a trap and prove ur case. However, I think that this approach was quite time consuming, thus i decided to modify it abit for the better approaches i.e. Luring but directly, striking the goal shortly.
I like Yeo way of teaching very much. 1. He did not waste his time to only teach me, whereas, he save times to entertain his client while showed me an actual and effective way of CE by questioning the client personaly then listen to his way of questioning the client followed by my turn to questioning him while letting client to learn the proper ways of answering.At that moment, I felt I'm a fortunate pupil who can learn CE in this way. Yet, I'm greedy, I hope I could have more opportunities to learn like this. Frankly, I'm quite satisfy my performance as I keep inspiring myself to talk like a professional, yet I did. The whole conversation was smooth although not really acheive the answers from client. However, atleast I manage to get client contradict himself by 3 questions and manage to use the similar approach of Yeo to show a demo for client by CE Yeo.
Although I never think that Yeo will satify my performance, yet I wont give myself any pressures more as i've made all endeavors to do the best and i should admit my limited ability then improve myself, I mean it.
Always bear in mind that when there is a room for improvement, never give urself up and tell urself that you can do it!!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
New dream; new direction
I was living a reluctant or can consider in a life of financial inability. Hence, something popping in my mind quite oftenly to show a few avenues of earning profits. Whenever I've come across those ideas, the basic questions such as 4W n 1H emerged and lingering in my mind.
Those mind set wasnt purely because of my current financial situation, they emerged coz I've foreseen my future. I realized that I will definitely not the one who only wanna be an employee for life, which mean working for others forever, I wanna work and earn my profits through my own abilities and ideas. I wanna control my own financial income without depend on employer. I wanna be the real me in the business!
Again, 4W n 1H lingering above my head. Before I consider the 4W, I should have first answer the only 1H, HOW??? Undeniably, I got no capital to commence whatever I have an impulse to do it, so the only solution for this question is I should try another avenue to first gain the capital. What are those solutions then? The answers seems like coming back to my current working life that is endeavour to do the best in the trainee position. Next, I'll start pondering on something other than a trainee. Because it is obvious that what have been come across my mind at this far will only be a mere dream if my capital is going to depend only a trainee position in such an unpotential legal firm (I admit this is my big regret). So, the next solution is to find out some practical part time job to earn my capital. So far, I only think of to be a tuition teacher during weekend or in the daily night classes. However, by considering it further, I'll much prefer those part time vacancies which spend less of my time with high earining in return. It sound good yet hardly get one. All in all, I'm still searching for it.
I couldnt expect much before I could engage a profitable or high return part time. I wish it is not only a dream, when I say, I mean it and will endeavour to materealize it. Nevertheless, handsome is as handsome does, actions always better than words. Thus, I will try to achieve my first move that is to get a sideline job on tml!
Those mind set wasnt purely because of my current financial situation, they emerged coz I've foreseen my future. I realized that I will definitely not the one who only wanna be an employee for life, which mean working for others forever, I wanna work and earn my profits through my own abilities and ideas. I wanna control my own financial income without depend on employer. I wanna be the real me in the business!
Again, 4W n 1H lingering above my head. Before I consider the 4W, I should have first answer the only 1H, HOW??? Undeniably, I got no capital to commence whatever I have an impulse to do it, so the only solution for this question is I should try another avenue to first gain the capital. What are those solutions then? The answers seems like coming back to my current working life that is endeavour to do the best in the trainee position. Next, I'll start pondering on something other than a trainee. Because it is obvious that what have been come across my mind at this far will only be a mere dream if my capital is going to depend only a trainee position in such an unpotential legal firm (I admit this is my big regret). So, the next solution is to find out some practical part time job to earn my capital. So far, I only think of to be a tuition teacher during weekend or in the daily night classes. However, by considering it further, I'll much prefer those part time vacancies which spend less of my time with high earining in return. It sound good yet hardly get one. All in all, I'm still searching for it.
I couldnt expect much before I could engage a profitable or high return part time. I wish it is not only a dream, when I say, I mean it and will endeavour to materealize it. Nevertheless, handsome is as handsome does, actions always better than words. Thus, I will try to achieve my first move that is to get a sideline job on tml!
Monday, September 6, 2010
Boss' different stance ..
A brand new week with a bluish Monday~ Go to work as usual and thinking that I'll probably doing sidelined jobs as my current routine at work. Things often work out so differently from what I've anticipated...
Yeo in the office 11 a.m. sharp. He was then got Eng to pass me a letter and ask me to see him after prusing the same. A bad feeling come acrss my mind when I read the same content as the to the agreed bundle preparation I did on last 2 week. My bad feeling became stronger when I enter Yeo room and such feeling took effect after a series of Yeo's gratutious comments (terms that he usually use to express himself when he is actually teasing) to me. Although such comments deem unreasonable to me, yet I still feeling graceful to him, because his willingness of few minutes comments to me is far better than leaving me alone and doing nothing. Although felt a little discouraged by his words, after all I was surprisingly delighting and enlightening.
He comment badly to my work I did for him last 2 week. He complaint about my lack of initiative to aware things that he didnt inform or instruct me. He was effectively point out my problem of unpracticability as I always doing things like a student which I shouldnt. He said that whenever he gave me a task to do is not only like an school exercise, everything I did or going to do are with its purposes, I should take more initiative to really help him or reduce his burden by increasing my observation and awareness to find out something that he did not realize or to develope certain hided issues that not yet discovered by him. Ya.. I think I got some clues from him, although he choose to express in this way to me, yet I know what he means. If I'm not mature enough, I will take his words as mischivious or mala fide. Whereas, after I've been digested and conteplated his comments to me, I decided to take it as bona fide from him.
Bear also telling me the same that I should be more mature when listening to his comments which are actually for my benefit. Mom said that he is actually want me to pay more attention to things which might be insignificant but very important to me. Or something that I'll overlook frequently. All in all, I understand his point of view and I do hope I can learn from a more mature way and show him my abilities.
Afternoon, he ask me to follow Joey to Court to observe how Joey deposit the submission to Timbalan Registrar. Then Joey also offered me a Court tour and endeavour to explain each deparment with its function to me. Of cause, I appreciate her help and willingness of sharing. Despite of the court tour, I did enquire her about the opinion to the current firm ,reason for her to stay for long and files that she handled in the firm. The first 2 answers were quite satisfied, however, I'm pondering on the last enquiry to her. Becasue she answer me that she is actually assisting Mr LEE files as a court runner. Indeed, this is quite unbelievable as she already stayed for almost beyond 10 years. I'm wondering wouldnt she manage to handle files independently? Why she cant? Why she is still doing an assistant kind of work after so many years of legal experience? Is this firm looking down upon females' lawyers ability? Will I subject to what she has been through in future? If yes, it is terrible. Because I will definitely do not want to be a lawyer who only know to assist but not back with abilities to handle cases independently.
No matter how and what the firm going to be, what should I do for now is to act like a lawyer, be observative, mature and more initiative! When there is a will, there is a way :D
Yeo in the office 11 a.m. sharp. He was then got Eng to pass me a letter and ask me to see him after prusing the same. A bad feeling come acrss my mind when I read the same content as the to the agreed bundle preparation I did on last 2 week. My bad feeling became stronger when I enter Yeo room and such feeling took effect after a series of Yeo's gratutious comments (terms that he usually use to express himself when he is actually teasing) to me. Although such comments deem unreasonable to me, yet I still feeling graceful to him, because his willingness of few minutes comments to me is far better than leaving me alone and doing nothing. Although felt a little discouraged by his words, after all I was surprisingly delighting and enlightening.
He comment badly to my work I did for him last 2 week. He complaint about my lack of initiative to aware things that he didnt inform or instruct me. He was effectively point out my problem of unpracticability as I always doing things like a student which I shouldnt. He said that whenever he gave me a task to do is not only like an school exercise, everything I did or going to do are with its purposes, I should take more initiative to really help him or reduce his burden by increasing my observation and awareness to find out something that he did not realize or to develope certain hided issues that not yet discovered by him. Ya.. I think I got some clues from him, although he choose to express in this way to me, yet I know what he means. If I'm not mature enough, I will take his words as mischivious or mala fide. Whereas, after I've been digested and conteplated his comments to me, I decided to take it as bona fide from him.
Bear also telling me the same that I should be more mature when listening to his comments which are actually for my benefit. Mom said that he is actually want me to pay more attention to things which might be insignificant but very important to me. Or something that I'll overlook frequently. All in all, I understand his point of view and I do hope I can learn from a more mature way and show him my abilities.
Afternoon, he ask me to follow Joey to Court to observe how Joey deposit the submission to Timbalan Registrar. Then Joey also offered me a Court tour and endeavour to explain each deparment with its function to me. Of cause, I appreciate her help and willingness of sharing. Despite of the court tour, I did enquire her about the opinion to the current firm ,reason for her to stay for long and files that she handled in the firm. The first 2 answers were quite satisfied, however, I'm pondering on the last enquiry to her. Becasue she answer me that she is actually assisting Mr LEE files as a court runner. Indeed, this is quite unbelievable as she already stayed for almost beyond 10 years. I'm wondering wouldnt she manage to handle files independently? Why she cant? Why she is still doing an assistant kind of work after so many years of legal experience? Is this firm looking down upon females' lawyers ability? Will I subject to what she has been through in future? If yes, it is terrible. Because I will definitely do not want to be a lawyer who only know to assist but not back with abilities to handle cases independently.
No matter how and what the firm going to be, what should I do for now is to act like a lawyer, be observative, mature and more initiative! When there is a will, there is a way :D
Friday, September 3, 2010
Dinner with "Aliens"
Dato treating us dinner at PeKin this evening, George and Lee brought their lovely wives who are not considered as pretty but can see that they were presentable with their talkative humour and socialability. As usual, me, Joey and Tee were acting roles of being silent, Chok, partially silence, whereas Dato still playing the majot role as usual while the rest were act to cater Dato and laugh together, o ya, I'm the great laugher thr who at least contribute some delightful environment, indeed laughing is my strenghtness at that moment since the scenario over thr was just that inappropriate for me (yougster) to talk too much.
I was the first one who reach on time, Dato was the second. When I be the first one and he was the second without others, the whole scenario will just like the usual interaction as in his chamber. Although we were talking in such a supposingly enjoyful occassion, yet the conversation will never beyond casual. The topic were much constrained by works and the improvement of my English. He will definitely raise this issue whenever there is an occassion with only 2 of us. Then I think that, he will never get rid of this issue from me if I never show improvement to him. Definitely, I'm quite sad for that which is again I sense hopeless from him. Nevertheless, he was quite gentlement in the sense that he will voluntarily avoid this topic when Joey came in as number 3. Even so, I still felt stress due to the aftermath of a series of Q & A session with him.
Afterwards, they start talking about their children and some deep casual talk that you will actually find urself in Mars. I think it is due to the gap in term of age, experience and thought. They thought and talk like a high-class people that you really find hard to get yourself into the conversation. But I didnt find it hard to get into others young lawyers, so i think is the peoblems aging gap.
I dunno whether I'd lost my manner by making the first move to home. However, I really find it meaningless to keep acting as a laugher thr. Then I found that such a so mature and high-class accassion didnt suit me at all, I find myself a laughing machine there or you can call me "patung" or vase who serve no purpose but just eating because of wanna eat..haha.. sad. I swear I must get rid of this role and towards the role who dominate such accassion.
I was the first one who reach on time, Dato was the second. When I be the first one and he was the second without others, the whole scenario will just like the usual interaction as in his chamber. Although we were talking in such a supposingly enjoyful occassion, yet the conversation will never beyond casual. The topic were much constrained by works and the improvement of my English. He will definitely raise this issue whenever there is an occassion with only 2 of us. Then I think that, he will never get rid of this issue from me if I never show improvement to him. Definitely, I'm quite sad for that which is again I sense hopeless from him. Nevertheless, he was quite gentlement in the sense that he will voluntarily avoid this topic when Joey came in as number 3. Even so, I still felt stress due to the aftermath of a series of Q & A session with him.
Afterwards, they start talking about their children and some deep casual talk that you will actually find urself in Mars. I think it is due to the gap in term of age, experience and thought. They thought and talk like a high-class people that you really find hard to get yourself into the conversation. But I didnt find it hard to get into others young lawyers, so i think is the peoblems aging gap.
I dunno whether I'd lost my manner by making the first move to home. However, I really find it meaningless to keep acting as a laugher thr. Then I found that such a so mature and high-class accassion didnt suit me at all, I find myself a laughing machine there or you can call me "patung" or vase who serve no purpose but just eating because of wanna eat..haha.. sad. I swear I must get rid of this role and towards the role who dominate such accassion.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
My first car
Blueberry Tea colour, 1.3 cc, JML...., Proton Saga M-line version is my very first car at my age of 24.Well... I hope I've made a not bad choice to have own vehicle this time .. although quite critical but foreseeable good in future convenient and reduce a burden in my 30 as the premium is for 5 years. So that I hope I can be more concern with my family and immovable assets tht time.
As I said it is going to be very critical option, because I'm gonna owe $$ and bearing burden of maintenance fees and etc... well.. that is what we call it as give and takes..to have sth yet you must sacrifies sth. Undeniably, I felt quite insecure for it, nevertheless, this is how I learn to face and bear the burden which no matter how I have to face it in future. In all, no pay no gain..
Be Brave to face the challenge and keep growing :)
As I said it is going to be very critical option, because I'm gonna owe $$ and bearing burden of maintenance fees and etc... well.. that is what we call it as give and takes..to have sth yet you must sacrifies sth. Undeniably, I felt quite insecure for it, nevertheless, this is how I learn to face and bear the burden which no matter how I have to face it in future. In all, no pay no gain..
Be Brave to face the challenge and keep growing :)
Friday, August 27, 2010
A Critical and Struggling period
This have been a critical period to me. Everything seems so unsmooth to me and I'm struggling for nothing. I'm wondering whether I've been pre-determined or borned for such grudgling life. Sometimes, I do pity to myself, and find no value in myself. Whatever I do, the road to success will be blocked by those obstacles from nowhere that are unpredicted and unforeseeable.
As usual, salary released every month's end and this is a month that I'm looking forward to see the increment as most of us will probably get it after the short call. However, the fact is always so real and cruel that disappointing me, the figures remain unchanged in the payment slip. At that point of time, I strongly felt my heart is bleeding and my car's dream is breaking. How am I going to afford car with such little figures????
Despite of salary, more importantly, my purpose in chamber with YTHT is to learn and endowed myself with every practical experience and legal knowledge. However, the outcome from this 3 months period is again disappointing me!! Except doing researches on various issues,2 response letters, 1 opinion letter, and a submission.I've learnt nothing. On the face of it, I'm chambering in a litiation firm, yet I never engage with any practical aspect of litigation drafting, such as Pleading, Summon, Writ, motion, order so on and so forth which are essential to train my litigation skills and build up the neccessary liti experience. As what I'd said earlier, I'm in chamber with a liti firm, hence, the opportunities of conveyancing practice is rather less available. After all, I may be a lawyer (if success) with empty experiences, skills and legal brain.
In this very moment to survive (as I never get this low salary before)*[++ Absorbing no skills] , I'm planning to work every Sunday as a part time tuition teacher to support my earning. At this critical moment, only then I'll realized the big mistake I'd made, the wrong choice I've chosed,the big lesson I've leart, more importantly, I hope I've been grown. Never make impulsive decision and appreciate every opportunity to earn more money. Because, I should always bearing in my mind that the firgures is always tangible and money touchable, people's wit of promise which in most times empty is intangible and unbelievable. In all, admit the facts and survive from this critical and relentless environment.
As usual, salary released every month's end and this is a month that I'm looking forward to see the increment as most of us will probably get it after the short call. However, the fact is always so real and cruel that disappointing me, the figures remain unchanged in the payment slip. At that point of time, I strongly felt my heart is bleeding and my car's dream is breaking. How am I going to afford car with such little figures????
Despite of salary, more importantly, my purpose in chamber with YTHT is to learn and endowed myself with every practical experience and legal knowledge. However, the outcome from this 3 months period is again disappointing me!! Except doing researches on various issues,2 response letters, 1 opinion letter, and a submission.I've learnt nothing. On the face of it, I'm chambering in a litiation firm, yet I never engage with any practical aspect of litigation drafting, such as Pleading, Summon, Writ, motion, order so on and so forth which are essential to train my litigation skills and build up the neccessary liti experience. As what I'd said earlier, I'm in chamber with a liti firm, hence, the opportunities of conveyancing practice is rather less available. After all, I may be a lawyer (if success) with empty experiences, skills and legal brain.
In this very moment to survive (as I never get this low salary before)*[++ Absorbing no skills] , I'm planning to work every Sunday as a part time tuition teacher to support my earning. At this critical moment, only then I'll realized the big mistake I'd made, the wrong choice I've chosed,the big lesson I've leart, more importantly, I hope I've been grown. Never make impulsive decision and appreciate every opportunity to earn more money. Because, I should always bearing in my mind that the firgures is always tangible and money touchable, people's wit of promise which in most times empty is intangible and unbelievable. In all, admit the facts and survive from this critical and relentless environment.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Self-doubting~~
I've thought a lot of myself recently, all about choices I've made and the direction I'm moving towards everyday. Many questions such as "Am I..." and "what if.." always popping up my mind. I foresee those hurdles I might come across in future; I scare to think further. Planning to buy a car lately, self-doubting again. Of cause I do doubt my ability, my trust on the family. Should I trust them who promise to suuport me? Am I pushing myself to a critical stage by owning a car? Will i make a right choice or mistake? I afraid to answer these, trying to escape all this questions, but one thing I'm quite sure is I do need a car urgently.
Worrying to my failure in ethic exam, anxiety emerge in every second for no courage to tell somebody about my failure.Ya..I'm a loser.. New challenge will begin in Oct where another hurdle have to overcome by not only the extra enery and strenght but also highest EQ and self-esteem to face lectures and old-schoolmates and exam based assessment. I'm wondering why I always felt grudgling in achieving something in my life, be it my career or a mere comodity, why I always feeling helpless??
Sometimes, I even sense that Yeo might regret or cry secretly at home for making a wrong choice to enrol me as his pupil. Until now I still cant understand why on earth he hire such a useless person in his firm? Frankly said, from how he treat me and way of teaching me, I did sense that he is quite reluctantly to deal with me.He said that he is busy with this n that, unfortunately I hear him chit chatting with somebody talking a similar nonsense, laugh similar issues with simlar sacartic tune. He willing to laugh for 1/3 noon rather than spending even 1/5 noon for teaching me something. It is undeniably quite disappointing me in certain extent. Or .. maybe he will think that I'm retarded to him? Worst than stupid?
Bear is another time bomb. I'll feel devastated whenever finished talk to him. .. this is now the aftermath after a conversation with him... Is he a corner stone in my life? Should I remove him ? Am I afford the lost? Self-doubting again...gonna heart attack soon.
Worrying to my failure in ethic exam, anxiety emerge in every second for no courage to tell somebody about my failure.Ya..I'm a loser.. New challenge will begin in Oct where another hurdle have to overcome by not only the extra enery and strenght but also highest EQ and self-esteem to face lectures and old-schoolmates and exam based assessment. I'm wondering why I always felt grudgling in achieving something in my life, be it my career or a mere comodity, why I always feeling helpless??
Sometimes, I even sense that Yeo might regret or cry secretly at home for making a wrong choice to enrol me as his pupil. Until now I still cant understand why on earth he hire such a useless person in his firm? Frankly said, from how he treat me and way of teaching me, I did sense that he is quite reluctantly to deal with me.He said that he is busy with this n that, unfortunately I hear him chit chatting with somebody talking a similar nonsense, laugh similar issues with simlar sacartic tune. He willing to laugh for 1/3 noon rather than spending even 1/5 noon for teaching me something. It is undeniably quite disappointing me in certain extent. Or .. maybe he will think that I'm retarded to him? Worst than stupid?
Bear is another time bomb. I'll feel devastated whenever finished talk to him. .. this is now the aftermath after a conversation with him... Is he a corner stone in my life? Should I remove him ? Am I afford the lost? Self-doubting again...gonna heart attack soon.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Unadaptable Birthday BBQ party ^^!!
This is a new though of mine to the so called birthday celebration. I suspect such thought is not only result from my maturity, but the consequences of minggle among the old group in my work place. Just.. I found myself not belong to there. I hope I didnt constitute hard feeling to them, as I'll easily show my feeling on face expression. Then only I have to admit that a profession and the working environment will really change a person's mind that you will relentlessly find yourself some where out there where neither your old friends nor ppls who are not in ur profession can reach. Despite of this, I also need to admit that I'm not outspoken enough to know them, since I know that ppl who know my career will probably avoid to talk to me due to maybe pressure, so that I must learn to take initiative to minggle with them and know more friends in that kind of function.
Saturday, finaly can spend half day (few hours) working besides his room. He still looking not well as I could still heard his frequent cough and snizzling. He was finaly ask me to find him a case at the last few minutes before knock off. If there is others colleagues, they might blame him for non-consideration, however, I felt quite happy whenever he is asking me for help or delegate any task to me. I'd found another feeling to him that is I'll feel extra secure whenever and I could finish my tasks more effient with his present in the office.Why?? I believe such feeling is not so called the "love" but .. he manage to give such feeling that fill my insecurity. Maybe..like a Father? I suppose..
Morning, Sis send me to work and we had breafast nearby the office. Then I'd spend RM 6 for breakfast and I was so naive that she will pay for me like previously. At that point of time, I only realized that I'm no longer a small sister to them, I'm working , and is a future lawyer who indeed rich or atleast able to afford such breakfast. However, it is not in this critical period. Thats why zhong Hong always avoid to come out with us which is the most clever action.Because, once u cm out, it is inevitable that you will prepare to spend extra and sacrify your lunch in the next few days of works, this is what I so called "critical period" of a chambee, We look nice and steady but we earn little.So, in many times, you need to consider a lot when receiving invitation from friends for function or celebration, unless you have a strong financial family who manage to support you or still spoon feed you, otherwise you will have this kind of critical period as me.
Then, meet up with Ging Sin and frns for our weekend gathering, shopping and of coz the birthday celebration at night. Indeed, it is inevitably spending $$ for good lunch, movie, cake and birthday gift. Frankly speaking, I'm not really enjoy to the fullest cause I seems like an alien to them (their friends) than as one of them. I find no connection to start a communication because they were working almost in the same field as purchaser officer, they talk their career and stuffs usually encountered and I know nothing. Ya.. I think it is my problem, why I dont open up my mind and mouth to share sth with them, or at least introduce myself to them, or at least saying nice to meet you as I always did when meet senior lawyers in the Court. yyyy? I'm sucks in this point, shouldnt allowed the same thing happen next time.
Well, it is now 2 o'clock morning, this passage is the aftermath of eating over full that constitute this sleepless night. No matter how, I still need to sleep, to live a life as lawyer, daughter, sister, friend and girl friend of Bear.No matter how still need to accept the fact and own weakness. Yes, the biggest cruel fact is waiting for me next week. Although I'm trying to preprare the worst, but such feeling is killing me taht I really afraid that my confident will turn to infinite like the MUET experience last time.
God, if you heard me, you should also heard my devotion to endeavour for the best performance, if you did heard me, please let me go through this hurdle as there are still a lot for me to go through in future.
Thank you and Good night!
Saturday, finaly can spend half day (few hours) working besides his room. He still looking not well as I could still heard his frequent cough and snizzling. He was finaly ask me to find him a case at the last few minutes before knock off. If there is others colleagues, they might blame him for non-consideration, however, I felt quite happy whenever he is asking me for help or delegate any task to me. I'd found another feeling to him that is I'll feel extra secure whenever and I could finish my tasks more effient with his present in the office.Why?? I believe such feeling is not so called the "love" but .. he manage to give such feeling that fill my insecurity. Maybe..like a Father? I suppose..
Morning, Sis send me to work and we had breafast nearby the office. Then I'd spend RM 6 for breakfast and I was so naive that she will pay for me like previously. At that point of time, I only realized that I'm no longer a small sister to them, I'm working , and is a future lawyer who indeed rich or atleast able to afford such breakfast. However, it is not in this critical period. Thats why zhong Hong always avoid to come out with us which is the most clever action.Because, once u cm out, it is inevitable that you will prepare to spend extra and sacrify your lunch in the next few days of works, this is what I so called "critical period" of a chambee, We look nice and steady but we earn little.So, in many times, you need to consider a lot when receiving invitation from friends for function or celebration, unless you have a strong financial family who manage to support you or still spoon feed you, otherwise you will have this kind of critical period as me.
Then, meet up with Ging Sin and frns for our weekend gathering, shopping and of coz the birthday celebration at night. Indeed, it is inevitably spending $$ for good lunch, movie, cake and birthday gift. Frankly speaking, I'm not really enjoy to the fullest cause I seems like an alien to them (their friends) than as one of them. I find no connection to start a communication because they were working almost in the same field as purchaser officer, they talk their career and stuffs usually encountered and I know nothing. Ya.. I think it is my problem, why I dont open up my mind and mouth to share sth with them, or at least introduce myself to them, or at least saying nice to meet you as I always did when meet senior lawyers in the Court. yyyy? I'm sucks in this point, shouldnt allowed the same thing happen next time.
Well, it is now 2 o'clock morning, this passage is the aftermath of eating over full that constitute this sleepless night. No matter how, I still need to sleep, to live a life as lawyer, daughter, sister, friend and girl friend of Bear.No matter how still need to accept the fact and own weakness. Yes, the biggest cruel fact is waiting for me next week. Although I'm trying to preprare the worst, but such feeling is killing me taht I really afraid that my confident will turn to infinite like the MUET experience last time.
God, if you heard me, you should also heard my devotion to endeavour for the best performance, if you did heard me, please let me go through this hurdle as there are still a lot for me to go through in future.
Thank you and Good night!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
My 1st intimation to litigation
I spending the whole day in Magistrate today. It was interesting as not what i've thought earlier. The woman who present the case was really impressive! She is not a professional but I can consider her skill was better than a professional. She has skill of examine in the trial with proper and effective question post. I suddenly thing that Lawyer was not a difficult profession to be mastered, everyone can be provided one possess a LLB.
Nevertheless, I've learned that mastering BM is so important in the Magistrate. I wasnt impress G's performance frankly. It is undeniable that he has years of practical experience, ironically, his BM or English was very broken that shouldnt reflected by a professional lawyer.I learned that, it is how important that u r pursuasive in the court room to show all ur confident in ur oral submission to judge or during examination procedure. Because, to me, through out the judges' qualification i met,they were easily mislead.Unlike Yeo,he looks more stun and steady when presenting cases in court. He really got his own quality n standard.
He is out of my eyesight nearly 1 week, i doubt myself tht extra feeling emerge to him, I clearly know it is wrong to hv tht kind of unhealthy thought, but .. such thought always cross over my mind out of control. I think I admire him as to his success and attitude to works. Sometimes, he is in certain way charming, not because of his age but it reflected from his insightness of intelligent and straightforwardness. His confident and passion in pursuing his career, responsibility and meticulous, his proudness to himself and the ability to prove it by his manner of profession has become one of the temptation to me. He is particulars yet with reasons. He might be hot-temper but not too much. In all, he got most guys' attitude that I'm looking for, thts why inducing my inner feeling to him. Such feeling indeed instigated my working efficient, but ... it seems not right to continue this feeling as in case , i think most probably he did not sense it, and hurting me a day due to my inefficientcy, I afraid I'll turn admire to hatred or even revenge. Clearly this is not the learning outcome tht I'm looking for from him.
I wish we can always maintain a very good master n pupil relationship :)
Nevertheless, I've learned that mastering BM is so important in the Magistrate. I wasnt impress G's performance frankly. It is undeniable that he has years of practical experience, ironically, his BM or English was very broken that shouldnt reflected by a professional lawyer.I learned that, it is how important that u r pursuasive in the court room to show all ur confident in ur oral submission to judge or during examination procedure. Because, to me, through out the judges' qualification i met,they were easily mislead.Unlike Yeo,he looks more stun and steady when presenting cases in court. He really got his own quality n standard.
He is out of my eyesight nearly 1 week, i doubt myself tht extra feeling emerge to him, I clearly know it is wrong to hv tht kind of unhealthy thought, but .. such thought always cross over my mind out of control. I think I admire him as to his success and attitude to works. Sometimes, he is in certain way charming, not because of his age but it reflected from his insightness of intelligent and straightforwardness. His confident and passion in pursuing his career, responsibility and meticulous, his proudness to himself and the ability to prove it by his manner of profession has become one of the temptation to me. He is particulars yet with reasons. He might be hot-temper but not too much. In all, he got most guys' attitude that I'm looking for, thts why inducing my inner feeling to him. Such feeling indeed instigated my working efficient, but ... it seems not right to continue this feeling as in case , i think most probably he did not sense it, and hurting me a day due to my inefficientcy, I afraid I'll turn admire to hatred or even revenge. Clearly this is not the learning outcome tht I'm looking for from him.
I wish we can always maintain a very good master n pupil relationship :)
Saturday, August 14, 2010
After Shortcall
12/08/2010, I have my shortcall in front of Timbalan Pendaftar Puan Norma early 8.30 morning. So, what will be going on next? I'll most probably become a runner for YTHT senior lawyers, doing mention, application for JID, Order and Bail in the High Court Chamber and lower court. Nevertheless, something turn out more important to me is the transportation problem. Mr Chok who take trouble to move my call was asking me the same after my short call and the transportation's issue has been raised N times from the very first day of my legal life. Apparently, I need a car and it deem quite urgently for me to have one recently.
Undeniably, my career do need me to own a personal vehicle. My choice is the newly introduced Proton Saga with Blueberry Tea feature. I also prepare to go through few months of hard time for the car installments, fortunately, I got my sis and mom who willing to contribute a portion of payment, I think i'm the lucky one who had them to help and support. Therefore, something I have to realize and reckon is that, i really owe some of them a lot which is inevitable in my life. I should also be more discipline and outstanding or atleast professional enough to sustain my future life and get rid of those debts and service soonest as possible. Otherwise, I'll always live a life for others, which mean no life for own and I'll feel shamful and pathetic to myself.
Technically, I'm official a junior lawyer. thus I always reminding myself not to be scatteredbrained and trying to focus on my works or every task is delegated. Being professional during every interaction with people such as the manner you speak and thought of something to the issues at hand and more importantly be independant,meticulous,bold ans sensible enough to your surrounding issues and cases .
Here, start my Legal career, Officilly & Steadily... :)
Undeniably, my career do need me to own a personal vehicle. My choice is the newly introduced Proton Saga with Blueberry Tea feature. I also prepare to go through few months of hard time for the car installments, fortunately, I got my sis and mom who willing to contribute a portion of payment, I think i'm the lucky one who had them to help and support. Therefore, something I have to realize and reckon is that, i really owe some of them a lot which is inevitable in my life. I should also be more discipline and outstanding or atleast professional enough to sustain my future life and get rid of those debts and service soonest as possible. Otherwise, I'll always live a life for others, which mean no life for own and I'll feel shamful and pathetic to myself.
Technically, I'm official a junior lawyer. thus I always reminding myself not to be scatteredbrained and trying to focus on my works or every task is delegated. Being professional during every interaction with people such as the manner you speak and thought of something to the issues at hand and more importantly be independant,meticulous,bold ans sensible enough to your surrounding issues and cases .
Here, start my Legal career, Officilly & Steadily... :)
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Falling into comfort zone~
2 days ago, I was back to classroom for ethic course conducted by JB Bar Council. It recall me those days in the campus, sitting together and listening to the lecturer,sharing and learning knowledges with peers who in the same generation, feeling of being naive and innocent is so enjoyable.Yet, it is not the samething to examination. I felt so unfamiliar and unskill when spending times for exam preparation, especially the impromtu preparation. We were given only 1 night to study the whole module which is bauky. The process for digesting those information was unbearable and miserable and I have to admire my persistency and perseverence during my school life. However, I found that such allegation doesnt make any sense because my current profession should supercede mere examination. Simply because we as a professional especially a Lawyer must alrealy well versed in certain skills such as language, thoughts, sensibility to the past and current issues, argument and writing skills, memories, commonsense, basic legal principles at out fingers tip and fast thinker. Therefore, it shouldnt be any problems for those who backed by these skills which are the foundation for a pupil.
When I think further and realized that I possessed non of the above, I puzzle like an illegitimate alien who is not suppose to stay in this legal field. After the hopeless exam, I felt so unendurable but have to ask myself a question that Did I enter a wrong career??? Why I cant see my skill and practical application when answering those questions? Indeed, I felt so uncomfortable and reluctant to answer them. Then something had crossed my mind that graduated as a Law degree holder will never guaranteed one to be a quality pupil in chamber. This allegation is cruel but it is a fact and I need to face the true as well. Then only I discovered the insight of a proverb that "It is not a matter of quantity but QUALITY does a matter". I think I should foster my QUALITIES before complaining of not being attached importance to handle tasks in firm.I should never binded by those little compliments which is not true.I should devote myself to endeavour to be a professional.Learn from the mistakes and become experience and well verse in Laws and social sensibility.I should not take opportunities as granted, make use of the chances given and appreciate what people had shared.
Be that as it may, I've gained a wonderful experience sharing some good times with judges and ethic law coursemates. Such ambience did make me to imagine that I'm one of the inner pupil.Well, I think I should get use to this kind of function as part of my career. Learn to communicate and to know our Law colleagues better for the simple reason that people connection is crucial in my profession.
12 Aug will be my short call day, works become more challenging. Hope my qualities grow by everyday learning experiences. Add oil baaa~~~
When I think further and realized that I possessed non of the above, I puzzle like an illegitimate alien who is not suppose to stay in this legal field. After the hopeless exam, I felt so unendurable but have to ask myself a question that Did I enter a wrong career??? Why I cant see my skill and practical application when answering those questions? Indeed, I felt so uncomfortable and reluctant to answer them. Then something had crossed my mind that graduated as a Law degree holder will never guaranteed one to be a quality pupil in chamber. This allegation is cruel but it is a fact and I need to face the true as well. Then only I discovered the insight of a proverb that "It is not a matter of quantity but QUALITY does a matter". I think I should foster my QUALITIES before complaining of not being attached importance to handle tasks in firm.I should never binded by those little compliments which is not true.I should devote myself to endeavour to be a professional.Learn from the mistakes and become experience and well verse in Laws and social sensibility.I should not take opportunities as granted, make use of the chances given and appreciate what people had shared.
Be that as it may, I've gained a wonderful experience sharing some good times with judges and ethic law coursemates. Such ambience did make me to imagine that I'm one of the inner pupil.Well, I think I should get use to this kind of function as part of my career. Learn to communicate and to know our Law colleagues better for the simple reason that people connection is crucial in my profession.
12 Aug will be my short call day, works become more challenging. Hope my qualities grow by everyday learning experiences. Add oil baaa~~~
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Current live
It is going to be the second week of my chambering with Yeo.Something strange and unexpected had happened since filing my petition.I always thought that my learning scope is gonna be wider once petition filed at KL High Court. However, the response he had delivered were disappointing me. I even cry alone in the office's wash room because of nothing to do, what a sad and radiculous action it is? It must be something wrong to me as I think I'm the only and the first people in the world who crying for the reason of nothing to do in the office.
Frankly, I'm this kind of person, because I have my own expectation to me, such expectation is for my future but others peoples or others purposes. I do expect something from Yeo and YTHT. His negative response to me had put me in the extreame paradox and self-doubting. He completely put me into a stage of stagnation which I wish it will never happen to me during my pupilage, I want a fruitful, experienced and meaningful journey of pupilage, instaead of only accupying an office room acted like a young lawyer in the firm. I hate this feeling and I felt I'm down-grading myself that causing me insecure.
Sometimes, I really short of idea to Yeo. He is putting me beside his room, giving me nothing to do yet he treating me quite good from his tiny caring action and his attitude to me. He was as expected remember my birthday last week and took initiative to send me the birthday wish in the morning. Yet, he gave nothing to me in term of to acheive the purpose of pupilage. Based on the pupilage handbook that I was just possessed last week, I was stucked in the very initial stage of learning and there are more to learn within this short period in which I really afraid of I will still stuck at the same stage even few months passed.
I was crying alone in the toilet for not only self-disappointed and also disappointed to his promise made during the interview and disappointed to my current situation where learning nothing with little salary. I dont care who he is, even he can become a Sultan out of sudden but he is still the person who previously promise to deliver something useful to guarantee my future legal career, he is irresponsible and I'll consider him as a lier if none of his promise fruitful despite of his position, either Dato or sultan, I dont care. I think i should talk my mind to him in case I'm still learning nothing in my future pupilage.
I wish if this is the only time for me to pray for the same thing. My dear God, Papa and my beloved Ancestre who in the heaven and of you really hear me, do bless me for not repeating the useless life start tomorrow onwards. Thank you and I'll really appreciate the blessing thy give. Good night!
Frankly, I'm this kind of person, because I have my own expectation to me, such expectation is for my future but others peoples or others purposes. I do expect something from Yeo and YTHT. His negative response to me had put me in the extreame paradox and self-doubting. He completely put me into a stage of stagnation which I wish it will never happen to me during my pupilage, I want a fruitful, experienced and meaningful journey of pupilage, instaead of only accupying an office room acted like a young lawyer in the firm. I hate this feeling and I felt I'm down-grading myself that causing me insecure.
Sometimes, I really short of idea to Yeo. He is putting me beside his room, giving me nothing to do yet he treating me quite good from his tiny caring action and his attitude to me. He was as expected remember my birthday last week and took initiative to send me the birthday wish in the morning. Yet, he gave nothing to me in term of to acheive the purpose of pupilage. Based on the pupilage handbook that I was just possessed last week, I was stucked in the very initial stage of learning and there are more to learn within this short period in which I really afraid of I will still stuck at the same stage even few months passed.
I was crying alone in the toilet for not only self-disappointed and also disappointed to his promise made during the interview and disappointed to my current situation where learning nothing with little salary. I dont care who he is, even he can become a Sultan out of sudden but he is still the person who previously promise to deliver something useful to guarantee my future legal career, he is irresponsible and I'll consider him as a lier if none of his promise fruitful despite of his position, either Dato or sultan, I dont care. I think i should talk my mind to him in case I'm still learning nothing in my future pupilage.
I wish if this is the only time for me to pray for the same thing. My dear God, Papa and my beloved Ancestre who in the heaven and of you really hear me, do bless me for not repeating the useless life start tomorrow onwards. Thank you and I'll really appreciate the blessing thy give. Good night!
Monday, July 12, 2010
My first Petition :)
Sush, Kelly and I depart to KL High Court in the early morning to file our very frist petition for short call. We've taken different transportation to reach every destination on time which really make our day. It also enlightening me the benefit of being independent for solving problems by our own effort. We learned a lot through out the journey, although exhaustive yet interesting.
No sooner after we got down at Nilai KTM, a train arrived and we manage to ride on without any delay. About 40 miniutes later, we arrived KL Sentral and manage to ride on a cab to KL High Court within 15 minutes. The capital High Court looked like an old castle which built in the great force of imposing posture consisting 5 levels with athestical disignation creatures. We met Collin and Shieh Mei and a MMU Law senior too. This experience endowed us with the court procedural skills and knowledges. We often went up and down stairs for applying endorsement and paying fees. I personaly suggested that they should put those relevant departments in 1 level instead of seperate levels for our convenience and time.
After repeated up and down exercise, we then head towards KL Bar Council for serving petition, and serve to Putrajaya AGC which take us an hour of journey by bus. We complete all these things at 12.30 p.m. which is far more better than what we've expected. Then we start wondering how to get a transport to bus terminal for riding on a JB express bus. After asking few nice stragers, they suggested us to ride on a bus towrds Putrjaya Sentral. We did so by only RM 0.50 bus fares per person which is unbelievably cheap.We supposed that it might only be a walking distance, yet, it was a pretty long journey which almost spend half an hour to reach the destination. When arrived, we were taking prejudice by its impressive building outlook and confirmed that fast food restaurants were inclusively provided by this nice building. We were then rushed towards up stairs after we've bought the bus ticket, but the fact prove us wrong and giving us a lesson that nvr judge a book by its cover.We were end up eating bread from morning to noon.
All in all, it was an exhaustive journey which spare us persistency and maturity. I felt i've grew up in this journey with 2 of them that marked the very beginning of my legal career as a CHAMBEE. Yes, pls call me chambee!An Independent Chambee :)
No sooner after we got down at Nilai KTM, a train arrived and we manage to ride on without any delay. About 40 miniutes later, we arrived KL Sentral and manage to ride on a cab to KL High Court within 15 minutes. The capital High Court looked like an old castle which built in the great force of imposing posture consisting 5 levels with athestical disignation creatures. We met Collin and Shieh Mei and a MMU Law senior too. This experience endowed us with the court procedural skills and knowledges. We often went up and down stairs for applying endorsement and paying fees. I personaly suggested that they should put those relevant departments in 1 level instead of seperate levels for our convenience and time.
After repeated up and down exercise, we then head towards KL Bar Council for serving petition, and serve to Putrajaya AGC which take us an hour of journey by bus. We complete all these things at 12.30 p.m. which is far more better than what we've expected. Then we start wondering how to get a transport to bus terminal for riding on a JB express bus. After asking few nice stragers, they suggested us to ride on a bus towrds Putrjaya Sentral. We did so by only RM 0.50 bus fares per person which is unbelievably cheap.We supposed that it might only be a walking distance, yet, it was a pretty long journey which almost spend half an hour to reach the destination. When arrived, we were taking prejudice by its impressive building outlook and confirmed that fast food restaurants were inclusively provided by this nice building. We were then rushed towards up stairs after we've bought the bus ticket, but the fact prove us wrong and giving us a lesson that nvr judge a book by its cover.We were end up eating bread from morning to noon.
All in all, it was an exhaustive journey which spare us persistency and maturity. I felt i've grew up in this journey with 2 of them that marked the very beginning of my legal career as a CHAMBEE. Yes, pls call me chambee!An Independent Chambee :)
Saturday, July 3, 2010
SOS for my English Grammar!!!!
English, a weapon for Lawyers to earn their living and it is the basic of their career, without which,you are clearly not one of them.Apparently, my english grammar use to has serious problems that really vexed me and eventually delay my learning progress in the firm. Mr Yeo had complaint this problems oftenly, to be precised, he is complainig each time he is reading my draft letters. He directly pointed out my horrible grammatical mistakes and he was trying to explain to me nicely,yet, I clearly know that he will not always being nice to me and I do understand that I should do something to improve more and effeciently.
No doubt, I was taking actions to level up my language, however, it has been a matter of efficient. I realized that taking action is not enough; to apply the learning outcome at work is much important than everything. How to express something vividly and apporpriately with good grammar and vocab are my goals recently.To address this issue efficiently, I need to do the following:-
1. Convincing myself to speak and write proper english confidently.
2. Reminding myself to forget about people's compliments and deliberate critiques, remember how a wise peopel behave and people's good advise for improvements.
3. Stop building castle in the air.Allowed day dreaming only before sleep.
4. Fostering a good habit of reading and find out pattern of sentences used.
5. Speak only English in the firm.
Yea, these are my strategics and solutions to deal with my problems EFFICIENTLY! I'm sincerely looking forward to the obvious improvement through my performance and able to compete in future.
Dad Bless ME ~~ Good night!
No doubt, I was taking actions to level up my language, however, it has been a matter of efficient. I realized that taking action is not enough; to apply the learning outcome at work is much important than everything. How to express something vividly and apporpriately with good grammar and vocab are my goals recently.To address this issue efficiently, I need to do the following:-
1. Convincing myself to speak and write proper english confidently.
2. Reminding myself to forget about people's compliments and deliberate critiques, remember how a wise peopel behave and people's good advise for improvements.
3. Stop building castle in the air.Allowed day dreaming only before sleep.
4. Fostering a good habit of reading and find out pattern of sentences used.
5. Speak only English in the firm.
Yea, these are my strategics and solutions to deal with my problems EFFICIENTLY! I'm sincerely looking forward to the obvious improvement through my performance and able to compete in future.
Dad Bless ME ~~ Good night!
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Am I IN or OUT of progress???
The topic is directed at me being a Legal Attachee for 3 weeks. IN or OUT? I'm quite puzzling to this question; which can only be determined by him who ran into my life by a pre-determined destiny.The people around him including me were kind of afraid of him due to his particulars attitudes; I just couldnt explain why he is at the same time attractive.He is not good looking, not considered as kind-hearted or good-natured, he is however straight forward, high-expectation to the people around him,he might be prejudice or even materialistic but he has a kind of disposition that is so attractive. Perhaps, he should be considered as a kind of man who is deserved to be admired by his achievements and excellant abilities or gifted intelligent.
Thus, no matter how particular he is to me by sarcastic or direct censure, I still think that he is attractive.. in the sense of his way of delivery knowledges and thinking to me that trying to volume down his voice and be patience to me (which he is not to others)..looks cute and attractive. Nevertheless, this is the only impression he gave me through out the passed 3 weeks, I believed that everything has its own reason that made others think that he is so impersonal.
Yes, he is particular, sometimes he really got his points; however, his extra particulars did confuse me most of the times. I know my English is bad, I know nth of Legal Drafting, I could have used the worst grammar in the initial stage of my legal practise that cause him taking prejudice on me. Nevertheless, when I did sth ok, pls just say ok since sth has been clearly suggested correct.When you are correcting sth which is correct, it doesnt help but making me more confusing as to whether your opinions to my works are purely base on your discretion or certain basis?
I do really wish to gain more practical legal experience in his firm not only for my pupillage but to the extent of his business. I do not wish to cofine my legal career in a little bird cage, I wish to see more and learn more practicaly with wide exposure derive from his firm business.
I might be out of progress to myself but in the progress to him, or neither make sense to my progress?
Thus, no matter how particular he is to me by sarcastic or direct censure, I still think that he is attractive.. in the sense of his way of delivery knowledges and thinking to me that trying to volume down his voice and be patience to me (which he is not to others)..looks cute and attractive. Nevertheless, this is the only impression he gave me through out the passed 3 weeks, I believed that everything has its own reason that made others think that he is so impersonal.
Yes, he is particular, sometimes he really got his points; however, his extra particulars did confuse me most of the times. I know my English is bad, I know nth of Legal Drafting, I could have used the worst grammar in the initial stage of my legal practise that cause him taking prejudice on me. Nevertheless, when I did sth ok, pls just say ok since sth has been clearly suggested correct.When you are correcting sth which is correct, it doesnt help but making me more confusing as to whether your opinions to my works are purely base on your discretion or certain basis?
I do really wish to gain more practical legal experience in his firm not only for my pupillage but to the extent of his business. I do not wish to cofine my legal career in a little bird cage, I wish to see more and learn more practicaly with wide exposure derive from his firm business.
I might be out of progress to myself but in the progress to him, or neither make sense to my progress?
Monday, June 14, 2010
Stressful lunch yet learn a lot
Today is my second week of so called attachment. Lunch with bosses as usual, stressful but full of experience. I've less work to do now, but my six sense told me that my master did not plan to bother me for this moment. I dunno whether I'm too sensitive or thinking too much or whether my six sense is true, I felt my master treat me differently after I've submitted by work to him. Is he not satisfy my work or thinking that I'm worst of the worst that wasting his time and material in his firm? I couldnt explain why, I cant speak or answer a very basic question posted by them properly. Even it was just a single question of do u like or dislike sth. I'm so stress when togather with them who were those senior professionals. I felt I'm just like a garbage among them. Asking me which book of which author, which subject of which principle, Fifa world cup etc with most of my answer of I DUNNO....what the fuck pupil I am? Knowing nth, I believe I'm a young ppl who is living dull life to them coz I dunno n hv no intrested in so many things. What is my problem? I think I need to list them down and find way to curb it, as there must be a way out am I right?
1. What make you so inconfident?
- My English
-My ability
-My professinal manners
-My performance
-My master reaction to my performance
-My lack of general knowledge
2. Will you become confident if all the problems solved?
Yes if :-
-my English is as good as Juli.
-my ability of speed is superb
-I have excellent professional manners
-Excellent performance
-Impress my colleagues and all bosses, not only certain bosses or master.
-I know most of the things.
3. What next?
-read, speak and write in English as much as possible with good grammar.
-set time limit to finish taks thru most efficient method.
-answer to ppl confidently and always watch out personal conduct and act in the most polite way.
-be vigilant and patience in handling all tasks; take initiative to make clear of every unclear matters.
-read more magazine and news papers.
Yes. There is a way out! Be confident and just do it!
1. What make you so inconfident?
- My English
-My ability
-My professinal manners
-My performance
-My master reaction to my performance
-My lack of general knowledge
2. Will you become confident if all the problems solved?
Yes if :-
-my English is as good as Juli.
-my ability of speed is superb
-I have excellent professional manners
-Excellent performance
-Impress my colleagues and all bosses, not only certain bosses or master.
-I know most of the things.
3. What next?
-read, speak and write in English as much as possible with good grammar.
-set time limit to finish taks thru most efficient method.
-answer to ppl confidently and always watch out personal conduct and act in the most polite way.
-be vigilant and patience in handling all tasks; take initiative to make clear of every unclear matters.
-read more magazine and news papers.
Yes. There is a way out! Be confident and just do it!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
My official legal life...
My legal career begun; there are the new challenges every day and currently I edi adapt to the working life, environment and colleagues.
I do have my personal office which I found myself an official legal practisional n profession. I'm the yougest in the firm, so far they treat me very nicely. I dunno whether there is a sincere response or a disguised interaction, I will only think and learn positively. Because I know what my strength and weakness is, nth to pretend.
There are total 5 partners and 1 LA, frm my observasion, my master is the main shareholder while the rest were partners. Surprisingly, my master seems like a demon tht everyone including the partners are deem so scare of him. However,as far as I'm concern, I prefer to talk to my master than those partners.I like his straighforwardness and unpretending character, yes is yes; no is no; crytal clear. Whereas,others partners who might considered as my partial masters were quite pretending to me, in some time. G n R were talkative, G is consider helpful but I couldnt explain why, be tht as it may, I couldnt sense his sincerity of helping me, feeling more of utilizing me. R deem humour but easily take prejudice on ppl intrinsically. Tee is extra ordinary quiet man, not only in the office but during lunch or rest time.Chok is a workolic while Joey seems to me a happy woman who has no debt n working as for amateur. How fast I recognised a person within only 2 days? haha.. this is base on my 6 sense n feeling to tht ppl, quite accurate.
Well... accumulated works are waiting for me.. other challenges ahead, GAMBATTEHNEH~~
I do have my personal office which I found myself an official legal practisional n profession. I'm the yougest in the firm, so far they treat me very nicely. I dunno whether there is a sincere response or a disguised interaction, I will only think and learn positively. Because I know what my strength and weakness is, nth to pretend.
There are total 5 partners and 1 LA, frm my observasion, my master is the main shareholder while the rest were partners. Surprisingly, my master seems like a demon tht everyone including the partners are deem so scare of him. However,as far as I'm concern, I prefer to talk to my master than those partners.I like his straighforwardness and unpretending character, yes is yes; no is no; crytal clear. Whereas,others partners who might considered as my partial masters were quite pretending to me, in some time. G n R were talkative, G is consider helpful but I couldnt explain why, be tht as it may, I couldnt sense his sincerity of helping me, feeling more of utilizing me. R deem humour but easily take prejudice on ppl intrinsically. Tee is extra ordinary quiet man, not only in the office but during lunch or rest time.Chok is a workolic while Joey seems to me a happy woman who has no debt n working as for amateur. How fast I recognised a person within only 2 days? haha.. this is base on my 6 sense n feeling to tht ppl, quite accurate.
Well... accumulated works are waiting for me.. other challenges ahead, GAMBATTEHNEH~~
Saturday, June 5, 2010
My last unemployed weekend
It is quite enjoy but a little bit of rushing today; spending time with sisters n children shopping and having movie with old frns. Although rush, yet pretty enjoyful.
During the gathering with old frns, I see no face expression from Ging Sin who looks groomy n blue through out the journey. This is what i've discovered since the very first gathering with her after she start her working life last month ago. She was anyway clear my doubt with her truth working life experience which she had has in few weeks. She claimed that she need to answer phones n reply sms even during weekend which is suppose her rest days, thats why she deem no mood for entertainments or chit chatting with us. It sounds quite scarry and terrible to me. Then I start thinking whether I will become like her soon after a week of chambering?? How should I deal with all those stress and ensuring my power to work keep sustaining for better job's performance? How to hv better communication with boss n colleagues n reduce the tendency of misunderstanding to the least?
I'm really curious, wondering, suspicious and wish to gain more confident and self-esteem to meet up my new life and curb those stress and hitches. I really hope that I'm able to go through all challenges with all my strength and abilities.
Be tough, be strong and be opstimistic to every challenges!! TRUST MYSELF AND I CAN DO IT!!!
During the gathering with old frns, I see no face expression from Ging Sin who looks groomy n blue through out the journey. This is what i've discovered since the very first gathering with her after she start her working life last month ago. She was anyway clear my doubt with her truth working life experience which she had has in few weeks. She claimed that she need to answer phones n reply sms even during weekend which is suppose her rest days, thats why she deem no mood for entertainments or chit chatting with us. It sounds quite scarry and terrible to me. Then I start thinking whether I will become like her soon after a week of chambering?? How should I deal with all those stress and ensuring my power to work keep sustaining for better job's performance? How to hv better communication with boss n colleagues n reduce the tendency of misunderstanding to the least?
I'm really curious, wondering, suspicious and wish to gain more confident and self-esteem to meet up my new life and curb those stress and hitches. I really hope that I'm able to go through all challenges with all my strength and abilities.
Be tough, be strong and be opstimistic to every challenges!! TRUST MYSELF AND I CAN DO IT!!!
Friday, June 4, 2010
Officially Graduated!!!!
The final result has been released and it is not a bad news atleast I hv been successfully graduated from Law School. Hehe.. This post is the most delighted post I hv recently. Although the result is not excellent to me, but acceptable la, as long as can graduated. Next monday going to start working, I dunno whether I have fully prepared or not, I just trying my best to revise certain important principles, just hope that I'll able to remember it and apply the same efficiently during work.
I went to Immigration department alone to renew my ic, and it is surprisingly efficient. I hv my IC done within only 40 miniutes. The fastest application I went through in the gov department during this 23 years, I think should gv a thumb up for them.
2 more days will officially end my jubelee. Working machine gonna start and the working life is offcially welcoming me, is scare? happy? challenging? I think i will discover all soon.
GOD BLESS ME :)
I went to Immigration department alone to renew my ic, and it is surprisingly efficient. I hv my IC done within only 40 miniutes. The fastest application I went through in the gov department during this 23 years, I think should gv a thumb up for them.
2 more days will officially end my jubelee. Working machine gonna start and the working life is offcially welcoming me, is scare? happy? challenging? I think i will discover all soon.
GOD BLESS ME :)
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Reluctant way of life...
I did not feeling ok recently as I did not satisfy the current life style in my home town that ought to be good to me. In fact, I didnt satisfy with quite many things. First, my family, second, my inconvenience's life, third, myself. Everything to me were deem to be in the bad condition that hv make my mind sick.
The family is considered as an origin for each of us. A bad structured family will definitely affects a human well being who might become emotionally or spiritually handicap. I considered myself as one of them recently. I felt less happy after come bk to jb in comparison to in Melaka. I strongly felt that I was living in an already sicked family with few sick family members who I find I couldnt live with and communicate daily. Their attitude and thinking were drifted far away from me. The most serious one is my elder sis who still cannot control his over reaction, hypocrite and exeggerate attitude to us, her extreme speach on every matter to us has indirectly increasing our mental pressure. Mom is totally be out of line with the current society, I will never able to share my problem to her as she was just like giving up herself to understand others and even her own daughter, I found that she prefer to live a life of pretending dunno anything especially those will have a tendency to trouble her.
In many time, I find speechless to her innocent or naive believe to certain issue either from us or from the newspaper; TV shows. Besides, she will put in her detactive talent to suspect every issue that have come to her without logical basis or common. My eldest bro suffer a serious mentally illness which he himself or family has no idea to help. I always find that he is living in his veil of innorance; a world of only him; self-center and part with others. Dunno since when he lost his ability to apply the common notion of human interaction, for example the way and skill of gv and take, manner of good faith, gratefullness, appreciation, thankful etc.. He is to me was living in a situation of highly insecurity, self-doubt, self-defence, provoketive and easy to gain hatred against others for may be a trivial matters.
A person who live together with these ppl for long will gradually lost his or her self-esteem and confident.
I was actually trying my best to decrease the interaction with them to prevent more dispute occured. Somehow, I was afraid that I couldnt get the right direction to survive in a diversity society since my family has always giving me wrong signal or way to get along with others. A weak foundation of one family will hardly form a successful person because such person has lost his origin support which is normally show the correct signal when he or she encounter problems. I couldnt found such signal in my family because they will prefer you to go away from them when u r facing problem. In many time, I hv to try my best and come out with many ideas to go thru those hitches without family to count on. In certain extend, it is somehow instill my strengthness to survive independently in a community. On the other hand, I found myself impersonal or a little self-center as a result of the bad signal received from the family.
Many things have to be prepared to face myself as it is foreseeable that no one will care so much of you after work. Sounds like a sad thing; since when the interaction in my family only build on the benefit and return; yes or no; there is no something which is sustaining in between yes or no; you must do sth for the sake of.. will normally heard in my family; no such thing be done purely on the purpose of gift or good faith; every benefit u take must endowed with consideration. I felt like living in a small commercial community in my family. I dunno whether i can stand for this situation for long coz when I overloaded with pressure in work, I might be sophocated for another kind of pressure which should not appear to me at home which is use to be sweet but not pressure to many people, thts why people call it home sweet home.Due to this foreseeable pressure, inconvenience and reluctant to live in the current home. I hope that I can form my Home Sweet Home sonnest possible with all my ability and strengthness.
The second unsatifaction is the inconvenience life I have now withous a private transport. I felt quite ashame when frns ask me why ur house dun hv a temporary vehicle for you to make a short distance transport? I will of coz not answer tht in detail as i Dont wanna reveal my sick family. Normally I will only answer INCONVENIENCE. What a pity? I dunno whether others family has a same family life style as me, for time being and among my frns, I found I'm the only one.
Third, myself. I hv seriously lack of perseverance and patiance to complete things I planned. I start worrying my performance will sadden and disappointing my boss soon after few weeks or days or the on the very first day of my work. Who ? Except myself; although many things still need to depend on myself, but I will be tired and need the strength from someone to support and safe me out frm the current dull life.
The family is considered as an origin for each of us. A bad structured family will definitely affects a human well being who might become emotionally or spiritually handicap. I considered myself as one of them recently. I felt less happy after come bk to jb in comparison to in Melaka. I strongly felt that I was living in an already sicked family with few sick family members who I find I couldnt live with and communicate daily. Their attitude and thinking were drifted far away from me. The most serious one is my elder sis who still cannot control his over reaction, hypocrite and exeggerate attitude to us, her extreme speach on every matter to us has indirectly increasing our mental pressure. Mom is totally be out of line with the current society, I will never able to share my problem to her as she was just like giving up herself to understand others and even her own daughter, I found that she prefer to live a life of pretending dunno anything especially those will have a tendency to trouble her.
In many time, I find speechless to her innocent or naive believe to certain issue either from us or from the newspaper; TV shows. Besides, she will put in her detactive talent to suspect every issue that have come to her without logical basis or common. My eldest bro suffer a serious mentally illness which he himself or family has no idea to help. I always find that he is living in his veil of innorance; a world of only him; self-center and part with others. Dunno since when he lost his ability to apply the common notion of human interaction, for example the way and skill of gv and take, manner of good faith, gratefullness, appreciation, thankful etc.. He is to me was living in a situation of highly insecurity, self-doubt, self-defence, provoketive and easy to gain hatred against others for may be a trivial matters.
A person who live together with these ppl for long will gradually lost his or her self-esteem and confident.
I was actually trying my best to decrease the interaction with them to prevent more dispute occured. Somehow, I was afraid that I couldnt get the right direction to survive in a diversity society since my family has always giving me wrong signal or way to get along with others. A weak foundation of one family will hardly form a successful person because such person has lost his origin support which is normally show the correct signal when he or she encounter problems. I couldnt found such signal in my family because they will prefer you to go away from them when u r facing problem. In many time, I hv to try my best and come out with many ideas to go thru those hitches without family to count on. In certain extend, it is somehow instill my strengthness to survive independently in a community. On the other hand, I found myself impersonal or a little self-center as a result of the bad signal received from the family.
Many things have to be prepared to face myself as it is foreseeable that no one will care so much of you after work. Sounds like a sad thing; since when the interaction in my family only build on the benefit and return; yes or no; there is no something which is sustaining in between yes or no; you must do sth for the sake of.. will normally heard in my family; no such thing be done purely on the purpose of gift or good faith; every benefit u take must endowed with consideration. I felt like living in a small commercial community in my family. I dunno whether i can stand for this situation for long coz when I overloaded with pressure in work, I might be sophocated for another kind of pressure which should not appear to me at home which is use to be sweet but not pressure to many people, thts why people call it home sweet home.Due to this foreseeable pressure, inconvenience and reluctant to live in the current home. I hope that I can form my Home Sweet Home sonnest possible with all my ability and strengthness.
The second unsatifaction is the inconvenience life I have now withous a private transport. I felt quite ashame when frns ask me why ur house dun hv a temporary vehicle for you to make a short distance transport? I will of coz not answer tht in detail as i Dont wanna reveal my sick family. Normally I will only answer INCONVENIENCE. What a pity? I dunno whether others family has a same family life style as me, for time being and among my frns, I found I'm the only one.
Third, myself. I hv seriously lack of perseverance and patiance to complete things I planned. I start worrying my performance will sadden and disappointing my boss soon after few weeks or days or the on the very first day of my work. Who ? Except myself; although many things still need to depend on myself, but I will be tired and need the strength from someone to support and safe me out frm the current dull life.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
New week ahead with or without new hope?
Saturday night, another week is coming. Sis are going bk S'pore as usual on tml noon. The latest change i did was my hair style. I've cut off my long damaged hair yesterday and is now look alike my niece and the primary school of me. Then is my english improved? It was the most serious question to me. I felt extra lazy recently and I neither go through reading , searching for any vocabulary nor revising legal principles.What am I doing? My perseverance ceased and where is my dream? Not to mention whether I'll become a successful lawyer, the thorny matter I should worry is my result which gonna be released next week and which is going to determine my graduation status.
It seems to me that the happy lazy holidays gonna come to an end. At this moment, I'll naturaly ask myself tht did i fully utilize my free days?Frankly speaking, I do not think so. I was normally suffering the cabin fever at home and facing the children a day after a day. I sincerely admit that I didnt complete much thing to improve or upgrade myself and I foresee the hardship I would probably face later. I'm so honest to admit my shortcoming is not because of I'm proud of tht for sure but I do really hope that I could have get sth done soonest as possible so that I will not embarrass myself during my pupilage.
Lots of dispute emerged for the new house that we bought lately.Those trouble are deem to be within our expectation. The only thing that seems to be more troublesome is that we hv an unwelcome spoke person in our family who is neither the owner nor the invester of the new home. After a small family discussion, we found that her attitude towards the said dispute is weird and unresonable. Sad to said that a family shouldnt involve much of the monetary dispute, but this spoke person has made us to suspect her in term of her attitude and comment towards the interveners.
When i think deeply, I begin to felt sad of my thought to her. I start suspecting her intention of promoting peace while plan to procure advantage from it. She support us to sell off the old house and gv the amount of share the interveners, she further contended that she willing to gv up her part of share for the sake of peace and family reconciliation. What a fucking good plan and stupid move for her? I'm quite astonish to her suggestion when first heard from her. Initially she subotage us to buy a new hm n gv up the old one is for her purpose to get her part of share n further study at UK. It is so evidently unreasonable for her to gv up the same. That is obviously sth might had happened and was within her super plan.After much thinking, I suspect that she might get her share from the interveners which may be more than what we are expected previously. If it is true, she is really a horrible family memeber.
This matter has clearly spliting our relationship which might be worst than before. The frist day we decide to buy tht property should hv foreseen the similar matter gonna be happened. Why ppl like to take risk to do what has been expected worst? I got a knack of expecting something very precisely and clearly, in many time I'll normaly know the fruit of tht matter but in most time i couldnt prevent it due to wrongfully believe that there is still a silver lining which is naive. I should remember it clearly. NEVER BE SO NAIVE, TO HER, TO CERTAIN FRNS AND EVEN MY OWN PARTNER EVER!!!
It seems to me that the happy lazy holidays gonna come to an end. At this moment, I'll naturaly ask myself tht did i fully utilize my free days?Frankly speaking, I do not think so. I was normally suffering the cabin fever at home and facing the children a day after a day. I sincerely admit that I didnt complete much thing to improve or upgrade myself and I foresee the hardship I would probably face later. I'm so honest to admit my shortcoming is not because of I'm proud of tht for sure but I do really hope that I could have get sth done soonest as possible so that I will not embarrass myself during my pupilage.
Lots of dispute emerged for the new house that we bought lately.Those trouble are deem to be within our expectation. The only thing that seems to be more troublesome is that we hv an unwelcome spoke person in our family who is neither the owner nor the invester of the new home. After a small family discussion, we found that her attitude towards the said dispute is weird and unresonable. Sad to said that a family shouldnt involve much of the monetary dispute, but this spoke person has made us to suspect her in term of her attitude and comment towards the interveners.
When i think deeply, I begin to felt sad of my thought to her. I start suspecting her intention of promoting peace while plan to procure advantage from it. She support us to sell off the old house and gv the amount of share the interveners, she further contended that she willing to gv up her part of share for the sake of peace and family reconciliation. What a fucking good plan and stupid move for her? I'm quite astonish to her suggestion when first heard from her. Initially she subotage us to buy a new hm n gv up the old one is for her purpose to get her part of share n further study at UK. It is so evidently unreasonable for her to gv up the same. That is obviously sth might had happened and was within her super plan.After much thinking, I suspect that she might get her share from the interveners which may be more than what we are expected previously. If it is true, she is really a horrible family memeber.
This matter has clearly spliting our relationship which might be worst than before. The frist day we decide to buy tht property should hv foreseen the similar matter gonna be happened. Why ppl like to take risk to do what has been expected worst? I got a knack of expecting something very precisely and clearly, in many time I'll normaly know the fruit of tht matter but in most time i couldnt prevent it due to wrongfully believe that there is still a silver lining which is naive. I should remember it clearly. NEVER BE SO NAIVE, TO HER, TO CERTAIN FRNS AND EVEN MY OWN PARTNER EVER!!!
Monday, May 24, 2010
Life after parting from as a student
This is the second week of my so called "holidays" and I was awaiting to a new life as a legal practitioner. The Challenging is waiting in front of me yet I'm still blowing time narcissistically. I have tons of planning before holidays and now none of it is successfully done. It cannot deny that I've strive to improve my poor lousy english and hope to upgrade to a satisfied standard to which could be considered as professional or at least do not embarrass to myself or my boss. A good language performed will definitely gain certain respect from ppl, this is an undeniable true that can soon be seen in my future career and interaction among the colleague and fellow law-mates.
Sometimes, I'll feel discomfort whenever I get along with those who like to show their little intellect or outstanding achievement which to me is not worth to mention but deem to be crucial to them. I will then taking prejudice to their pride manner and will categories them a group of chauvinistism and perfunctory kind of ppl to whom I will normally turn my back on them. Nevertheless, when I think deep into it, I discovered that the social interaction cannot get rid from such perfuntory manner which is a platform to prove one ability. Then I start wake up from my veil of ignorance that I should change my view on them and begin to get myself ready for the future battle which might be far more tedious than a mere examination that I use to takle in a campus.
After has been woke up, I start to discover my weakness and hope to recover it within this short period. My English is the main problem for the time being and I really wish to prove and show my boss a new me during my pupilage of cause I will hope everything will going on smoothly without huge impediments and then I could successfully be called to the Bar. This is not a quite long process but I believe it is tedious and hectic. Be that as it may, what can I do is to prepare myself wisely not only interm of the knowledge but the mental capacity for pressure. I need to learn to use less materials and time to acheive more effecient works. I should also endevour to expand my social interaction not only to hose who I'm able to click with but should also trying to know,to learn from and to understand those who take prejudice from me.
I should also live a pink of healthy working life, hence, I've joined 2 sport activities recently, I think I will choose either tennis, gym, swimming or badminton in which these activities will hv the effect of releasing stress as well as burning my calories. Still, humans are trend to live a better life, there are many things that I need to explore myself after the working life started next month. Learn to be patience, learn to be polite even though being scolded, learn to hv a good memory, and act as a professional, etc..... This is what I've choosen and thus I must bear the duty to do it better, so that I will not felt guilty to my efforts paying on it, and no regret to choose to live such a life as one professional.
Sometimes, I'll feel discomfort whenever I get along with those who like to show their little intellect or outstanding achievement which to me is not worth to mention but deem to be crucial to them. I will then taking prejudice to their pride manner and will categories them a group of chauvinistism and perfunctory kind of ppl to whom I will normally turn my back on them. Nevertheless, when I think deep into it, I discovered that the social interaction cannot get rid from such perfuntory manner which is a platform to prove one ability. Then I start wake up from my veil of ignorance that I should change my view on them and begin to get myself ready for the future battle which might be far more tedious than a mere examination that I use to takle in a campus.
After has been woke up, I start to discover my weakness and hope to recover it within this short period. My English is the main problem for the time being and I really wish to prove and show my boss a new me during my pupilage of cause I will hope everything will going on smoothly without huge impediments and then I could successfully be called to the Bar. This is not a quite long process but I believe it is tedious and hectic. Be that as it may, what can I do is to prepare myself wisely not only interm of the knowledge but the mental capacity for pressure. I need to learn to use less materials and time to acheive more effecient works. I should also endevour to expand my social interaction not only to hose who I'm able to click with but should also trying to know,to learn from and to understand those who take prejudice from me.
I should also live a pink of healthy working life, hence, I've joined 2 sport activities recently, I think I will choose either tennis, gym, swimming or badminton in which these activities will hv the effect of releasing stress as well as burning my calories. Still, humans are trend to live a better life, there are many things that I need to explore myself after the working life started next month. Learn to be patience, learn to be polite even though being scolded, learn to hv a good memory, and act as a professional, etc..... This is what I've choosen and thus I must bear the duty to do it better, so that I will not felt guilty to my efforts paying on it, and no regret to choose to live such a life as one professional.
Monday, May 17, 2010
A brand new beginning ahead
15.05.2010, I've ended my last paper at ACR 1001 MMU and put a full stop of my student life at 12 p.m.Yes...I'm currently a potential graduated Law student and a Law's freshy later on. A new beginning to my career which has been confirmed on 6th May with Mr Yeo Yang Poh, a prominent senior lawyer aka former Bar Council President who practising civil litigation at Asian Life Building, JB, the one who ask me to udgrade my english by attending an intensive english course after exam. His requirement has signal me his higher expectation from me during the chambering period as his pupil. Scary? not really, just lacking of confident which is my major problem. Basically, I already prepared for the worst in certain extent, for instances, my absent-minded, my insensitive or lack of observation... and my bad english might haunt him and every lawyer one day. Be that as it may, what should I do for now is to find out my inabilities and make myself become a capable pulpil in chamber who bearing the name of MMU.
A new beginning with all hopes ahead, wish me all the best and be stun to materialise everything from incapable to capable.
A new beginning with all hopes ahead, wish me all the best and be stun to materialise everything from incapable to capable.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
How I value and view myself
Last Satutrday morning, I've been through an hour of interview in my life. Mr Yeo, my potential employer has been tested the every aspect of me within this hour yet I felt quite suffering and in many time I felt embarrass to my answer because his facial expression told me his unsatisfaction in most of the time. However, he will nod his head to show agree if he felt comfortable to my answer.
During the interview session, there are several questions that require me to ascertain my position and status such as my ability in Law, my perspective to deal with the cases that relate my conscience, my weakness, the most preferable subjects and books and why..etc.. those questions seems like easy to answer, but I'll end up with no case to answer. Then only I discovered that I'm an empty person, so empty that difficult to find a single value in me.
Finaly, it was his turn to give his perpective on me. He said that I impress him because of my hardworking in term of willingness to do or experience to work such as sales girl or waitress where most of the law students would not. However the only weakness which is huge and serious to me is my English standard that considered as not adequate to his firm and to be a good lawyer. Sound direct and straight forward. Of cause, a little disappointment had influenced me. Nevertheless, he has been successfully pointed out an undisputed fact on me which I should know since I've took 3 times of MUET at 2 years ago. He let me know the true problem of me and I felt thankful to him too.
From now on, I should realise my own value, my expertise,my strenght and to face my weakness bravely. I want to be a person who like to prove the impossible to possible and challenge the difficulty for the success. Yes, this is the perseverance that inherited from my ancestor, thus I cant get rid from this spiritual stamina of Chinese.
Newspaper is again revealed M criticizing chinese as being so greedy due to never satisfy the advantages and status that we have today. M further said that since the Malaysia financial mainstream has been dominated by us, therefore M should be protected by Art 153 FC persistently where we should never challenge or argue their benefit base on that point of view. When you read the Article as a whole you will easily find the gaps among the arguments. For instance, M contended that we should satisfy to what we have now since 9 out of 10 of the Malaysian millionare were C. We should pity M cause they are not dominant of Malaysia's financial mainstream. So what?
So, because we were putting too much of effort to earn a more comfortable living, therefore we should pity them who were the human being with the similar and equal ability but lack of hardworking to acheive the same as us?
So, because we are so hardworking until to dominate financial mainstream in the country, therefore we should pay more tax to the government and feed them who were protected under Art 153 FC?
So, this is the concept of 1 Malaysia where those who cannot dominate the country financial mainstrean should deem to be categorized under Art 153? Then why "I" have left out from Art 153 protection since they did not dominate Malaysia financial syatem?
So, we are too hardworking that earn too much of money and become rich in th eyes of M, therefore M should continue being feed without thinking of how to become hardworking and innovative that compatible with us.
So, are M saying that we should not be so hardworking to make so much of money and live a life as M, so that we can acheive the aim of 1 Malaysia and be protected the same as M under Art 153 FC, Sir Ibrahim Ali?
During the interview session, there are several questions that require me to ascertain my position and status such as my ability in Law, my perspective to deal with the cases that relate my conscience, my weakness, the most preferable subjects and books and why..etc.. those questions seems like easy to answer, but I'll end up with no case to answer. Then only I discovered that I'm an empty person, so empty that difficult to find a single value in me.
Finaly, it was his turn to give his perpective on me. He said that I impress him because of my hardworking in term of willingness to do or experience to work such as sales girl or waitress where most of the law students would not. However the only weakness which is huge and serious to me is my English standard that considered as not adequate to his firm and to be a good lawyer. Sound direct and straight forward. Of cause, a little disappointment had influenced me. Nevertheless, he has been successfully pointed out an undisputed fact on me which I should know since I've took 3 times of MUET at 2 years ago. He let me know the true problem of me and I felt thankful to him too.
From now on, I should realise my own value, my expertise,my strenght and to face my weakness bravely. I want to be a person who like to prove the impossible to possible and challenge the difficulty for the success. Yes, this is the perseverance that inherited from my ancestor, thus I cant get rid from this spiritual stamina of Chinese.
Newspaper is again revealed M criticizing chinese as being so greedy due to never satisfy the advantages and status that we have today. M further said that since the Malaysia financial mainstream has been dominated by us, therefore M should be protected by Art 153 FC persistently where we should never challenge or argue their benefit base on that point of view. When you read the Article as a whole you will easily find the gaps among the arguments. For instance, M contended that we should satisfy to what we have now since 9 out of 10 of the Malaysian millionare were C. We should pity M cause they are not dominant of Malaysia's financial mainstream. So what?
So, because we were putting too much of effort to earn a more comfortable living, therefore we should pity them who were the human being with the similar and equal ability but lack of hardworking to acheive the same as us?
So, because we are so hardworking until to dominate financial mainstream in the country, therefore we should pay more tax to the government and feed them who were protected under Art 153 FC?
So, this is the concept of 1 Malaysia where those who cannot dominate the country financial mainstrean should deem to be categorized under Art 153? Then why "I" have left out from Art 153 protection since they did not dominate Malaysia financial syatem?
So, we are too hardworking that earn too much of money and become rich in th eyes of M, therefore M should continue being feed without thinking of how to become hardworking and innovative that compatible with us.
So, are M saying that we should not be so hardworking to make so much of money and live a life as M, so that we can acheive the aim of 1 Malaysia and be protected the same as M under Art 153 FC, Sir Ibrahim Ali?
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